[April 2023]
My name is Linda Koch. If that last name sounds familiar, it's because I'm distantly related to a certain pair of brothers. And while not quite as rich as them, I'm worth a couple of billion. I'm also early middle-aged, so I have another 30-40 years of life left.
And I'm here to tell you how I acquired a 27-year-old former Spetsnaz commando as my willing slave boy.
It started in mid-August of last year. A group called "Trumping Justice" waited until 12:30 AM, Pacific time, and then launched simultaneous attacks on all nine Justices and every federal judge. Their objective was to eliminate them all, on the theory that if there was no Supreme Court and no federal judges, Donald Trump could not be tried and convicted of federal crimes. (They nearly succeeded: Justice Jackson was the only Justice to survive, and she escaped unharmed. Six judges were unharmed, and four more were wounded but survived.)
While the nation was still in shock, precisely 48 hours after their first attack Trumping Justice launched a second one. This time they went after people who were on Mr. Trump's list of enemies. The Republican Governor of Georgia, the leaders of the Senate and House Republicans, and Trump's own former Vice-President were eliminated for being "RINO's", and attacks were launched on every other Republican who had competed in the 2016 primaries. Bobby Jindal and Mark Everson survived unharmed: all the others were taken out.
Ironically, all of Trumping Justice's efforts were rendered moot. Two weeks after their first attack, a 500-pound man, very stressed, living on fast food, and suffering from the debilitating effects of long COVID, went to sleep in the evening and died peacefully during the night of natural causes at age 76. But I'm getting ahead of the story.
36 hours after their second attack, and before they had a chance to perform a third one, Trumping Justice had 100 of their members arrested by the FBI. They were quickly determined to be Russians, either mercenaries or Spetsnaz commandos. Rumors had it that the ones arrested were interrogated using truth serum. Regardless of how the FBI did it, within another six hours every remaining member of Trumping Justice was in federal custody.
That triggered major geopolitical events. 48 hours after the arrests, US Special Forces troops swarmed into Russia. With the Russian military tied up in Ukraine, there was no one left to defend the home front. Vladimir Putin and every powerful Russian who either supported him or supported the invasion of Ukraine were eliminated, and Alexei Navalny became the new ruler of Russia. He resurrected the term Tsar. Tsar Alexei's first move was to decree Putinism a crime with a mandatory sentence of instant death, and his forces enforced this law very strictly -- within two days, 300,000 Putin supporters had been executed. This included a global broadcast of 60,000 being put to death in Red Square, to a live performance by Pussy Riot.
Tsar Alexei's second move was to pull the Russian army out of Ukraine. He seized all the bank accounts formerly belonging to Putin and the oligarchs who had backed him and used a good portion of the money to pay reparations to the Ukranian government, while issuing a heartfelt personal apology to President Zelenskyy. The Crimea and Donbass regions were returned to Ukraine and all of Putin's agents/supporters in those regions executed.
The Tsar used about half of the money remaining to pay damages to the US for the actions of Trumping Justice. The leftover funds were disbursed to the Russian peasants. He said he would leave it up to us to determine what to do with the men (they were, in fact, all men) involved.
Meanwhile, back in this country, the second attack had galvanized the Never Trump wing of the GOP. The people like me, who just wanted to run our businesses and didn't give three whoops about abortion laws or gay people or any of the other nonsense spouted by the Evandalists. In a display that showed how quickly Congress could move when they wanted, we Never Trumpers partnered with the Democrats to ram a law through within two days making Trumpism and Evandalism a crime with -- since we're not as ruthless as Tsar Alexei -- a mandatory sentence of instant, permanent exile from the United States.
Some of the Trumpers resisted violently when the Army and National Guard came for them. Those were the ones who ended up as fertilizer. But about 10 million of them were rounded up and exiled to Siberia, along with the Evandalists. We heard that Tsar Alexei had made good use of them, putting them to work in labor camps of strict regime.
Naturally, this caused both major parties in the US as they were before all of this to vanish, and new blocs to form. We Never Trumpers coalesced with the moderate Democrats like Biden, Manchin, Sinema, etc., to form the Business Party. Our goal was to have just enough regulations on businesses to keep the economy going and the workers to be healthy and have enough money to pay for necessities, with maybe a couple hundred a month extra. But within those restrictions, we felt like corporations were a good thing.
The Bernie Sanders/AOC wing of what had been the Democrats became the Socialist Party. They wanted major reforms to the system and the elimination of corporate power. Kamala Harris was a member of this party, so Biden put Mitt Romney in her place as VP.
The November election results gave the Business Party 58 Senators, 239 Representatives, 31 Governors and full control of 27 state legislatures. And after all that, we still had to decide the fate of the men who had formed Trumping Justice.
