I heard her heels clack across the floor as she moved around dusting the table in my condo.
"Monsieur your feet." She wasn't even close to being French. In fact I knew more french than she did... but she was doing a excellent job of keeping my condo clean. I reached down and tapped my coffee cup and watched her balance herself on the 4 inch heels she had brought. She came wobbling in with a tea service set and set it down on the table in front of me.
"Two sugars and one cream Maddy." She courtesied and began to fill my cup to the brim with her own blend of tea. I hated it ,but I played along with her. I watched a hint of a smile drift across her face as she flicked a saucer off the tray and watched it land on the floor and shatter.
"Oh Monsieur! Monsieur I am so so very sorry can you ever forgive me. I will do anything to make it up to you." I watched a big smile form across her face. Damn I am gonna have to go to Macy's and buy a new saucer now.
The beginning of something usually starts at the end of something else. My last end began as I watched a girl sail away from me. Damn life was not only stripping me of the woman I prized ,but is doing it as a cliche'. I could have stood on the dock and fluttered a handkerchief like they do in the movies with tears streaming down my cheeks. Instead, I preferred to sit down on a bench eating a brat and watching the boat drift away. There was no "I will always love you" or emotional last words. There was just a honk of the tug pushing its way out of port and the dull white outlining turning gray in the far distance.
I knew the day had been coming since Denise had done her best to let me down easy. The reason she had stuck around the first night was because she hadn't seen anything in me. Well nothing beyond a few nights ,but I had grown on her or so she said. Maybe I had been in love with her. Maybe I never could have been. Could she be ...
Over the next seven months I had tried to put it behind me as I tidied up things in preparation for my impending retirement. I did everything I could not to think. I did what I do best .. keep myself busy. Every fifteen minutes carefully laid out and planned. Every minute devoted to making sure that I wouldn't have a moment to think. Then it was there. I looked at it as I sat in the garage of my condo. A dull white cardboard box that housed 32 years of my life and it was half empty. My diploma, a few small awards, my name plate from my door, a dull overused mug, and a small statue from Mexico. How do I even I identify myself anymore? I couldn't say "hello my name is Michael and I'am a .." because I would have to say "retired" in front of it. Now what? I put my head down on the steering wheel and sat there and thought of her. It was the first time since I last heard her voice. It was like it happened all over again. She was gone and she wasn't coming back.
I moped around for almost another three months. The first month I stopped shaving. The second month I stopped making the bed and by the third month I had taken to wearing pajamas everyday all day. Take off the pajamas get in the shower. Get out of the shower put fresh ones back on. That was my routine and it would have been that way for who knows how long. I felt useless and there was no one to tell me different. There was no Mary to nag me and now no Denise to comfort me. But life seems to always give me a hand up when I am lying face down in the dirt. Most of the time I would just have thought it was a kick in the ribs though. I woke up on the third Monday of the month and checked my bank account like I normally did. I wanted to make sure the payment from employer's pension fund had cleared. I didn't need it,but I did earn it. Confusion and a bit of anger formed on my face as I looked at the computer screen.
"Where is my money?" A few calls to customer service yielded nothing. Even with all the right documents there was nothing I could do. They needed a few measly slips of paper and I needed my cash. I would have to clear it up in person. That would mean going back out into the world. I let out a sigh and trudged to the bathroom.
The bathroom mirror looked foggy as I got out of the shower. I would usually have ignored it as I walked out the door to go back to watch the news or mess around on the computer. Yet it made me happy to see it. I wiped it clean and began to shave myself. I realized quickly that I needed a pair of scissors first to trim off most of the hair. My beard had become a mangle of gray and brown hair. I wasn't ready for the scrap heap ,but I was quite far from the show room. I began to slowly trim the hair from face.
I smiled as I finally felt the smooth skin of my face for the first time in almost two months. I had an appointment at 4:00 and it was only 8:45 as I stood there. So I decided to make a day of it. A nice leisurely breakfast at a small cafe. A in depth look at the paper. I felt happy that day. The day seemed to toss me around like a whirlwind. But like any whirlwind it had finally decided to spit me out. I looked at my former employer's brokerage firm, if you could call it that. It was in one of those mini malls right between a Subway and a Walgreens. I walked in and heard the bell jingle. A not so bright looking young.. boy no older than 20 maybe greeted me.
"Ok according to my last statement I elected the bi-weekly method of payment not the monthly. So I should be getting my deposit and I do not care what the computer said I did not elect a 100% equity investment option. I have the confirmation right here from the Human Resources department dated from December 2008 when I put in for retirement. So I should be getting a monthly deposit of funds as I'am drawing down the investment." He looked extremely confused and nervous as he fidgeted in his seat. I rubbed my fingers under my glasses. Why is it always this hard?
I felt myself getting flustered and about ready to elect a lump sum payment when I felt it. Her hand was smooth. Her scent strong ,but not overpowering.
"Excuse me Adam but your client looks a little agitated.. maybe I could help .... Hello my name is Cheryl Wilcox and I am the branch manager can I be of assistance." You know when women talk about the knight in shining armor riding up on a white horse... I used to laugh my ass off. After dealing with a twenty something idiot who didn't know a balance sheet from a bed sheet for almost a solid two hours, I understood now.
"Uh Ms. Wilcox, I am just trying to understand why I am not receiving a check this month and why somehow I elected to now have a 100% equity share in my pension plan." She quickly pecked around on the computer and asked for a few of my documents with a smile and a quick glance. After about five minutes she flipped the monitor around.
"Well you are right according to this you elected a strait income plan ,but unfortunately our Indian call center in Mumbai reset your allocation, but since this allocation made more money during that period it didn't hurt you... " She began to drone on and on. I watched her as she pushed away from the desk and crossed her arms over her breasts. My brain hadn't picked up a word since she began to talk about three minutes ago as I stared at her breasts..
"Do you mind if I take them out?" Her arms flexed across her breasts.
