Finding Mr. Wright

"A woman isn't a whore for wanting pleasure. If it were unnatural, we would not be born with such drives."

--Nenia Campbell

CHAPTER 13

When I got home that afternoon after my time with Ms. Oeaux, I took a long warm bath and went to sleep early ... like skipping dinner and going to sleep at 4:30 PM early. I was not only tired, but exhausted, too. With what Ms. Oeaux did, I've never felt so sexually satisfied before. It was certainly different than what I did with Aaron, or any other man for that matter, but it wasn't so much dependent on the gender of my partner. What made the real difference was that with Ms. Oeaux, she totally focused on me for the whole time we were together.

When I awoke the next morning, Sunday I think it was, I was looking forward to talking to Aaron and telling him about it. I rolled over in bed and reached for my phone, realizing I hadn't charged it, so it was dead. Upon plugging it in, I relaxed a bit more as the sleep faded from my eyes. I heard my phone sounding off and buzzing like it was mad. I picked it up and there were messages and calls galore, and they were all from Aaron. I didn't even look at the text messages or voice mail messages. I immediately dialed his phone.

"Elizabeth, thank god, are you okay?" His voice sounded desperate, concerned.

"Yes, I'm fine, why?" I asked, a bit drearily, still recovering from my long sleep.

"I'm... well ...," he stammered. I had never heard him at a loss for words. "I knew you were with Ms. Oeaux, and I hadn't heard from you, and you never responded when I texted or called, so I feared something might have happened to you."

"Oh, yes, that," I said, remembering her touch. "It was pretty incredible. I'll have to tell you about it sometime." I was still only half awake.

"How about tonight?" he asked. I sat up in bed, his request causing me to jump awake, more alert now.

"Tonight?"

"Well, maybe not in the way it sounds. I actually mean this afternoon. I planned to take Jacob to the zoo this afternoon and he asked about you. I was wondering if you would join us?" he asked politely, adding, "for Jacob."

I smiled and stifled a laugh, but couldn't conceal my mirth when I spoke. "For Jacob, then, right?" I said, giggling a bit as I asked.

"Well, yes, of course, for Jacob," he said, not even concealing his laugh as he repeated it.

"How can I say no to Jacob?" I responded.

"You can't," he added, very matter-of-factly. "We can pick you up about 2:30 if that is good for you. Jacob will be up from his nap about 2:00 and we'll head there."

"Sounds wonderful, I can't wait," I told him, realizing I sounded a bit too eager.

"See you then," he said, "and be sure to answer your phone."

With that, he hung up. I got out of bed, though I still had several hours to get ready before Aaron and Jacob were here. It gave me time to think on what he said and how concerned he was. Was it concern that I was okay, because he didn't hear from me? Or was it concern that I might have enjoyed myself too much with Ms. Oeaux. Or maybe it was concern that I enjoyed myself with anyone else, other than him, or with another woman, and that I'd like it more than with a man? Though he needn't concern himself with any of that, I realized that the fact he did concern himself with at least something showed he cared about our relationship, cared about me.

It was beautiful outside, so I wore a pair of light, form fitting, khaki colored capris pants. On top I went with a contrasting, vertically striped brown and white blouse with a bow tied in the lower front center. I was sure to wear comfortable flats, as we would do quite a bit of walking. I kept my jewelry light so as not to be too ostentatious. My makeup was also relaxed and muted, with more simple tones. I wore my hair down, in a style Aaron had not really ever seen, since I had always worn it up for the Society events.

As I was getting ready and thinking about the days events, it really struck me that Aaron invited me to go with him and Jacob. Though I couldn't help it, my thoughts turned to the elusive fiancé. I wondered where she was and why she wasn't going instead. There must be something with her and children, like she must not be interested in kids, or it might be just coincidence. I wouldn't press this with Aaron, though, since I didn't want him to think I was prying or getting jealous. Plus, even though I continued to think like this about her, I had resolved to just being his 'mistress,' even if that was the only way he wanted me.

The two gentlemen arrived on time and Aaron and Jacob both came to the door and greeted me. Jacob wasn't nearly as quiet as he was last time, giving me a big hug when he greeted me that melted my heart. He was absolutely precious! Aaron kissed me on the cheek but nothing more than that. The car was chauffeured, but the driver kept the glass up the whole time, so I never knew who it was. Aaron must have given him instructions beforehand because he knew exactly where to go, where to drop us off, and when and where to pick us up after.

Aaron and Jacob and I spent the afternoon and part of the evening at the zoo. To say Jacob loved it was an understatement. It was amazing to see him take in all the animals. He was scared of a few, like the bigger animals that came close to the crowds at the edge of the natural habitats, he was really enraptured by so many different living things. He loved the birds, especially the colorful parrots and macaws. He giggled when he fed the alpacas and they ate out of his hand, and didn't seem to care about the sticky spittle they left behind. He was amazed at the monkeys flying through the branches overhead, gibbering like monkeys do.

To be honest, Jacob made this outing absolutely wonderful. It made me long to have a child myself, to experience this kind of pure wonder and happiness. I actually teared up a few times at his sheer unbridled enjoyment of the myriad animals at the zoo, though I made sure Aaron didn't see. What made it really sweet is that Jacob would hold my hand as we walked, or hold my hand and Aaron's at the same time. As the day turned to evening, and Jacob began to tire, he even asked me to carry him, and when I did, he rested his head on my shoulder. It was the most beautiful thing, to be holding that cute little boy like that, that he trusted me and thought enough of me that he felt safe like that in my arms. If I wasn't there with Aaron and Jacob, I would have cried my eyes out. It gave me a small, very small glimpse into what motherhood might be like.

Aaron, too, was the perfect companion. As we walked and guided Jacob through the exhibits, we talked about all manner of different things, though we didn't talk about was anything sexual or the Society (or Ms. Oeaux). Though I wasn't sure this was a date or not, Aaron sure made it seem like one. When Jacob wasn't holding my hand, Aaron would grab my hand and we would walk like that. He would come up behind me at an exhibit and put an arm around me as we leaned up against a protective gate enclosing the animals. You know that feeling when you are falling in love with someone and you don't know how they feel yet, but they show you genuine interest and closeness? Well, that's what I felt all the time today that I was with Aaron. For a brief instant, I let myself feel like this was a family, like I was a part of their family. Without a doubt, it was a truly beautiful afternoon.

As we returned to my home that evening around 9:30 p.m., Aaron and Jacob came inside. They both rested on the couch as I fixed them both something to drink. I put a movie on the TV for Jacob so he could relax, and he pulled up a pillow on the floor to rest and watch. Before we knew it, he had fallen asleep. It was an exhausting day for him.

With Jacob asleep, Aaron and I sat together on the couch, and the conversation turned quickly to more adult topics. "So Elizabeth," Aaron began eagerly, "how was your time with Ms. Oeaux?" He sounded both eager to know and exasperated he had to wait all day to ask me.

I told him the truth. "It was really mind-blowing." He looked dejected at my answer, but covered it up quickly as I continued. "She is really incredible. She did things no one has ever done, and made me feel incredible. I wasn't certain I would like it, but she really didn't make me do anything for her. Instead, what made it so incredible is that she totally focused on me."

Aaron remained quiet as I went in depth and told him more. I didn't go into detail with everything, like the emotions it brought out in me or how I felt towards Ms. Oeaux. Instead, I focused more on the how and what she did. He listened intently, nodding here and there in understanding. He would sometimes interject and tell me that what I was describing was something he liked and did from time to time, and with a few things, commented that he had never heard or tried them.

We talked about this for quite a while, and it was starting to get late, both for me, as I had to be to work early in the morning, and for Jacob, who had school in the morning too. I began to wonder if Aaron had plans to stay the night, and in retrospect, I really wanted him to. Talking about everything that happened with Ms. Oeaux had excited me all over again.

He did ask one question that made me think. "Elizabeth, now that you've been with a woman, how do you feel about me?" I thought he was going to say 'how do you feel about men?' I think he even intended to say 'men,' but what came out was 'me.' I figured it was a slip of the tongue on his part, a subconscious change to reflect what he really wanted to know. I didn't give him time to change it.

"Aaron, I adore you," I told him quickly. I couldn't bring myself to say that I loved him, or that I was falling in love with him. I wasn't sure he was asking that. "What happened with Ms. Oeaux has certainly opened my eyes to being with a woman, but to be honest, it was just sex. Okay, it was incredible, mind-blowing sex, and although we are now great friends, it really is only sex. It's not the same as with you. With you, there is more feeling, more emotion, more of a connection. It's more gratifying on multiple levels, not just the physical."

He seemed to like that answer, as he reached forward and placed his hand on the back of my neck, pulled me forward and into him, and kissed me. It wasn't a hard or passionate kiss, like you would give someone that you are trying to turn on and try to get in the mood to go to bed with you. No, it was more of a simple and emotional kiss, one of relief that someone you hope likes you just confirmed it. He broke off the kiss slowly, keeping his hand on the back of my neck, then he pulled me into him and just held me like that. I wrapped my arms around him and held him too, resting my head against his chest. I could feel his firm muscles against my face. I closed my eyes and rested against him. I don't know how long we stayed like that, but eventually, Jacob stirred and brought us out of our contemplation.

Aaron got up and saw to Jacob. "I think we had better get going. I have to get this little one to bed." I nodded in understanding.

"Of course," I told him, thinking that I really wanted him to stay, but was still unsure if I was ready for another encounter, especially based on what I had gone through the night before. My muscles were already sore, but I didn't know if I'd be too sensitive, or not sensitive enough. I had never had experiences like these so I didn't know what to expect or how my body would handle it.

Aaron bent over and picked up Jacob, then headed for the door. "I'll be right back," he said, cradling Jacob as he went outside. I followed him to the door and held it open, standing there, while I watched him put Jacob gently down on the seat and buckle him in. He stayed with Jacob making sure he was okay and going back to sleep before he returned.

"I'm so glad you came with us," he said as he followed me back inside the doorway. He kept the door open slightly, letting me know that he wasn't back inside for long. "We really enjoyed having you with us, both Jacob and I ... but especially me."

With that, he kissed me again. I kissed him back, holding him tight, my arms around his neck. This kiss was a more deep and passionate kiss than the one a few moments ago, but we both knew it was a kiss goodnight. He broke the kiss, wished me a good evening, and said that we would talk more tomorrow. I told him how much I enjoyed spending the day with him and Jacob. He smiled as he said goodnight again, then he turned and left.

That night, my sleep was restless, like so many other nights. I dreamed of the three of us, walking through a park as a family, when another woman that I had never met appeared, very angry, and shouting at Aaron. He cringed and picked up Jacob, who was scared, told me goodbye and all three of them disappeared together, leaving me alone.

I actually woke up after that, almost jumping awake, and sat up in bed. It was quiet in the house, with nothing making a sound. After experiencing everything I did over this weekend, as good as the sex was with Ms. Oeaux, it paled in comparison to the feeling of being with Aaron and Jacob and getting a small taste of what having children and a full family would be like. My dream caused that beautiful image to shatter, bringing me back to the reality of my situation.

As I lay back down and tried to get back to my restless sleep, I realized just how alone I was. As the sadness and futility of my situation hit me, I began to weep. As I did, my tears soaked my face and pillow. I don't remember when I fell asleep, but I eventually did. I knew I had to change something about my situation, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out how or what I needed to do.

*******

Over the next few days, Aaron and I texted quite a bit. He was out of town again for work, so we didn't have a chance to meet in person. He promised to have us get together for dinner once he returned. One thing we discussed was his consulting business and what he specifically did. I learned that he is actually a type of business analyst, one who comes in and analyzes a business for profitability. Most often, his clients are businesses that once used to be financially stable but are now having problems. The bring in someone like Aaron to help turn things around.

What I found really impressive is how Aaron charges these clients. Since most businesses that are suffering financially can't afford to pay for an expensive analyst, he doesn't charge anything up front. Instead, he gets paid on a sliding scale based on how the company responds financially to his recommendations and services. More often than not, he is paid handsomely as the vast majority of companies do well after he advises them.

All of our conversations were not solely about work and business. We discussed life, current events, movies, interests and children. This naturally led to us talking about Jacob quite a bit. He would tell me stories of what Jacob would do that was cute or funny (and there were literally thousands of these). He would also tell me if Jacob had done something wrong and ask for my advice on how to handle it. It made me feel nice that he was asking my opinion on this, and that I might be having an effect on Jacob. He was truly a sweet little boy.

I didn't tell him how Jacob really made me feel, like how I actually felt like a mom, even for a minute, when we were at the zoo. I also didn't mention the dream I had where I woke up feeling so alone. I didn't want him to think that I was weak or that he should feel sorry for me. Mostly, though, I didn't want Aaron to know how strongly I felt about him.

Naturally, we talked about sex too. If Aaron was at work or if I was, then it was just a general discussion about different things, mostly non-sexual. If we talked in the evening, after normal working hours, then things would get steamier. It didn't go so far as to become phone sex, but he would often tell me to do things, like take off my top or my bottoms as we talked. He would ask how I was feeling and if I wanted him to touch me here, or touch me there, or imagine he was there and what we would do. Some of it was sensual, some of it was more physical, and some of it revolved around bondage and discipline. These conversations were very stimulating, but he told me not to touch or get myself off after we talked, so that the desire would build. I'll admit that I wasn't always successful.

One evening, with the Society event just over a week away, Aaron and I were discussing the event when I decided to broach the subject about the intensity of the session. "Aaron," I began, "I've been meaning to talk to you about what we did last time we were at the Society."

"Oh?" he queried, "What about it?"

"There were kind of two parts to it, you know what I mean? There was the first part involving the paddle and flogger, and the second part where we were just on the bed." I so wanted to say 'where we made love on the bed,' but kept it less emotional.

"Right. Go on."

"The second part was really incredible, I think you know that," I told him.

"I feel the same," he responded.

"But the first part was, well ... it felt a little empty ... a little incomplete."

"Incomplete how?" he asked, fairly surprised.

"Part of it had to do with the gag. Though it made me feel powerless, and by itself that was an interesting feeling, the real effect is that I couldn't communicate with you, I couldn't respond to you and tell you more about what was going on. I mean yes, the way my body was reacting was a hint, but there was no verbal interaction between us, so I couldn't explain things at all, or respond to you as to how I felt."

"That's good to know, Elizabeth," he said, but his response was a bit dry, almost like when you are getting criticism by your boss at work and trying to accept it, but you don't agree with it. I continued, since I had already opened that door and wanted to completely explain.

"Truthfully, Aaron, overall, I wanted more. I wanted to try and experience more. You stopped too soon. You kept it too easy. I really want to experience what Brooke experienced that first night I was with you at the Society. You know, how Mr. V whipped her harshly. I want to see how that feels, but done right, not just whipping to feel the pain, but whipping to create the intense sensation of pain and pleasurable ecstasy. I want to know if I can get the same satisfaction out of it that Brooke did."

"I see," he said, though he sounded very distant. "Elizabeth, I have to go. Something has come up here. I'll call you when I get a chance. Your dress should arrive as usual. If I can't talk to you before then, I'll meet you for dinner at the event." With that, he hung up.

That was odd, I thought. Never had he been so short with me. He even sounded a bit upset. I wondered exactly what he was feeling, what he was thinking. Did I overstep my bounds as a sub? Was I supposed to say this to him, or was it more that he was supposed to dictate things to me? It was supposedly for our mutual pleasure, right? Maybe I read it wrong and should never have said anything! I now had myself doubting everything, up to and including our relationship.

Aaron didn't call the next day, or the day after that. Not even a text. I figured that I would give him some time to get comfortable with what I had said, so I didn't try to call or text him myself. Heck, maybe he was just busy with work.

On the third day, when there was no contact from him, I knew I had done something wrong. However, hadn't he been the one to tell me to discuss things like that with him? That we were to keep those channels open? I thought I was doing what he wanted by telling him. I began to get frustrated and even more worried.

I decided to call Ms. Oeaux and see what she thought. We had messaged back and forth a few times over the last few weeks and she had encouraged me to talk to Aaron like I did. Her message back stated she was surprised he had that kind of reaction. We discussed the situation at length, and she told me to stick with it, that it might be nothing, but it should be something we talk about further at the next Society event. She was in Berlin and couldn't be there, but she said to call and talk to her anytime.