Your class starts in less than five minutes and I'm sitting immobile in my car, wondering whether I should actually go inside. Facing you after last week will be nigh impossible. I still can't believe you did what you did... or that I allowed it.
Worse still is wrestling with the knowledge that I loved every minute. Your brutal abuse of my body was one of the most perverse and exciting things I've ever experienced, but I know I can never let it happen again.
I'm no man's toy, and certainly not one to be used by a virtual stranger! Just like that my decision is made; if I don't face you today I'll never get the experience out of my head or be able to move past it - past you.
Just like the week before I'm the last of your students to enter the classroom. I walk briskly into the room, sit down without looking towards your desk and take out my computer and notepad. Finally I look up and there's a sharp stab in my gut as I take in the scene before me.
Last week the front of the classroom contained only your large desk. Today the remaining space has been turned into...what? The word that sails through my head uninvited is "dungeon", but the connotations are too much to process so I go into mental reverse and settle on "play room". I can process that without acting on my overwhelming desire to flee.
When I eventually look at you I'm not surprised to see your stormy eyes studying my face. You've clearly been watching my reaction to the tableau and you're amused. That infuriates me and I hold onto the anger.
I can deal with you if I'm angry. It's the sense of total vulnerability I experienced last week that I know will be my undoing if I allow my mind to go there again.
And then you launch into your lecture and despite myself I'm again drawn in by your rich baritone; fascinated by your subject matter. You explain that as a writer of erotica one has to be able to move beyond one's comfort zone.
Good writers understand their readers' fantasies and play to their kinks to draw them into the story. "Erotica is all about creating fantasies so rich that they compel audiences to see and experience your words. If the narration is good, readers will actually live them for a brief time," you explain. "Audiences should be mesmerised by your characters and your story until the end; as the writer the control is yours."
With that, you start moving easily through the big and small items that adorn the dungeon (no, play room!), explaining the use of each one as you go. You have an array of furniture; a St Andrew's Cross, an adjustable flogging bench, a wicked looking human-shaped cage and a rope rig that hangs menacingly from the ceiling are just a few of the objects on display.
Each you describe, and weave short tales around how they're used. The stories are perverse, filthy and so exciting that I find myself shifting uncomfortably in my seat as moisture soaks through my lacy knickers. With those narratives the hour flies past, and all too soon you're wrapping up with a writing assignment for the week. The assignment is to research sexual bondage and how the equipment is used, then write a creative BDSM story. Your last words to the class are a reminder to leave the previous week's assignment on your desk.
I'm determined today not to be the last out, but as I drop my assignment in the basket I hear you say quietly: "Please remain for a minute. We need to discuss last week."
I'm frozen. I don't want to face you, talk to you. I want to rush out, but you clearly sense that because your long fingers snake around my wrist and you repeat just one word: "Please." This time, though, it isn't a request but an instruction and my feet become leaden.
One by one the other students leave and then it's just us. "Did you learn enough in our one-on-one class last week to write something really creative for your first assignment?" you ask.
My eyes meet yours, I find that core of anger again and I say: "No, I didn't. Your behaviour was vile; a complete violation and you should be grateful I didn't have you arrested!"
I expect you to recoil, but instead you start laughing and the rich sound fills the room.
"Arrested? Why? You loved every second of it. You were begging me for more!" you eventually splutter when you're able to speak. "Oh dear...I was really hoping you'd learnt something worthwhile. Clearly that wasn't enough to make you understand, which will make you a poor erotica writer at the end of the day. We can't have that, so I believe another extra lesson would be of benefit. Hopefully one more open exchange will finally make you think!"
And with that, you grab both my wrists with one hand. The other hand snakes around my body and smoothly unzips my dress in one motion. You let go of my wrists for as long as it takes to pull the dress down over my arms, and by the time the fabric whispers to the floor you have me back in a vice grip.
You spin me around, capture my elbows behind my back and your other hand finds my hair. With a single swirl your fingers are knotted and my head is yanked back sharply as you frog march me across the floor.
I hear the rasp of plastic and feel a sharp pinch around my wrists, then a second around my elbows. My arms are utterly immobilised behind my back with two simple cable ties. "That should hold you for a minute and prevent any attempts to gouge out my eyes," you chuckle.
Then you lift me bodily, swing me forwards and plant me astride the narrow central bar of the flogging bench. I feel cool leather encircling my ankles as you tighten cuffs, then the same as you close a second set of buckles behind my knees.
I try to turn my head to identify a rattling of metal behind me, but your hand returns to my hair and I feel my head being forced down hard against the padded bench.
I wail in protest, but your voice is implacable: "If I want you to see something I'll tell you where to look. In fact..." The rattling ceases and a second later I feel the soft caress of velvet against my cheek. You pull on the fabric and move it upwards until it covers my eyes, then I feel you knotting it tightly around the back of my head. The strip of velvet is midnight black and I'm utterly blind.
Then something hard and rubbery is pressing my lips against my teeth with such force that I gasp involuntarily. As my mouth opens, I feel a hard ball forcing its way between my lips and you buckle the gag behind my head.