"Elise," Chapter 9 (F solo mast teen)
Elise
I drove home and ate some leftovers for dinner, replenishing my energy, then said good night, going upstairs to my room and doing a little reading in my current book to try to reset myself mentally as well. A lot of people space out with TV or online videos; I guess I'm old-fashioned in that the written word does that a lot better for me.
After a while, I laid out on my bed and began to think. I always do my best thinking there, sprawled comfortably on my back. I have this mental image of the bed being like a companion who gives me physical support, maybe like when a teammate spots me in the weight room, so I can focus completely on what I want to do with no other worries. In this case, it was to think seriously about the last few days and about my conversations with Sandy, and try to figure out what, if anything, I wanted with him now.
I already knew that if I decided to explore this "sex play," as Sandy called it, with him, I'd want to make a decision soon. I'd never been one to procrastinate on anything, not even an important decision that could have a major impact on me. I believed in sifting through the process without delay, making the decision, and going full-tilt forward with it, with no looking back or regrets, knowing I had done my very best with the decision.
Lying there relaxed, I considered what I knew and what I wasn't yet sure of. I knew I was ready to have sex with the right person; that is, there was no reason to delay any longer if everything felt right. I was 18, legal for any adult. I was as prepared as I'd ever be. I was knowledgeable about everything relevant, believed I was grown-up enough to make the right decisions, and knew I was protected enough from unwanted consequences.
So did I have any reservations about being naked with a man, to showing all of myself to him in the most intimate ways? I had no experience with that of course, but I certainly had no problem being naked with girls my age, coming up through school. I'd been involved in athletics since middle school, and I was never uncomfortable being undressed and doing things I did in front of other girls in locker rooms. I was completely comfortable with my body, and I couldn't remember ever having felt otherwise.
Try as I might to think of one, I couldn't think of a way I'd be embarrassed to be naked in front of a man of any age, and particularly one I'd trust not to judge, ridicule, or disparage my body. I certainly didn't think there was a chance Sandy would ever do something like that. From the signals I was picking up, he liked my body just fine. I'd noticed him taking some extended looks at me, more appraising me rather than leering. Just checking me out as I'd expect any normal, healthy man to do when it came to a normal, healthy, athletic 18-year-old woman with whom he'd spent some time.
I also knew I trusted Sandy as a person. He just seemed so honest and real. I'd always read and heard that men will try to push you into something in order to get what they wanted. I just didn't think that Sandy was doing that with me. While I was reasonably sure he did want me to try out being his sub, I was equally sure that he wasn't exerting any pressure on me at all. At least, I didn't feel any, and I know pressure pretty well, having put enough of it on myself the last few years. And he was just so doggone easy to talk to. I knew that even if I decided not to be his sex partner, I'd still want him as a valuable friend and confidant. I hoped he felt the same about me.
Now for what I wasn't sure about. I didn't know how it would feel, mentally or emotionally, to actually have sex with a much older man like Sandy. A lot of people thought that sex partners with such a large age difference were somehow weird, that the whole idea of it was perverse. And I could understand that if two people that far apart in age were really serious about having a life together. After all, the younger partner might still be quite young when something happened to the older one, either death, disability, or whatever. That something like that was almost certain to happen somehow didn't feel completely right to me.
But we weren't talking about marriage or even necessarily a long-term relationship. We were just talking about having fun with one another, being friends with benefits for a while, finding out if we were sexually compatible, in this case as Dom and sub, taking it one meet at a time, with no obligation to continue with it if it didn't feel right for either of us. If I did enter into such an arrangement, it would naturally be on the condition that I could back out without a problem, no hard feelings if it ever didn't feel right to me. I knew enough about Sandy's personality to be quite sure this would not be a problem with him at all. And this would be a private thing, just between us two: it was perfectly legal and consensual, no one else needed to know, and no one would be judging us, or for that matter would even have the right to do so.
And my final uncertainty, a big one, was whether I'd enjoy being a sub, to be completely controlled by a dominant but benevolent man like Sandy. I had no experience with which to be able to tell this, either. All I could do was imagine, the best I could based on what I knew, what it would be like, and project myself into the role. I knew I couldn't ever be completely certain of the answer unless I actually took the leap and actually tried it.