Edited by Rosmarina (whose advice and assistance are much appreciated)
Please do not reproduce this story without permission.
== Chapter 2 ==
At the same time as my friend Chloe began to become more closed off to me due to various circumstances, I too was moving away from her in other directions of my own.
Never as creative as she, although I shared similar tastes and interests, I ended up working as an arts bureaucrat at the state government level. My world was all about processing funding grants, drafting arts policies, and attending meetings and conferences. Although we worked in related fields it was difficult to find time to spend time together.
Like Chloe I also had my share of relationship disasters. My first boyfriend was the brother of a schoolmate. I used to see him at her house, and gradually we started going out. Like most boys his age he was totally self-absorbed and knew nothing about how a girl truly wanted to be treated, especially a submissive girl like me. But I was already 18 and thought at that age I had to have a boyfriend. He was the most obvious candidate.
After a while he began to initiate sex. By initiate sex, I mean that he would fumble with my bra or want me to stroke his cock. Eventually we did develop a sexual relationship -- after a fashion. It was not as I'd imagined, but he seemed to like it. Actually, what I discovered was that conventional sex did nothing for me at all. It was not the gentle, erotic sex of my girlish imagination, and it was not exciting or stimulating as I'd always thought sex with a man would be. So I endured it to keep my boyfriend happy, as I suppose many women have done.
Afer we had been together for some time and I had begun to think that he might understand me at least a little, there was an occasion on which I decided to try to get my boyfriend to act as my lovers always did in my dreams. In my imagination my lover would simply *take* me when he wanted me and would demonstrate his power over me by treating me roughly. I don't mean that I wanted someone brutal, but what excited me was having my lover show me that I was totally his, perhaps by slapping me or gently choking me, while he thrust into my quivering body. I imagined my legs to be spread out obscenely and I wanted to feel totally vulnerable to whatever he wanted to do with me. Just thinking about such a scene always made me wet. On this night, with my boyfriend on top of me, silently grinding away, I lay there feeling nothing much at all. I must have been drifting off into my own fantasy world in an attempt to escape the tedious reality of my situation. Rather tentatively, I reached up and stroked his face. He looked down at me, grinning in his boyish way. "Please hit me," I asked.
His reaction was one of absolute shock and revulsion. He froze and looked at me in horror, as if suddenly discovering he was having sex with a monster. I suppose in his mind that's exactly what I was. He pulled out, got off me, and screamed at me that I was *sick*... I was stunned. I felt utterly humiliated; not the arousing humiliation that the dominant lovers of my dreams imposed on me as I both cringed and shuddered in arousal but a deeply-felt pain of judgement and rejection from words and actions intended to hurt me. I began to weep but he just walked off, hurriedly dressing himself as he went, and left me there without another word.
I never saw him again.
That was the beginning and end of my interest in boys my own age. After that I didn't see anyone for quite a while, but after I'd recovered my self esteem a little, I began to go to bars and cafes with some friends. I preferred to be with a group and in an environment where I could remain relatively anonymous. I was not really looking to meet anyone but one night I met Tony.
The only reason I noticed him was that unlike most of the men in those places he didn't try to hit on me. He was actually rather shy. It was I who asked to sit at his table and opened the conversation by making a few comments about the venue. Gradually we began to talk and while he was no great intellectual, Tony had a lot of experience in areas like managing bands and promoting music events which impressed me at the time. He was in his early 40's and although he did not have the look of a tough guy from the way he spoke he seemed to be involved in an underworld milieu, which I found quite fascinating. While we chatted on and off he made no attempt to try and impress me or to pick me up, and it was only when I was leaving that he asked about seeing me again. I gave him my phone number not really expecting him to call.
About a week later he rang and asked me out. I didn't really see him as boyfriend material, but I thought it might be nice to have a more mature man to take me around occasionally and I was interested to see something of his world. It was a world of late night bars and alternative music gigs about which I knew little. The occasional evening (and early morning) spent in his company gradually developed into something more regular, and without even realising what had happened at first we began seeing each other. It was certainly not a conventional relationship, but I think that was part of the attraction for me. Rather than taking me to dinner or out clubbing, Tony brought me along while he conducted his business dealings in various low-life joints. It was never very clear exactly what kind of business was involved. Something not strictly legal, I gathered. Although he tried to act like a gangster, he was not really the mean or brutal type. But he really got off on having a pretty young thing like me hanging off his arm, and in particular he loved it if I wore my school uniform. I was still in school and in those days it was fashionable to wear the skirt as short as possible. No doubt it looked cool among the people he dealt with for a middle aged man to have a hot young schoolgirl hanging on his arm during his devious dealings. I appreciated that he never allowed anyone to bother me in any way, although I got the impression some of his associates were tempted to ask if I was *available* for more than being ogled.
The first time we had sex was almost accidental. I'd had a bit much to drink and was not in any condition to go home. Tony suggested that I rest at his place for a while an he'd drive me home later. I know that sounds like he was just trying to get me into bed, but he was really rather protective towards me and had never tried to push me into anything. In any case I was in no fit state to care as soon after we got to his house I felt violently ill and needed to throw up. My dress ended up a mess, and Tony said I should take it off and he would put it into the wash for me. While he was doing that I literally crawled into his bed just wearing my bra and panties.
It sounds kind of romantic, but I was feeling as sick as a dog. Tony was a real gentlemen and after checking on me he left me alone to sleep. It was already early in the morning and he must have been tired, but he didn't use that as an excuse to crawl in next to me. I awoke an hour or two later feeling a lot better as vomiting must have purged the toxins from my body. I still felt confused and at first I wondered where I was. Just then Tony came in to see how I was and to bring me some water. I really appreciated his thoughtfulness and after telling him that I was feeling better I said "Why don't you lie down for a while. You must be tired." It was his bed, after all.
Soon we were cuddling and kissing. I'd never really done that with Tony before. Since I was wearing only a bra and panties our tentative cuddles soon developed into something more. I must have still been affected by alcohol although I was no longer drunk. "Love me, Tony" I told him even though I was not sure what that meant. He slowly unhooked my bra as we kissed and he moved down to suck on my nipples. Waves of ecstacy flowed through my body and I reached down and took off my panties. I was naked and very excited and I'm sure Tony knew that I wanted him. Especially since I was moaning "Fuck me, fuck me" over and over.
Instead of just fucking me Tony asked if I'd mind being tied up. I'd never done anything like that before but I was intrigued and readily agreed. Since he didn't have any ropes and had to use the cord from his dressing gown, I think it was really just some kind of kinky game he thought might appeal to a young inexperienced girl like me. As a matter of fact it did! I discovered that I loved being tied up during sex. It was a revelation. I didn't even know the word bondage back then, but what amazed me was that for the first time during sex with a man I had an orgasm! From then on I insisted on being bound as part of our sex play. It's the one thing I learned from Tony that has stayed with me ever since.