emmeline's desires

I leaned back against my car and looked at the house across the street. Tiny white lights twinkled around tree trunks and up branches, in the bushes, and around the edge of the sprawling, unused lawn. A pair of extensive driveways already lined with cars bordered the evergreen grass. Two stories of maroon bricks and eight wide windows, also edged by gleaming bulbs, warmly welcomed the night's visitors.

Their kindly glow wasn't doing anything to lessen the trepidation I felt. The wind was chilly and my dress was short, so I walked across the street and stepping stones despite the weight in the pit of my stomach. Standing in front of the door, I heard the cacophony of jazz melodies and mingling voices beckoning through the mahogany.

The thin veneer of courage I was wearing evaporated. Abruptly twirling around, my auburn curls obscured my vision long enough for me to bump into something. I realize it's another invitee and mourn my plan of an unseen escape. The stranger's large veined hands are holding my arms, steadying me.

"Sorry," I mumble. Finally looking up at him, I find that he is indeed a stranger. That might have lessened my embarrassment if I didn't find him so attractive. Sandy brown locks frame his long face and angular jaw. A curtain of bangs falls over the right side of his face, just past his mossy green eyes. A five o'clock shadow and handsome smile finish off his dashing look.

"Don't fret. Here for Randy?" he asked, releasing my arms from his grip.

"Yes, I can't believe he's already retiring."

"Time flies. Shall we go in?"

"Of course." The weight that seemed to have lifted is back as he opens the door and lets the noise of the party out into the night. There are a few guests deep in conversation, but most of activity is happening in the rooms off the foyer.

Watching as he closes the door behind us, I notice that our outfits look purposely coordinated. My svelte black dress matches his sleek onyx suit. A thin silver tie and platinum cufflinks pair perfectly with my own metallic flats and clutch.

Turning back to me, he holds out his hand. "I'm Carson, by the way."

Shaking his hand, I said, "Emmeline. Nice to meet you, Carson."

Glad to have a distraction from my anxiety, I start some small talk. "Have you known Randy long?"

"Only since he's been dating Perry. I've been friends with Perry since college."

"Oh, I adore Perry. They're great together."

"Yeah, they are." He smiles sweetly. "So, have you been here before? This house is a great place to host. It was nice of their friend to let them use it."

So much for a distraction. "Yeah, Benjamin is very generous."

"You're friends?"

"Well, um. Hmm, we were a couple. I used to live here with him."

"Oh. Didn't end well?" Carson asked, grimacing as though he was afraid he was asking too much.

"I took a job opportunity. It was a year in Japan. Didn't want to do long distance, so yeah. I haven't seen him since I've been back." Why am I telling him all of this?

"So, tonight's the night. No pressure." His smile was reassuring and I want to believe him.

"Emmeline!" I turn around to find a boisterous man in a dark green suit.

"Perry!" We hug and he asked me when I arrived. "Japan didn't make you any more punctual, did it?" he laughs. "Carson, I see you've met our prodigal daughter."

"Yes, she's lovely." I feel myself blush.

Perry put his arm around my shoulder. "She is, but you've hogged her long enough. Randy is dying to see you, dear. Let's go find him."

I have just enough time to wave at Carson before Perry pulled me around the corner. We bump into a few other friends and have a few more mini reunions before we finally find Randy in the study. With Benjamin.

They're standing in front of the fireplace, surrounded by hundreds of books lining the walls. A hundred thousand pages are doing nothing to muffle their boisterous, alcohol raised voices. Randy's usually neatly combed hair is ruffled and streaked with more grey than I remember. He's laughing at something that Benjamin has said when he notices me.

"Oh, my dear! Ben, look who's here!" We both walk toward each other, but I cover more ground than he does in his tipsy state. He hugs me a little too tightly, unsteady. Suddenly, I wonder if he wonder if he wanted to retire at all. When he lets go, there's a smile on his face and tears shining in his eyes. "I'm so glad you're back."

"Me too. I'm glad to be home." I feel tears welling in my own eyes. Many of the books on the walls are mine, but this isn't my home anymore. My home is a hotel, at least until I find a new place. This thought makes it feel impossible to turn to Benjamin, but I don't know what else to do.

I fill my lungs and raise my blue eyes to meet his hazels. His chocolate brown hair is gelled into submission. In a short-sleeved polo and black slacks, he's easily the most casually dressed person here. Only him.

My manufactured smile falters under a flood of angst and desire. I open my mouth and wet my lips, waiting for a sentence I'm not sure will come.

"I'm glad you made it," Benjamin said. His timbre implies strength and determination, but the hitched tone of his breath betrays him.

"Of course," I answered cautiously.

The gap between us is breached by his right hand. I can only watch as his fingers curl around the curve of my waist. Magma warmth is emanating from his palm as it trails around my curves and rests at the small of my back. We both take a step toward each other. Snaking around my torso, he pulls me into a snug embrace. Without thought, my arms coil around his middle and my fingers capture his back.

Deepening his grip, he envelops me in his lanky arms. Inhaling his familiar scent of coffee and musky cologne, I feel like an addict getting a delayed high. The rapid thumping of his heart drums against my cheek, the steady throb rippling through my nerves. I'm home.

Demanding tears are threatening me and I have to let go before they fall. Ignoring the edgy tingle in my skin, I look at him and find him gazing back.

"Want a drink?" Perry asked. Randy has his arm wrapped around his much younger lover, they're both watching us intently. A waiter is next to him, holding a tray of shot glasses filled with clear liquid. I take one and swallow it hastily.

"Thanks." As the waiter walks away, I feel my ex's eyes on me. Turning to him, all I can think to say is, "Did you want one, Benjamin?"

"I thought only your mother called you that," a high, velvety voice quipped from behind me. Recognizing Leana's voice, I can't help but be surprised. She stops between me and Benjamin, the woman who was once engaged to him. Her body is covered in a cherry red dress that fits her like armor. Her black irises look at me with condemnation.

"Old habits," I said.

"Ancient," Leana responded. "When did you get back?"

"Just a few days ago."

"Well, Ben asked me to be is date tonight."

"That's great." I was saved from any further awkwardness when a server arrived to announce that the evening's entertainment was about to begin. I fled from the den, only to collide with a blur of black, white, and silver.

"We have to stop meeting like this, Emmeline," Carson joked.

"I'm sorry. It's your fault really. You keep interrupting my escapes," I joked.

Crumpling his eyebrows, he asked, "Are you okay?"

Before I can answer, the group I had abandoned came around the corner.

"Carson, thanks for coming!" Randy said.

"Of course."

Randy decided it was a good time for introductions. "This is Leana Rodriguez and this is our host for the evening..."

"Benjamin," Carson said with a flicker of understanding. Four sets of eyes looked immediately at me.

"Friends?" Benjamin asked, his voice icy.

Discomfort settled over my body. "We met tonight actually."

Benjamin surveyed Carson before holding out his hand. After they shook, Perry suggested that we continue into the living room. It was filled to the brim with guests. Randy and Perry made their way through and crowd to a loveseat in front of the piano that had been reserved for them. Leana look one of the last empty seats as the rest of them squeezed into a corner.

As the woman at the piano was introducing herself and talking about how she knew Randy, I began to feel engulfed by stress. Having an interesting new man on one side and a beloved ex on the other was just too much. I tapped my toe against the hardwood floor, trying to calm myself down with the rhythm. It must have sounded more like an SOS though, because both of the men started offering succor.

Ben murmured my name at the same moment that Carson rubbed the back of my arm. Every instinct told me to answer Benjamin, but engaging him was sure to lure Leana's attention away from the pianist. Carson's tender fingers continued to massage my skin and slowly my silver flats calmed. I looked at him and mouthed my thanks.

Carson's hand dropped to mine and squeezed. The pressure left my hand in the space of a blink. He had soothed my tremors, but added another weight to my stomach.

Ben cleared his throat pointedly as the pianist began to play. The talented woman charmed the keys as if they were ivory and ebony cobras. The melody was slow, simple, lonely. Allowing the docile chant to lull her, the lyrics seeped from the starved pieces of her heart. When she was done, Randy said that her performance was "haunting and beautiful." I agreed.

Raising my head, I found that Benjamin and Carson were looking at each other and Leana was on her way over. Muttering something about the restroom, I dashed from the room. Finding both the downstairs and upstairs bathrooms occupied, I went to the master bedroom door. Holding my breath, I knocked.

No one answered, but I still hesitated. What if Leana had moved in? I didn't know if I wanted that information right at this moment, but I heard someone coming up the stairs and dashed in. I closed the door and looked around the room slowly. No sign of Leana. Feeling guilty, I tiptoed to the bathroom. Relieved that there were no signs of her there either, I splashed some water on my face and took a few deep breaths. I didn't have a clear thought in my head. Deciding to say a quick goodbye and leave as soon as possible, I walked back into the bedroom.

Benjamin was standing by the bed. My mouth went dry as I tried to explain my presence. "The others were full."

"I see."

My muscles clenched and released throughout my body. A smile fidgeted onto my face and disappeared as I began to walk around him. His arm raised as I passed, blocking my way.

"We need to talk, Emmeline."

Nothing left to swallow, my reply was raspy, "Why?"

"Because I know you miss me."

"I do miss you, but..."

"Don't think I've forgotten the look in your eye when you're craving direction."

"Benji..."

Before I inhaled another breath, my back was against the wall. One set of fingers roamed from my waist to my thigh, flirting with the hem of my dress. His other hand cradled my neck and pulled through my auburn locks.

"I've missed you too, Emmy," he rasped.

Breath hitching at the desire in his voice, a small moan left my mouth. Leaving my neck, his hand travelled to my breast, his thumb tracing a nipple.

"Again," he growled.

"Benji," I said obediently. At the sound of the name, he pinched my covered nipple. Twisting it painfully to draw a gasp.

"Again."

As I whispered the private name, he repeated the twist on my other nipple. Moisture began to pool in my folds as he demanded the name a third time. I complied with a shudder. Bringing the hand from my thigh, his fingers curled over the neckline of my dress and snuck beneath the thin lace of my bra. Two yanks exposed my breasts to him, they were constricted by the straining fabric underneath and heaving from my surprise. My eyes found the wood planked floor. Being exposed before him set my stomach churning even as my panties began to soak. Stepping closer after admiring his handiwork, he lifted my chin until my eyes met his. Desire and need coalesced with long reticent habits, arresting my sounds and movements.

Reluctant to even blink, my eyes began to water. Hand still holding my chin, his brow furrowed and then relaxed. His jaw tightened and his left eyebrow cocked. He pressed our bodies together, placing his palms on either side of her head. Cheek to cheek, he quietly decided, "Mine."

Allowing my eyes to close and my head to lull, a satisfied hum buzzed in my throat. He closed his mouth over the vibration and sucked the soft skin to his tongue. The fabric of my dress protested as he pulled the sleeve of the right shoulder down my arm, the material straining to find its original position.

His lips descended on the uncovered skin, leaving a cold damp patch on my throat. His teeth raked my flesh, quickly reddening the spot on my shoulder. I stoppered my thoughts, willing the sounds and sensations to overcome her.

The circle of skin he was bruising had never been pale when we were together - a reminder of his affection, the promise of his dominance. It had been absent from my flesh long enough for me to stop expecting it at the corner of her vision, to stop missing it when I looked at my reflection, to stop avoiding tops and dresses that might reveal his claim.

Stinging and raised, the patch was already rose red. Unsatisfied, Benji began to bite it in earnest. Grating the now sensitive flesh between his teeth, my whimpers of pain and want drove him on. His gnashing jaw purpled the skin and my shoulder was raw and aching when his bites turned to suckles and licks. Blowing on the skin ceremoniously, he removed his right hand from the wall and rested it on my hips. Gliding his left thumb over the stain hastened my breath. Planting a kiss on my forehead, he whispered, "My Emmy."

"Benji," I said.

Cupping my cheek, he thumbed waves over her cheekbone. Our lips met softly, calm, but full of desire. Our tongues tangled while own hands sought each other's faces, necks, backs, and curves. Swallowing one another, exploring the peaks and troughs we had never stopped seeking, only the knock at the door could have paused our need.

"Is this a bathroom?" a female voice asked from the hallway. The bronze handle turned fruitlessly before high-heeled footsteps retreated.

Benji had taken a backward step, but now he held his hand out to me. Pausing for hardly any time at all, I took it and was pulled into the same hug we had shared downstairs. Only this time, my exposed nipples rubbed against his polo.

"Benjamin," she finally said a few minutes later, knowing he wouldn't release me otherwise. His slackened grip told me that he had recognized the name change. Making a space between them, he gently hooked his index fingers into the fabric under my breasts and slid beneath them, coaxing the lace and charmeuse back into place. Smoothing my neckline, his fingers ghosted over his mark. He kissed it tenderly before replacing my bra strap and sleeve, covering the broken skin. He rubbed the length of my arms, shrinking the goosebumps that had formed and then laced our fingers together. Resting our foreheads against one another, we waited in vain for our charged imaginations to rest.

I ran my fingers through my messed hair as he unlocked the door. Benjamin's head poked into the hallway and returned to nod at me. Widening the opening he let me pass, but couldn't help running his fingers down my spine as I did. I glanced at him, knowing he was thinking the same words I did. But when I walked out, we had left them unsaid.

I stepped toward the stairs, but when I heard the door click into place the jumble of confusion that I had dammed flooded her. The moisture between my thighs was distractingly fresh. My tears leaked down my face, my resolve finally overmatched. Blinking and biting my lip, control came slowly. I slowly descended the stairs, wondering if my eyes were red. I headed for the front door, avoiding eye contact as best I could.