In fact, in my experience most submissive women are quite strong. They have made a conscious choice to submit to another, and by nature are willing to accept a lot in order to achieve what they desire, but not from just anyone. For example, while Master can do with me as he chooses regardless of my feelings and I accept that as his right, this acceptance is based on the love and respect I have for him. Especially the respect, as I think I would obey someone I respected greatly, even if I did not love them. But without that hard-earned respect and the certain knowledge I was safe in their hands I would certainly not feel that that I wanted to submit to just anyone. In fact I'm quite sure that I would run away rather than obey them.
When I talk to Master or Chloe I always feel that I'm being completely understood. This is one reason I can trust them to take control of me and yet still feel that I am quite safe and secure, even when I am being made to do things that I have never done before or would not normally imagine myself doing.
Like most women I sometimes say one thing when I mean another. A lot of men find this confusing and complain that they never know what a woman really wants. Neither Master nor Chloe ever have a problem with any dissembling on my part. For a start they know me well enough to be able to tell what I'm really thinking even when I say yes when I mean no, or no when I mean yes. They can *read* me like a book and they know very well that there are times when I say the opposite to what I mean.
I'm really not trying to be contrary but sometimes I don't like to admit to what I really want. Occasionally, despite all the training Master has patiently provided, I still feel ashamed to admit that I'm such a slut. For example, if he asks me if I'd like to be spanked before he fucks me I'll pretend not to want it even though I do. I know I really do want it, but I still say no. Master knows I really want it, and he probably knows I'll say no, but he just likes to tease me by making me say I don't want something I really do and then have to beg for what I've just said I don't want. Is this confusing? Maybe a little, but I don't really think so. I'm just a complex little bitch and you need to know how to handle me, as Master often says.
In any case I enjoy being able to say what I think I want and then have a decision made for me regardless. It's not that my opinion is disregarded but somehow Master knows that I'll be happy with his decision even if I don't initially think so. I may genuinely protest but afterwards I'm always content with the way things turned out. My protestations are not ignored but rather reinterpreted. I always feel relieved that he didn't listen to my silly protests and instead just did what he felt was right for me. I know he will do what he feels is right regardless of what others think (including me).
Master is actually a very thoughtful and ethical person and considers things carefully before acting. I'm just one of the *things* he considers carefully, and he will act as he thinks best regardless of what I say. It's this certainty that I will be looked after even if my expressed wishes are disregarded that defines my life. Knowing this makes me feel *free* even as I'm reminded very forcefully that I am truly enslaved. Both Master and Chloe have the kind of innate communication with me which makes my agreement or disagreement unnecessary. When I found them it was like suddenly being with someone who understood my language and culture after spending a long time (most of my life, really) with strangers who understood neither.
In any case it doesn't really matter what I want as I will be given what I need even if I'm not really sure what that is. My phone conversation with Master may have been more one-sided than usual but he allowed me to rattle on because he knew that I was very wired-up at the moment and needed to get it all out of my system. Chloe would normally be a suitable audience for my chatter but in this case I don't want to unload my feelings onto my dear friend until I've had the opportunity to discuss my proposal with her. So Master was really the only person to whom I could express my thoughts and dreams right now.
Over many years Master and I have discussed all kinds of things as he has always set aside time for me to talk with him, usually at the end of each day. I feel very strongly that in many more conventional relationships things are often not discussed very openly or at all. People either just take a lot for granted, or fear to express their innermost thoughts and desires. In a busy world how many couples have time to sit together and talk over whatever is on their minds every day... or even once a week? It's hardly surprising that there is frequently a lack of real communication between people who are supposedly sharing their lives. I'm very fortunate in that I never have to despair of a lack of intimacy with Master as he likes to discuss everything with me and we talk about a wide range of topics.
I really have no secrets at all from Master, and I feel no shame in sharing even my most deviant thoughts and desires with him. I know that he is not going to judge me or reject me even if I tell him things that most people would find disturbing or at best strange. Nothing I come out with is ever shocking or disturbing to him. He will tell me if I'm talking nonsense, but most often he allows me to bring up any thoughts I have in my head no matter how bizarre they might seem.
I blush even now when I recall one of our earliest emails when Master casually asked about my fantasies and in response I blurted out that one of my strongest fantasies was to be made to whore myself! I don't know why I felt able to tell him something like that so easily. I'm sure many people would find it difficult to admit to having such a fantasy even to someone with whom they were very intimate. After all, I had only written one or two emails to this man, we had never met, and at that stage I didn't even know what he looked like as we had not yet exchanged photos.... And yet I was telling him one of my deepest and darkest fantasies just because he happened to ask a very general question about that topic.
Fortunately Master didn't respond negatively and he didn't assume I wanted to go out and do such a thing right away either. Many men think describing a fantasy is the same as expressing a desire to do that same thing in reality, when in fact there's often a big difference between fantasy and reality. After all, fantasies are safe because they are just in your mind so you can imagine doing a lot of things in your fantasy life that would be too challenging or too confronting to do in real life.
It gave me enormous confidence in Master to know that I could tell him anything and we could discuss whatever it was in a rational and supportive way regardless of whether it was something ordinary or something much more *out there* on the fringe of what most people would consider an acceptable topic of conversation. It made no difference to him what I wanted to talk about or ask his opinion about as Master always made me feel he would respond in the same calm and non-judgmental manner no matter what. He implanted the belief in me early on that I could say anything that came into my head to him and it would be alright, and that confidence has only grown over time. This frank acceptance of me is one of the many reasons why I have so much respect for him.
In reality submissive women have to be very strong minded, as the path they have chosen in life is not an easy one. It's difficult to find someone who is able and willing to control you for a start. And even if you are fortunate to have found such a person, and you respect and wish to serve them, a slave's life is always hard. A submissive woman has to be totally committed to her choice without any support from society and even most of her family and friends will not understand her choice or support her in following her deepest desires. Despite the feminist rhetoric about every woman having the right to choose the kind of life she wishes to live, even most feminists seem to regard submissive women as deluded creatures who just want to be abused, as well as traitors to the cause.
I'd been thinking about this because when Chloe and I were younger we used to consider ourselves feminists (and we still do to some extent). Our circle of friends were all staunch feminists even if there were some disagreements about exactly what this meant. For example, a small minority claimed to be lesbian separatists. I think in some cases this was just a posture designed to make themselves stand out as even more radical than the rest of us, but I know it was true in at least a few cases. Actually I never liked those few people as they claimed all men were bastards and yet they treated their women like dirt -- even worse than the kind of men they openly despised.