Sally had shown up for her session early again, so like always, Mildred instructed her to wait in her therapist's bureau.
Dr. Allen finished "washing up" in the restroom. Making his way back down the hall to his office, he contemplated his next appointment with anticipation. He was surprised to walk in and find his patient in tears.
Admittedly though, the mature psychiatrist was not exactly shocked to see his patient crying. She had been doing a lot of that lately during their emotion-filled sessions. The two greeted each other and exchanged pleasantries, then quickly got down to business.
Dr. Allen learned that Sally's guy split on her. Through sobs, she recounted the events that had transpired earlier that week. Sally had gone to see Damian in the alley as usual. She was a little surprised to not find him there, but didn't panic. A few times before, if she didn't spot him right away, she would just wait, and within minutes, he'd show up. But this time, she waited for over two hours, and her guy was nowhere to be found.
"Dr. Allen, I didn't tell you something at our last therapy session, but lately Damian has been saying it's a bad idea for him and me to be together. He said it was because he was too old for me, too poor, too drunk, too dangerous, too everything... But I didn't take him seriously, because I knew deep down, he loved me. But Doctor, it turns out he really didn't want me anymore, didn't want me to suck his cock anymore. He finally got tired of me."
Dr. Allen said nothing but just listened, careful not to interrupt Sally's train of thought.
She went on, "He didn't even take all his things with him. They were still there in the alley when I showed up... so I took some stuff myself, like his clothes and personal belongings. I can't let go of him, Doctor."
After letting Sally get everything off her chest, Dr. Allen tried to put a positive spin on things, ever insistent on finding a silver lining to every gray cloud. He reminded her, "God makes things happen for a reason, Sally." Although what he really meant to say was, "Now that Damian was out of her life, she would be free to meet someone worthy of her love, more outwardly suitable for her."
Whatever came out of Dr. Allen's mouth fell on deaf ears, because Sally was still sniffling profusely, apparently inconsolable at that moment. Since he saw his words weren't comforting her in the least, he just handed her a box of Kleenex.
After she blew her nose a few times, Sally decided to break the news to her therapist, "Doctor, I won't be coming to you anymore after today."
"Why not, Sally?" Dr. Allen tried his best to hide his disappointment.
"Well, there's no reason to anymore, now that Damian's gone. Don't you remember that was the reason I had to see you in the first place? Abby threatened to call the cops on him if I didn't get therapy..."
Dr. Allen paused for a few seconds, taking the time to choose his next few words carefully.
"But Sally, I think Abby had just cause to insist you get help. She was, she IS, very worried about you. She feels... Well, she and I both feel you need help. How healthy do you think it was for a nice young girl like yourself to be venturing out in the middle of the night to see an alcoholic twice your age in a cold filthy alley? I really want you to think about it, Sally."
"Doctor, I have to tell you something. Maybe you're going think it's unhealthy and abnormal, but you need to know this about me. I can't get excited at the thought of being with a normal boy anymore. I can only get wet at the thought of fucking a poor, uneducated fellow in a filthy, dingy place. Mind you, I wasn't always like this, but through the years, it's what I've become, and it's how I am now. Please accept it; I do."
[Unbeknownst to Sally, her guy had actually been implicated in a robbery, which occurred a while back in the jewelry district. The police arrested Damian. Apparently, someone had tipped them off, saying that Damian had robbed a vendor of some jewelry. After much effort, the cops finally convinced the vendor to go down to the station to identify the thief in a line up].
*****
Weeks passed. To Sally, everything was a big blur. She became an insomniac, a zombie at work and at home. More or less, she just went through the motions of life, but quietly, bit by bit, she was checking out.
At work, Abby tried to steer Sally back to the land of the living. Ever the mother figure, Abby reminded the young girl that, according to her own beliefs, "God has a plan for everyone." But Sally could only think of Damian. He was all that ever mattered in her life, and now that he was gone, she felt like wallowing in misery and loneliness.
Frequently during the work day, or on the bus, Sally looked out the window, as if searching the heavens for an answer to her meaningless life. She would have a vacant look on her face, terminally lost in her own little world.
One night, for the life of her, Sally couldn't fall asleep, so she reluctantly picked up an old novel from the modest bookshelf nestled in the corner of her little bedroom. It was Madame Bovary, one of her favorite books growing up. Although the story's theme was a bit beyond her teenage sensitivities at the time, through the years Sally found herself more and more able to relate to it. She saw similarities between herself and Emma Bovary. They had both suffered from delusions of grandeur, wanting things that would only destroy them. Fortunately, however, Sally was now wise enough to recognize the pitfalls of wanting something beyond her reach. She looked out her window and up at the night sky. Sally slowly recalled her childhood.
*****
Sally had grown up in an upper middle class family in the suburbs, the third of five children. There were her older brother, sister, Sally, and two little twin sisters. That put Sally smack in the middle. Not surprisingly, she grew up with a classic case of the middle child syndrome.
Her parents had a stable marriage, father being the bread winner, and mother the stay at home mom. Sally's older sister, just a grade ahead of her in school, constantly overshadowed her. Nathalie was smart, charming, pretty, popular, and most importantly, her mother's favorite.
Not surprisingly, Sally grew up with an inferiority complex. She felt like an unwanted child. After all, her parents had already been blessed with a complete family, a boy and girl, before Sally came along. Trying for another son, they got her, after which they tried again, and got twin girls. The baby girls, though not fulfilling the parents' wish for another boy, were at least special for being twins. And at least they had each other. Sally, however, was all alone.
Like many young girls, Sally grew up with fairy tales and TV shows featuring pretty maidens and their charming suitors. Regardless of economic status, these young maidens were invariably treated like princesses. Their would-be beaus surprised them with lavish picnics, candlelight dinners, and balcony seats to special events like the ballet. Showered with flowers, candy, and perfume, the females were very early on proposed marriage by bewildered, smitten young men who fell head over heels with their ethereal beauty and innocence. These girls were of course virgins, put on pedestals by their admirers. And if the girl was too nervous on the night of her deflowering, her would-be prince understood, content just to marry her and be graced by her presence.
In her formative years, Sally was educated in private schools, took piano lessons, and studied foreign languages. She was apparently in training to become a cultured young lady. Sally's mother had captured her father's heart through her inherent beauty and charm. It was expected that Sally, along with her sisters, would do the same. But Sally didn't quite measure up, never developing the womanly curves her mother and sisters had been blessed with. At twenty-one, she still had the body of a twelve year old girl. At that age, when most young women already had a few romantic experiences under their belt, Sally had been left high and dry.
In her quiet little bedroom, because she had been reading the book lying down in bed, it wasn't long before Sally drifted off to sleep...
*****
