It took just 15 minutes... No more, no less. 15 minutes and I had taken the step from which I would not look back:
It began far earlier though, as all stories do. I had always been the most innocent of good girls. Wholesome and protected for much of my life. That was unlikely to change in the autumn of 2021. Until then, my favourite word was no! I, Kelly Collins, was a feminist, a prude, naive. Frankly, I was a bit of a bitch, and anyway; who had even heard of a kink psychologist 🤷🏻♀️.
My upbringing was a good one but sheltered and for good reason. My parents were (and are) amazing. Very safe and protective of me in all ways. Their love was absolute, yet circumstances had been challenging. By age six I had become quite unwell, to the extent that I would become wheelchair-bound for seven years. The pain in my bones was awful. I spent many times on steroids and medication. Trips to the physio were torturous and, at the worst of times. There were times when I feared I may not see my adult years. Fortunately for me, the worst passed, and whilst there will always be difficult periods. I not only made it into adulthood but am here at age 40.
So. Why am I telling you this? What the heck am I doing here on an erotic literature website? I think it's important to understand where I've come from to understand what a leap I have taken and continue to take.
I was a very naive, sheltered 21-year-old who sang in the chapel choir when I first met Wyn. I had had previous boyfriends and had my heart broken. I was struggling to overcome a past trauma. These experiences affected my trust and relationship with others, particularly men. I was in a dark place.
Wyn was different. He listened, really heard me. And as it turned out was a horny kinky bugger with plans for me far beyond my imagination at that time. What was supposed to be a final term, end of uni fling became very intense and two months later, we were engaged on our graduation day. We have now been together for 19 years.
Wyn would soon gradually start introducing me to kink. First a little dressing up. I retain fond memories of a black PVC nurse's uniform and Wyn travelling up to see me from Swansea on a public coach in his tight vinyl police uniform. I was extremely vanilla in my outlook but this excited me. However, I was still very judgemental (I apologise for this as I didn't know better). Wyn has always been kinky. I struggled to understand this and how much it was (and is) a part of him. I hated porn, was scared of so many things and was terrified of judgement. Equally, what did it say about me? Girls are unconsciously programmed to be good. To be nice. Not to hurt others, etc.
Fast forward a few years. I was married. We had bought a house. I had two hip replacements and a healthy child. You would think things must be rosey. While we loved each other deeply, we struggled sexually. My sex drive was low, and he was very high (never ideal). We had regular conflicts regarding the amount of sex, let alone the type. We continued to try to identify areas of kink which we both enjoyed, we tried a lot. However, when Wyn would try to dominate me, it just never felt right; I would shut down and become unresponsive. This in itself led to more conflict and frustration for both of us.
I know now that It wasn't that I didn't need a dom. It's that it wasn't him.
The breaking point for us came 2 years ago when my sex drive had declined to practically nothing. Sex had at that time become a chore for me, particularly kink and I hate admitting that. It wasn't that I didn't love Wyn, I did, but lockdowns and being on top of each other 24/7 and not in a fun way, really tested us. We were both unhappy, especially Wyn. I felt that I wasn't enough and would never be able to match his needs. In desperation, after a particularly gut-wrenching argument, I suggested marriage counselling. Wyn shocked me by agreeing but was scared that he would be judged for his fetishistic needs. He sought out a kink-friendly psychologist and this has been life-changing for both of us. Ella enabled us to communicate without judgment and listen to each other.
