The drive to my place was mostly quiet. Despite the many questions circling my thoughts I didn't want to push Cay to answer them all right away. She sat staring out the passenger window with her dark black hair lined over her eyes, hiding herself from my view. It left me anxious to connect with her again. She was a wall that I could not break through. Thirty minutes into our drive, I finally urged myself to speak.
"Sweetheart, are you okay?" I felt weird using a term of endearment for the first time in over a year. It sounded awkward coming from my lips.
"Yes ma'am." Cay answered back in a monotone voice.
"Cay, I'd like to ask you some questions about your father." She said nothing in return. I took her silence as a willingness to comply. "Does he hit you?" Again, Cay said nothing. Her silence was suffocating. "Are you scared to answer my question?"
"You wouldn't understand," she finally said.
"Explain it to me," I urged.
"Bad girls need to be punished."
"What?" I asked, not expecting her response to be so blunt.
"If I'm a bad girl, I need to punished," she said again, almost rehearsing her words.
"Is that what he told you?"
"No," she started. "Well, yes. But it's not like that. I ask for it." We had reached my driveway at that point. I put the car in park and thought carefully on what to say next. Cay stared ahead, analyzing the exterior of my quaint house while I fumbled into unknown territory.
"Cayla, no one has the right to hit you no matter what they tell you. You don't have to defend him anymore, he can't hurt you from here. He'll never hu-"
"This was a mistake," Cayla said as she stepped out of the car in a hurry. I quickly got out as well, scared that she might take off running if I lagged behind.
"Cayla dont!" I said firmly. My student remained where she stood, back towards me. "Turn around." Cayla turned to face me though her eyes were aimed downwards. "Look at me," I tried again. She gazed up into my eyes and I had to refrain from loudly inhaling. Her eyes were penetrating, unlike anything I'd ever seen before. I was peering into an ocean of foamy blues and hunter greens swirling madly in each iris. It was mesmerizing. "Let's go inside and we'll talk about this. You're staying here tonight, okay?"
"Yes ma'am," she answered slowly. I was beginning to notice Cayla's willingness to obey whenever I told her what to do. It wasn't something she seemed to even think about. As we walked inside I took her bag and set it on a side table where I kept my keys. I guided my guest into the living room, passing the kitchen on the way.
"Are you hungry or thirsty? Can I get you some water?"
"No thank you," Cay answered. I doubted she had eaten since school lunch, over five hours ago. Out of habit I poured her a drink of water and carried it into the living room.
"Sit down, please." I told her as I set her water on a table beside her. I sat down beside her and watched her as she tried to get comfortable. Cayla kept her knees tucked in closely with her hands over her lap. She glanced around the room, looking everywhere but into my eyes. I had gotten used to her lack of speaking and knew we would sit in silence for hours if I didn't say something first. "Cayla," I started. "When I gave you extra credit last week I saw bruises under your skirt." Her eyes widened then. She turned to look at me and surprisingly responded without being asked to.
"You looked under my skirt?"
"Uh-" I hadn't expected that. "Well, yes. You had bruises. Was that from your father?"
"I told you. I was bad."
"You keep saying that but it sounds to me like he's taught you that abuse is okay."
"I know it's not okay. But I asked for it. I wanted him to spank me." My eyes widened. Had I heard that correctly?
"You wanted to be hit?"
"Yes," she said with certainty.
"Why?" Cayla refrained from giving me an answer. I saw her cheeks begin to grow red the longer I stared at her. "Cay, if you want this will stay between us. No one else has to know."
"I-" She stuttered, trying to find the proper explanation. "I'm a submissive." I couldn't even find the words. What was she saying? How could I ask her to explain that? Cayla seemed to pick up on my confusion. "I do what my dad says and he tells me I'm a good girl. I like it. When I'm bad I get punished. Usually a spanking."
"You said you...like it?" I was trying so hard not to make Cayla feel uncomfortable but this was far beyond anything I had ever experienced in bed. I had spanked my fiance a few times before but never as a punishment. The term "bad girl" was hardly thrown around in our relationship.
"You think I'm a freak," Cayla concluded. She began to move away from me, a look of dread in her eyes.
"No! I just... Why did you run away from your dad if you... like what he does to you?"
"Because he was never like this. He touches me, now. He told me when I turned 18 it would be consensual and he could..." Her voice trailed off as she lowered her head. Cayla's long black hair cascaded around her face. "He's not my real father. He married my mother when I was young then she passed away."
"Has he ever...?"
"No," she answered. "I'm... a virgin. But he wants to. That's why I don't like to be home." My head was spinning. My curiosity over a quiet student had grown into far more than I could ever imagine. Now I had a submissive sitting on my couch, and I was unsure of what to do next.
"Drink some water," I said without thinking. Cayla reached for the glass I had set beside her and took a gulp of it while her eyes connected with mine. I had figured she could use a sip after confessing something like that but did not take into account the manner in which I had said it.
"Do you always listen to what someone tells you?" I asked curiously. I could see how she'd easily be taken advantage of that way.
"I know you must think I'm crazy. There's no way to describe it. I feel free when someone else is making my decisions. Submitting yourself over to someone, trusting them with everything, it's not like anything else." Cayla was ashamed of herself, I could tell. I had made her feel this way with my questions and inability to understand. But the more I watched her listen to me, the more I began to think that maybe I did know what she was talking about. Cayla was being very good and I wanted nothing more than to tell her so.
"Why do you listen to me?" I wondered then.
"I wish you hadn't asked me that," she said lowly.
"Answer my question, Cay." I told her, feeling unashamed in knowing she'd obey.
"Please, no." I had never seen her hesitate or refuse me. My thoughts traveled back to the sight of her purple bottom, bruised by something she deemed as "being a bad girl". Did this situation call for the same punishment? I reached out and ran my hand through Cay's hair before settling it near the crook of her neck, my thumb resting behind her ear. She stared into my eyes then, surprised by the physical contact. I repeated myself to her.
"Answer my question." She must have realized our proximity then because with a glance between us, she swallowed and tried to find the words.