Finally Mine 04

Once again, thank you to my incredible editor, the ruggedly handsome Dino. Not sure how I got by without him during HKA. He catches everything, and it's awesome! Plus, he certainly makes writing fun, even if I do occasionally laugh more than write.

Again, the same note I've been leaving on every chapter, anything that deals with medical things may be incorrect, or may not be the experience everyone has. Things are written a certain way for the progression of the story, and are not necessarily correct. If I mess something up, feel free to rant about it in the comments. I apologize in advance for anything that anyone feels in incorrect.

Enjoy Ch 04 of Finally Mine!

~shysubmissivegirl~

*

~Emma~

Once John left, I collapsed into Alex's chest, burying my face in the warmth I found there. The side benefit was the fact that it hid my steadily reddening cheeks. "I'm sorry Sir."

"None of that, kitten. There's absolutely no need for you to be sorry about anything. I'm just glad that you're okay," he told me. I could hear the relief in his voice, and a wave of guilt washed over me.

"I'm sorry I worried you..." I whispered.

"Hey, I already said none of that. I know you're in a panic, but that doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly start tolerating a fit of disobedience. Say it again, and you'll certainly have a need to say sorry. There is absolutely no reason for you to apologize. You've been through hell and back, and the only thing that matters right now is that you're okay. I love you, kitten. I want to be here for you, through the good times of course, but also through the bad. I love taking care of you, I love being here for you. I love holding you, and most of all, I just love you."

I nuzzled into his chest, a smile ghosting over my lips.

It was at moments like this when it was hard to even bring to mind the flashbacks I'd been experiencing all day.

Just thinking of them brought a sour taste to my mouth, and frowning, I pulled away.

Alex noticed instantly, and hesitated. It was easy to tell that he was unsure of himself. "Sir? I'm scared. What if he gets out, and comes after me? Or after anyone else? He's so awful, and I just... I can't imagine going back to that. Ever. I don't know what to do, and I'm just so scared Sir," I finally confess.

"Oh kitten." His arms wrap around me tightly, holding me close to him. "I will never let anyone hurt you. You're mine, and I will do whatever it takes to protect you. I promise."

I lay there, my head on his chest, thinking for a bit.

All of the memories of everything Jordan ever did to me overtake me, sweeping me away in their filthy current. The times he beat me, when he killed my baby, when he degraded me, when I was so afraid I thought I might die. All of the pain he caused me. I always thought I deserved what he did to me. The terrible ways he made me feel, the awful things that he said and did to me were all made worse by the way he told me that I deserved all of it.

For a long time, I thought that I loved him. I managed to convince myself that he was the one for me. Thank God I'd been able to come to my senses before he killed me. I'd been lucky to escape him with my life.

All of this made me think a great deal. It made me think of my life with Alex. He never made me feel that way. He took care of me. He never punished me overly harshly, he never punished me for no reason, and he always respected me when I needed something. My opinion was valued. He guided me through things, and he taught me. Jordan had never done any of these things.

I was lucky to have escaped Jordan. It was something far beyond luck that guided me to Alex, and let me become his. Every piece of the puzzle that was my life that had fallen in place to get me here was just more proof of how lucky I was, and how undeserving of all of this I really was.

I nuzzled into Alex's chest. "Thank you. For taking care of me. For everything you do for me, really. I'm so lucky to be yours."

Alex pressed a kiss to my head, and a pleasurable tingle raced through my body. Not a sexual one. I wasn't ready for that, and we both knew it. Just one of pure love for this man who was holding me so close. "I'm lucky that you're mine, kitten."

We sat like this for a good long while, just the two of us cuddling. I always loved when we did this. It was nice to know that not everything in our relationship had to be purely sexual, and that we could just snuggle sometimes. He always seemed to know when I needed something like this.

"Can you take me back to bed, Sir?" I asked.

"Of course, love."

I felt his arms wrap tighter around me, and lift me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and cuddled closer, drifting off as we made our way up the stairs.

I was so lucky to have him as my Master.

Alex laid me on the bed, and pulled the covers up around me.

I frowned, and reached out my arms, searching for his body. "Sir?"

"Yes, kitten?"

"Why aren't you laying next to me?" I asked, a little bit of a pout entering my voice.

"I didn't want to do something that might make you upset. John said that you might be a bit unsettled for a while afterwards, and that you needed to take it easy," he explained, his shoulders stroking that place where my shoulder and neck met.

I sighed contently. "Fuck John, and fuck what he said. Please lay next to me, Sir." I said, blinking up at him.

He gave me a small smile, and within a few seconds, was slipping in next to me under the covers. I curled into him, and felt his hands stroking my hair. It felt absolutely incredible, and I wanted to curl into him even more.

Suddenly, his hand gripped my hair tight, and he ripped my head away from his chest. "Fucking whore! What the hell do you think you're doing, you little slut. When did I say you could fucking touch me?" He shouted down, split flinging from his face as his cheeks and brow turned an angry red.

I whimpered an apology, curling into myself. It was a familiar position for me, one I'd held many times before. "Did I say you could make a sound? You little fucking cunt. God I'm so glad Jordan killed your kid, so there aren't more of you wandering around."

Alex continued to swear, ripping hair from my head with how forcefully he dragged me around by it. "You need to get your little ass whipped, don't you?"

I wanted to shake my head, but the numbness had already settled over me. There was nothing I could do to get him out of this mindset when he was in it. Resisting would only mean a bigger punishment for me.

I felt him rip at my arms and flip me over, securing my hands with brutal force. I let out a shriek of pain, and felt him slap me hard, several times. "Shut up, you little cunt."

I lay there, on the bed, whimpering and waiting.

Finally, the punishment started. Oh God, the pain was sharp and so deep. My throat was hoarse from screaming, my limbs ached from flailing and tugging on my restraints. I was certain my wrists were bloody, as they had been several times from similar situations.

I was begging him to stop, pleading with with, but he wouldn't.

The pain was so great, and I heard him laughing in my ear. "Oh kitten..."

Suddenly, I shot up with a start, screaming. My body was covered with sweat, and I was shaking. Tears were streaming down my face, and I couldn't help the second scream that ripped out of my throat.

Alex was in front of me, a look of concern on his face. "Kitten, it's me. It's Alex. Please, love, it's okay. I love you. It's okay. You're okay. I'm here to take care of you."

I collapsed into him, shaking violently. "It was you... and you were so mean... and it hurt so bad," I sobbed out, unable to stop myself. I felt his arms encircle me comfortingly, gently.

"I'm sorry, love. I'm sorry. I would never hurt you, I promise. I'm only here to take care of you, and love you. You're safe with me, and you always will be," he reassured me, murmuring words of comfort into my ear, and rocking me gently back and forth as he spoke.

I slowly calmed down, taking comfort in his words.

The dream Alex hadn't been real. This was the real Alex.

I just needed to tell myself that over and over.

It was easy to remind myself of it, when I was in a rational mind. I knew Alex loved me, and I knew he would never say any of the awful things that he'd said in my dream. But for some reason, I was unable to make myself think of that when I was in the dream.

I felt my eyelids begin to droop, and I force them open. "I don't want to go to sleep, Sir... The nightmares are just awful. And I can never tell that they're not real. Please don't make me."

I felt his lips smile against my forehead. "I don't think I can stop you, my love. But how about this... wait here for a second, I'm going to get you something."

He gently laid me back down in the bed, and slipped out the door. I pulled his pillow close to me while he was gone, inhaling his comforting smell. After a few minutes, he returned, carrying something in his hands.

He came and sat next to me, and proudly showed me what he was holding. It was a beautifully dyed loom, with string intricately weaving it's way throughout. A couple of feathers with beads hung below it. "What is it Sir?" I asked, intrigued.

"It's a dream catcher, pet. It will catch all of the bad dreams while you sleep, and only let the good ones through. That way, you can't have any nightmares. Okay?"

I smiled up at him. "I love it Sir. Will you hang it up for it?"

"Of course."

He hung it up on the window, so the moonlight shone through the gaps in the weaving.

"I love you kitten," he told me, climbing back in beside me.

"I love you too, Sir. Thank you for being here for me. I know this isn't what you really expected from being my Master, and I really appreciate it."

"Kitten, this is what being a Master means. I know it sometimes means dominating you in bed, collaring you, and taking you the way I want to. But it also means taking care of you, and being here for you, and protecting you. I love every aspect of being your Master, and that includes taking care of you."

I smiled up at him, feeling sleep begin to overtake me. With all that he'd said and done for me, I was sure that the dream catcher wasn't going to have a hard time keeping the nightmares away. There wouldn't be any more coming tonight.

~Breena~

I sighed, pausing in front of the doors to the counseling firm. Everything looked so cold and metallic, and I wasn't really sure about this place. There was an air of indifference surrounding the building that frightened me more than a little bit.

However, I knew the firm came highly recommended, and so I pushed the doors open and made my way into the lobby. A very attractive young lady sat at the desk, tapping away at the keyboard. Her eyes flickered up to me, and a smile crossed her face. "Just one moment, and I'll be with you."

I nodded slowly, allowing my eyes to wander around the place. It was quite opulent. Lots of golds and silvers, and a very modern feel to the whole place. It was obvious that the owners wanted to convey their wealth and success. That was a bit off-putting.

I let it slide though, convincing myself that there was a reasonable explanation behind it. Surely they had to at least appear wealthy in order to impress clients or other firms. They had a reputation to uphold. That had to be it.

The secretary finished tapping away at her keyboard, and smiled up at me. "How may I help you?" she asked, a genuine sense of happiness in her voice.

"I have an appointment right now. With... I think his name was Tyler?" I told her, a bit unsure of myself.

She gave me a soft smile, and clicked a few buttons on the keyboard. "Ah, right here, our three o'clock. Please, take a seat, and I'll buzz Tyler to let him know that you're here."

I nodded, and carefully took a seat in one of the chairs arranged stylishly throughout the lobby. The one in the corner had been calling my name, and so I sat there. I tried to be casual about it, but my eyes kept flickering to the doors and many windows, always watching for anyone who might come in. I didn't want to be caught unawares if anything were to happen.

I heard a door open, and turned my head in that direction. A man was stepping towards me, a smile on his face. He was the image of perfection, and I instantly disliked him. Everything about him seemed rather forced-- the smile, the flawless teeth, the perfectly styled hair, the pressed and tailored suit, the gleaming shoes. He felt as frigid as the building did.

I bit the inside of my lip, trying to keep from bolting. There was something about him that just screamed wrong to me. He seemed dangerous, and my blood ran cold at the thought of being alone with him in a room, let alone telling him everything that had happened to me. I couldn't even come close to imagining letting him coach me through the hard times I had been through.. The thought bordered on ridiculous.

"Hello, Miss. I'm Tyler. We're ready for you in here," He said, extending his hand to me. Hesitantly, I placed my hand in his, and let him tug me out of my chair. I followed behind him, trying to suppress my feelings of distaste.

He took me to a door, and opened it, placing a hand on my back and gently pushing me in before him. I flinched at the feel of him touching me, but he didn't seem to notice, as he kept his hand on me as we continued into the room.

"Sit," he told me, gesturing to the stereotypical couch that every single therapist seems to have. It was a glossy black recliner with little divots throughout, and it honestly looked very uncomfortable. I hesitated, looking back to him to ensure that he was serious. He raised an eyebrow as if daring me to protest.

I sat.

"Go on then, lean back. Get comfortable," he ordered in a stern voice. I lay back slowly, trying to avoid the metal protrusions that came from each of the divots. I seriously doubted that I would be comfortable any time soon.

Maybe that was the point of the chair. It certainly seemed as though this particular therapist might use that level of discomfort to make me uneasy, so I might make a mistake or slip up out of anxiety. I doubted that he could anticipate the fact that I had a relatively scripted response to every question every previous counselor had asked me.

It wasn't that I didn't want help getting over things. I honestly did. I knew that I would be able to recover more quickly and more fully if I allowed myself to get certain things off of my chest. I also knew, however, that there are plenty of counselors who simply didn't understand my point of view on things.

It was nearly impossible to try and explain it to them when I was questioning it myself. I needed someone who understood why I chose what I did, and who could explain it back to me. Someone who could tell me that what had happened wasn't entirely my fault. I knew I'd made mistakes, and that I should have been more careful with who I allowed to have that level of control over me, so a good portion of the blame rested on me. But surely it couldn't be entirely mine, right?

I stared at the man who was to be my new counselor. If the feeling I was getting from this man was correct, I wasn't going to get any of that here. If anything, I was pretty sure I'd get the exact same thing I'd received every other place. The same confused looks, the same look of revulsion that each of them tried to conceal, the same awkward parting. No one seemed to know how to handle my situation.

I looked over at Tyler to find him studying me. "What are you thinking about?"

My instant response was to tell him what I usually told everyone, "Nothing." Instead, I forced myself to tell him the truth. Even if I had bad initial feelings about how it would go, I was willing to give it a chance. None of my endeavors would ever be successful if I wasn't willing to do that. "I'm worrying about how the session will go."

He laughed, and the sound grated on my nerves. It was discomforting to have him laughing at my entirely real feelings, but I brushed it aside. He probably didn't mean it in a negative way, and was probably trying to put me at ease.

I watched him lean over and press a button, starting the recording. "Let's get started. Would you care to explain to me what happened to you?" He asked.

"Haven't you heard it already?" I asked. Most people had, and I'd be genuinely surprised if he had managed to avoid all of it.

He let out a long sigh, and ran a hand through his hair. "Yes, I've already heard it. I simply want to hear what you think of it," he explained, as though he were talking to a child.

I furrowed my brow, and bit my lip. I didn't really want to explain it to him. The very idea made me incredibly uncomfortable. "I'm... I don't know if I'm comfortable trying to explain it all yet," I said honestly.

"Really? Because if we can't even talk about what happened, we're going to get nowhere with any of this." He sighed again, an agitated look crossing his face.

I frowned. He was being rather rude about all of it, if I was honest. I took a deep breath, and tried to calm myself. I'm sure that it was just my interpretation of things that made it seem this way. As long as I tried to understand his point of view then perhaps things would work out.

"I... there's not much to say other than what you already know. I went on willingly, I was naive, and he took advantage of that. I didn't understand everything that was going on, and as such, he did things to me that I very strongly disliked. I didn't understand the fact that I could say no, regardless of the situation I'd placed myself in. He kept me in a cage, and things got bad. He brought people in who did... awful things..." My voice drifted off, and my throat constricted in that uncomfortable way. I took a deep, calming breath. I wasn't going to cry.

"Is that it?" He asked in a bored voice.

I blinked twice.

"Yes. That's it," I whispered.

"Well, if that's all you have to say, we can be done for today. I don't think we're going to get much else done. For now, I'll prescribe you some anxiety medication."

I nodded, a sinking feeling in my stomach. "What... which medication are you prescribing me?"

He gave me a look, a condescending smile on his face.

"Don't worry. You'll still be you."

"Oh no, that's not-" I began, but he cut me off.

"You'll be fine. Come on, my secretary has already sent ahead for it at the pharmacy. I just need to sign the paper."

He strode out past me and back into the lobby, leaving me with no choice but to follow him.

He held a slip of paper out to me. "There's a pharmacy around the corner. I'll see you next week for your appointment."

And with that, he left. There was a twinge in my chest. This was just exactly like what my old Master would do to me. He'd make decisions, and never take into consideration the fact that I might have something pertinent to say. The thought settled into my mind, and my stomach twisted itself into knots.

Things felt very, very wrong. I turned to his secretary, and she gave me an apologetic smile. "He can get very frustrated quite easily, and I know he's upset because we're behind on paperwork. The other guy that usually helps out with it took a vacation this week, so we're struggling to stay on top of it. I know that's not much of an excuse, but it might explain a bit of his mood. And he's rather abrupt to begin with so..."

I nodded, and looked at the slip of paper in my hand. I read the name of the medication, and winced. I'd taken it before, and the side effects had been miserable. I couldn't function due to exhaustion and dizziness. I looked up, about to ask her if there was any way I could change it, but the phone rang, and she gave me a smile that definitely screamed "goodbye."