"Mom, I frankly don't care how people see this. I know this is not the kind of thing people my age usually get into, but my brain, my heart, and my gut all tell me it's the right thing for me, the right way to explore my sexuality and find out who I am in that area. With someone kind, understanding, compassionate, and who I trust completely. Not to mention that he's really become a friend, one with whom I can share my opinions and feelings, and have them valued and accepted. And for someone without a lot of friends, that's really valuable to me right now."
Mom nodded. "I get that. And I see why you consider him a good friend after so short a time. He obviously has a lot of regard for you and sees a lot of potential in you. In fact, he may be the only one who fully realizes how great you really are. And for that I'm truly ashamed. I'm afraid your father and I have been too busy chasing our own careers to ever have stepped back and realized just how wonderful our daughter is. You're sharp, independent, self-reliant, and able to responsibly make some adult decisions on your own. All-in-all, just what we would have wished you to be."
I felt like I was going to tear up. "Oh, mom, that's so sweet. You just don't know how I've wanted to hear things like this from you and Dad."
"And I know you haven't heard it enough from us. I want you to know we've hardly ever said so, but I know I speak for your Dad when I say that we've always been proud of you. And Elise, I'm going to try to be a bit more involved. Sandy has urged me to come see you play, and I'm going to find a way to do just that."
"That would mean a lot. I know that after Sandy started coming, I looked forward to him being there to root me on."
Mom sighed. "And I guess that leads me back to him. I still question how he came to suddenly start attending your games, how he knew so instinctively to befriend you after his first game, especially after you had JUST turned 18." She gave another sigh. "Sounds more than a bit of a coincidence. I guess I might never know the whole story of that. But it hardly matters now. What you're doing is legal, if not socially acceptable to a lot of people. But at this point I have to trust that you've thought this out carefully, made this decision with your brain and not your hormones."
"I think I have, Mom. Not that my hormones aren't working just great, but I think my thought process has been very clear and thorough. And you and Dad have been a model of that for me. Neither of you make impulsive decisions; you always think things through. And that has created a stable home life for Brett and me, for which I'm grateful."
"We've always tried our best, dear. And Sandy pointed out that he believed we've always made decisions with the good of our family in mind. And I like to think we always have."
I turned the subject back to our current issue. "About Sandy, Mom. I think I'm hearing that you are not going to try to keep us from seeing one another."
She nodded, a serious look on her face. "Yes, baby. But I have some conditions, and I expect you to meet them."
"I figured you might. What are they?"
Looking directly at me, she started, "Probably nothing you wouldn't expect. First, I expect you to maintain your grades and your extracurriculars."
"No problem at all with that, Mom."
"Next, I know we don't do much together as a family. But if something comes up, I'll expect you to make it a priority, and fully participate in a way that won't cast suspicion on you."
Despite my best efforts, I couldn't help a little guffaw and an eyeroll here. "I promise that if any should come up, I'll give them priority. And by the way, Sandy would probably insist that I do just that. He's very family-oriented."
Nodding, she replied, "I suspect that he might be, at that. Next, I think it would be a prudent thing for you to soft-pedal your association with Sandy out in public."
With what must have been a quizzical look on my face, I responded, "I don't really get that. It's not like we've been out there flaunting it all over town."
"I realize that. But just the few games he's been to, you've apparently been observed leaving the gym with him each time. And at least one person has seen you hugging him a time or two."
"Sure," I replied. "But we weren't exactly all over one another. And I did have my cover story about him being an uncle I hadn't seen in a while, which I'm sure you're aware of."
"Yes, I was made aware of that. And I did my best not to let it spill that I didn't know of any Uncle Sandy, although Gilda could probably see the surprise on my face. So I don't know what she might have made of that. And I don't really care. She has nothing definite to go on, anyway."
She continued: "Look dear, all I'm saying is that it wouldn't be in your best interest to have anyone else become aware of Sandy and your... um, arrangement. Especially your father or your brother. Although this town is growing, Blanksville is still an awfully small place, and we know a lot of folks in town. Your brother went to school with a lot of them, and there are lots of ways these, shall we say, unusual goings-on could get back to him. I shudder to think of either your father's or brother's reaction, should these things become known to them."
I felt a jolt of anger course through me at that. "Mom, frankly, I don't give a damn about their reactions. For all I care, they can stuff them where the sun doesn't shine."
"Now Elise, that's not a very considerate thing to say about your father and brother."
"You know what, Mom? I don't really care. All these years, those two couldn't even give me the time of day most of the time. To them, I've just been an afterthought. Honestly, I often feel like the daughter and sister that neither one of them wanted to have, anyway. If they couldn't care less about me all this time, why should I go out of my way to care about their feelings now?"
Mom had a stricken look on her face. She reached out and put her arms around me, pulling me in by the shoulders for a hug. She spoke softly. "Oh baby, please don't feel that way. If you could have seen your dad's face on the day you were born, you'd never say that. He was so proud, so happy. It's no reflection on you that he chose to spend most of his life somewhere else. And you're not the only one who has been hurt by that decision."
That brought me up short. I leaned back and looked at her. "I never really thought about it, Mom. It must have been tough on you, too."
Eyes glistening, she took a moment to compose herself. Mom had always seemed to be so strong, impregnable, like a rock to me; it was very weird to see her battling tears. "You have no idea, baby. I was forced to look out for myself day to day, and in turn you kids were forced to do the same. It has caused a lot of strains in this family, believe me. It is certainly not the life I would have wished for us."
I realized that there was probably another major discussion there somewhere, one long overdue. But I figured this was not the time. And neither did Mom, as she continued, "Anyway, just because you didn't feel loved by your father or brother doesn't mean that both of them don't have a strong protective instinct toward you. Frankly, if either of them felt there was a threat toward you, I wouldn't put it past them to resort to anything to meet that threat."
Again my anger flared. "Even if the threat was only in their minds?" Mom nodded sadly. I continued rapidly, in the most adamant voice I could muster. "Well, there IS no threat. Sandy presents none at all. I trust him as much as I do anyone in the world right now. He has never given me one moment to think I was at any risk at all. Has always taken the utmost care of me and my needs. I always come first with him."
Catching my breath, I plowed on. "And if either of them think they're going to ride in on some white horse to save me, they better think twice, because any silly attempt at something macho like that will be met with the most resistance I can manage." I paused, then added, "And you can tell them that to their faces if the subject ever comes up."
Mom was silent for a moment. Then softly, she said, "Well, you obviously think the world of this man."
"I do, Mom. And why shouldn't I? He is a very special person, kind, thoughtful, gentle, considerate. In just a short time, he's become my best friend, really my only friend out there. I relate to him like no other person I know. He is the first person to ever help me realize that I have a lot going for me, that I shouldn't ever sell myself short. I feel like I've gained more wisdom from him in two weeks than I have from any other adult my entire life, maybe except for you. He's just what I've needed. And I'm not going to let any testosterone-laden bullshit ruin the friendship I have with him."
She regarded me tenderly. "OK, dear, I get it. And if I ever have the chance, I'll certainly discourage any actions on their part that we all might regret later. But, that brings me to my last condition."
"And what's that?"
"You have to promise me that if you ever feel any threat or danger at all -- even if it's just your intuition telling you something -- that you'll come to me with it and allow me to face it together with you."
"I can promise that, Mom. You'll be the first to know. Although with Sandy, I'm confident there'll never be anything for either of us to worry about."
