'Forgive me Father for I have sinned,' Margaret said as the Priest opened the little wooden window in the Confession Box.
'How have you offended against our Lord Jesus Christ, my Child,' the Priest said with the routine indifference which comes from hearing hundreds of confessions.
Father Morgan was now in his mid-50s, having qualified as a Priest in his native Ireland. He left his home at 18 and went to the seminary, qualifying and taking final vows when he was 22. He had worked in a Parish in Ireland for several years as an assistant Priest, before being transferred to Australia. Although he had been in Australia for over 30 years, he still retained his Irish accent.
His mid-life crisis as a Priest was over. This often happened to the nuns when they reached menopause, realizing that any possibility of leaving the Church and having children had come to an end.
With the priests the crisis of personal faith happens somewhere in between their 35th and 55th years. It was not often a crisis of faith as such, but a crisis of vocation: a questioning as to whether their lives had thus far been lived in a useful way, and an examination and reaffirmation of their faith.
Father Morgan didn't have such a crisis, but there was a profound change in his view of the Church. He had, for a long time, worked to undermine its authority. He was no longer pro-Church, but anti-Church. He was, in fact, a practicing Satanist.
The period of his conversion to Satanism happened when he started examining his religion. At 30 he started graduate studies at Sydney University, and by the time he was 37 he had completed his Ph.D. He started lecturing part time, and enjoyed the cut and thrust of the discussion from atheists, Muslims and others who came to his classes, seeing it as an easy option to complete an Arts degree.
One day the Father met a young woman in his class. She seemed the same as many of the other students, taking his comparative theology class just so she could get the credits to graduate. This girl announced proudly that she was not a Christian, or a Muslim, or Buddhist, and she listed the world's religions he expected her to say that she was an atheist. Instead, she said that she was a Satanist.
In the four years of Father Morgan's training as a priest, they hardly dealt with Satanism. After the second Vatican Council, references to Satan were often met with laughter within Catholic circles. And apart from the brief revival of people asking for demons to be cast out after the movie The Exorcist, there was little demand for an up to date knowledge of the Prince of Darkness.
The Satanist's name was Julie. She had long dark blonde hair, and a general 'New Australian' appearance, even though her accent was Australian. Her mother, in fact, was Russian, which explained her appearance. She often dressed the same. Black t-shirt, dark or dark blue skirt: a standard uniform, Father Morgan felt, for the 'Satanists' who were in fact just Goths wanting to get attention and to shock their elders.
Julie's essays were always thoughtful and excellent, and she often stayed after class to debate him. She even showed up at the end of one of his Masses on a Sunday, so that she could discuss theology with him after the service, in the back hall where some of the congregation went for biscuits and coffee.
The course that he was teaching was an academic year long, and it was during this time of teaching Julie that he noticed her in a less than pure way. She often wore the same denim skirt, which was short, but not any more so than many other students on campus. She invariably sat in the front row, and during the lecture she would cross and uncross her legs, an action which he always noted.
Father Morgan's thoughts turned more and more to see Julie as a young 24 year old woman, rather than as a student. On one occasion, while walking to the lecture, he surprised himself when, thinking of Julie, he developed an erection. There was the period during his late 20s where he developed the habit of masturbating almost daily, but that was now a long time ago. And of course, even though he was now in his mid-50s there was still the occasional erection that he would ignore till it went away. But on this occasion his erection was hard and prolonged, something that had not happened for a long time.
That night while he was trying to sleep, sexual thoughts of Julie arose in his mind. He imagined her white thighs, crossing and uncrossing themselves. He imagined holding her breasts in his hands. Her lips, which Julie sometimes licked when she was thirsty, he imagined sucking his penis. He drifted off into a half sleep, laying on his side, his erection hard. The lips were wet and they were so warm. He drifted to sleep and when turning on his tummy the pressure on his penis stimulated him enough to ejaculate into the sheets.
It was not a sin to have a wet dream, but he knew that he would be seeing the cause of it that morning. He became obsessed with either seeing her or not seeing her. Her requests for extra time to discuss things were refused, so as to avert temptation. But that avoidance of her after class in itself produced guilt, where he said to himself that she should not suffer academically because of his lusts.
A month after his wet dream, Julie was in the Father's study. The old grandfather clock ticked loudly. There were no other noises, as the study door and the main door was locked to keep out visitors.
The priest sat in a large leather armchair, with Julie opposite in a sofa. A recent essay of hers was in his hands, and she had a copy of The Satanic Bible, from which she was pointing to arguments against the god of the Old Testament, Yahwah, being the true God.
She started speaking, quite suddenly, about her family, and she started to cry. Father Morgan went over and sat next to her, held her by a hand, and with her body she threw herself onto him in distress, with her head in his lap.
On Julie's part, it was a calculated act. And as a calculation it worked. She knew that all she had to do to melt the discipline on his part was to keep her head in his lap. Almost immediately she felt where his penis was, and she also felt in hardening against her face. The priests hands touched her head as if to move it away, but he touched gently and it would take more than that to get her to move her head.
His arm raised itself in the air, not knowing where it should go. He rested it on her side and her hip. She moved her head so that she faced down, his penis centremetres away underneath the rough cloth of the priestly trousers. She almost laughed at the cruelty she inflicted on him.
Her skirt rolled up her thigh, exposing a great expanse of flesh, even though she was quite slim. Flesh, flesh, flesh: it was a beautiful word, his penis became totally hard.
At that moment, the priest could have still stopped what was happening. He still had control. But the point came where he could no longer turn back. That point was where he smelt her hair. She had shampooed it that morning, and the apples and peaches were still fresh in the smell. At that point his resistance was no more.
Julie moved her fingers and pulled down the zipper of the Priests trousers. She didn't even have to pull his penis out, as it was standing at complete attention through the fly. He was circumcised. Her lips covered and sucked the head of his penis.
Given that she had been looking down for a while, there was a buildup of salvia in her mouth, and she let it flow down the length of his penis, and she moved her head up and down.
The priest now put his hand on Julie's head, not in order to force her mouth down further on to his erection, but just so he could feel the movement, so that it added to his pleasure. His hand now moved over her head, over her shoulders, down her side, touching the top of her thighs. It moved between her things and this is when he discovered that she was not wearing panties. Her pussy was wet, and it wet his hand almost as if he had put it underneath a tap.
With her wetness on his hand he brought it to his nose and smelt the smell of a woman's excitement. A few moments later he ejaculated inside Julie's mouth. She sucked the cum into her mouth and swallowed it, so that there would be no evidence of what had happened.
After the zipper was done up and she had swallowed the semen, she said 'Thank you Father' and left his study.
Julie's visit to the study became a regular appointment. He did not even dare try to justify it to himself. She would visit twice a week, and she would perform oral sex on him. He came to expect her, to get use to it. And on the days that she was not visiting him he would often masturbate.
He became restless and angry. The Church was so stupid. Why did it insist on its priests being celibate? But whenever he became too distressed by the Church, Julie's appointment would come around and she would bring him the greatest physical pleasure that he had ever known.
Of course, Father Morgan was a virgin. After the regular oral sex, they became lovers. He fucked her vaginally, anally, orally. His favorite position was 'doggy' position. He found that he liked rough sex, holding her down over the study table, pounding away at her like using a tool or a blunt object, rather than making love.
On one occasion Julie unexpectedly arrived with a friend. She and the fried sat opposite the priest on the sofa, and just as tea had been poured, Julie and the new girl started kissing. He watched, still being a little too nervous as to what to do. He saw the girls fingers penetrate each other's vaginas, their lips and tongue kissing and licking each other.
After many minutes of lovemaking, Julie sat on the end of the sofa, and spread her legs apart. Her friend went down on her hands and knees and started licking and kissing Julie between the legs. Father Morgan balanced himself on his knees as he fucked the new girl from behind.
From Julie and the new girl, there then came two more girls, and then a man. Father Morgan had never been gay, but out of curiosity he sucked the man briefly, wanting to know what it was like to have a man's penis in his mouth. Out of a similar curiosity, he allowed the man to bugger him.
