i was suddenly struck with the gravity of the situation. What was He going to ask me? i felt very small kneeling on the lawn. i didn't trust my voice. i could feel tears beginning to well up in my eyes.
i clasped my hands together behind my back to stop them shaking. i felt unsteady on my knees facing T/them. There wasn't a smile between T/them. Andrew, Paul and kate just looked at me. What had i done!
"dominique... the question I wanted to ask you was..." His eyes bored into me.
"How do you feel right now?"
i felt... ill.
"i feel terrible Sir... i know i have disappointed You..." i couldn't look at Him. i was too afraid to see the look on His face. A single tear began its lonely trek down my cheek.
"you have broken a number of rules. your behaviour has been disgraceful. Unacceptable. I am more than disappointed dominique... I am disgusted..."
my shoulders were trembling. i felt more tears as they dripped down my nose. i watched as one plummeted to the grass below.
"Do you know what you have done?" His voice was soft, scary.
i looked up at Him. He was all blurry through the tears i was trying not to shed.
i nodded.
"Tell Me now. Make your confession."
Oh god. i cleared my throat.
"Yes Sir."
i needed a moment to collect my thoughts. i straightened myself and knelt up tall. Proudly. Back straight. Shoulders back. Head slightly inclined. my body felt tight as a drum. i closed my eyes to blink away my tears. i decided against wiping them away. i took a deep breath. i exhaled slowly and opened my eyes.
A moment. i just needed a moment...
______________________
Watching dominique on her knees stifling tears was difficult to bear. The trial of confessing before O/others would certainly test her.
I recalled one of My favourite sayings... "Within reason, the end justifies the means."
If dominique was ever going to break out of her vanilla ways of thinking, it was going to be today. And it wasn't going to be easy.
On the one hand, I was quite pleased with her. she had come a long way. I have enjoyed her presence and praised her efforts on many occasions. In private.
On the other hand, I knew she had so much more she could give. her commitment occasionally seemed to waver. When O/others are present, she could become volatile. she needed to re-focus. And she needed to find peace...
But I could also afford to give her some dignity. I reached into My pocket for My handkerchief. Then I remembered the egg was wrapped in it. I smiled to Myself and unwrapped it. Perfect.
I held the small cloth out for dominique to take.
_________________________
Before me was ...... a handkerchief. Andrew had offered it to me. i took the offering gratefully in both hands. Andrew stood back again.
"Thank You Master... thank You..." my voice trailed off as i brought the small soft cloth to my face to wipe it. The scent of my juices wafted up from the handkerchief. i blushed. i looked up to my Master and smiled hopefully.
He nodded.
i closed my eyes and wiped it all over my face. i was smiling a little wider but i don't think the O/others saw. i knelt up straight again, balling the cloth in my palm and holding it tightly. Neither Paul nor kate reacted. i realised Andrew was having a private moment with me. It made me wet.
"...Master, this girl has been guilty of a multitude of sins." i took another deep breath. I flicked my eyes across at Paul, then at kate, from under my lashes. This is NOT how i envisioned my confession!
"Go on pet..."
Paul was expressionless. kate seemed to be smirking. i think she was enjoying herself too much. But no-one was looking at her. i chastised myself and concentrated on my Master.
"Yes Sir... i um... Your stupid slut allowed mischievous thoughts to become feelings Sir, she um... she found her fantasies involving Paul occupying her idle time. she was looking forward to seeing Paul more than she should have been Sir." kate looked daggers at me.
"Continue dominique..."
"Um... yes Sir... she um... she also was willful and did not do as instructed with kate Sir. You gave her strict instructions regarding T/those to whom she is to submit, Sir. You made it plain kate was O/one. This girl disregarded those instructions and was rude and willful. she is very sorry for that Master, she really can't explain why one emotion over-rode another."
i smiled sorrowfully at kate and she stuck her tongue out at me. i furrowed my eyebrows at her.
i looked back up at my Master.
"Explain what you mean dominique..."
"Sir, this girl feels that jealousy clouded her judgment. she feels that jealousy of kate taking Paul from her made her lash out Sir..."
"I see..." Andrew nodded.
"There is another thing Sir... this girl has also neglected her collar Sir. she is very sorry for not asking about it. she does love it so. If she knew she could wear it whenever she wanted, she would not have taken it off ever Sir!"
Andrew scratched His chin.
"This girl is guilty of not paying proper attention Sir."
Andrew nodded again. Was He smiling a little? i hoped so.
"Is there anything else dominique, anything deeper...."
"Um," i looked from face to face, then looked down again. "Yes Sir..." i whispered.
"Go ahead dominique..."
"This girl feels like she has been assuming things Sir. Assuming what is important. Assuming what You will want to know or need to know. she has been filtering Sir. Filtering things... thoughts, feelings... filtering them and giving You the ones she knows You prefer, the ones that would please You."
i looked up at my Master. He had a strange look on His face.
"Have you been questioning whether you are here for the right reasons pet?"
"Um... no Sir."
"Are you bored?"
"Oh gosh no Sir!"
"Then do you filter things in order to keep Me happy?"
"Making You happy is always this girl's intention," i said.
"Not much of a happiness when it is based on half truths and omissions is it dominique?"
i looked down at my hands. i fingered the handkerchief.
"Sir... This girl doesn't know what else to say... she is so sorry Sir... she has just been... stupid... and thoughtless and displeasing... and she knows she has been. Please Sir... she'll do anything... accept anything... please let her prove herself Sir... she knows she should be punished... please punish her Sir... please just punish her... "
i felt cold and alone. The silence was punctured only by my laboured breathing.
In... out... In... out....
Finally my Master spoke.
"you are going to be taught a lesson."
i fell at His feet, kissing His shoes. i had never done that before.
"Thank You Sir," i whispered. "Thank You... thank You..."
Joy and relief seemed to merge.
i can do this.
i will do this.
"Until I say so you will accept anything... anything done to you and anything I tell you to do... you must also understand you may not use your safe words dominique... alright?"
i shuddered and looked up. The look on my Master's face was one i would never forget. He had plans for me that's for sure. His green eyes were narrowed. Unsmiling... intimidating. So intense. i loved how He looked at me. i nodded. He held His hand down to me and helped me back up to my knees.
"you will trust Me to make decisions regarding your limits dominique. you will accept My will. you will find freedom in letting go. I am going to do anything I want with you."
i dropped my gaze to the ground and nodded again. i took another deep breath and looked up into Andrew's piercing green eyes.
"May this girl please speak Master?" i asked softly.
"you may dominique..."
"Thank You Sir..."
i knelt up straight again before continuing.
" ...this girl feels very humbled You care enough for her to ensure she learns to be the submissive You desire her to be.
"she wishes nothing more than to please You with all her heart, her mind and her body Sir.
"she knows she has discredited You by her behaviour.
"she is sorry beyond words...
"But she is determined to make You proud Sir."
________
I listened to dominique's thoughtful words and My anger softened into firm resolve. I was touched by her simple honesty. I wanted to take her into My arms and tell her everything was alright. But she had to learn I would not be defied. I set My jaw and looked down on her.
"Go up to your room and strip. Get your collar. Do not put it on, you don't deserve it. Then go down to My study and kneel in the middle of the room facing away from the door. I don't want your face to be the first thing I see when I walk through that door. Place your collar on the floor behind you. I want it out of your sight. W/we will be there soon. Now GO!" I threw the key to the study to the ground in front of her.
she picked it up and scrambled to her feet. she had her eyes on the key in her hands. I watched a single tear trickling down her cheek as she excused herself and silently hurried past U/us up to the house.
"I don't know what has come over the stupid little slut..." I sighed, shaking My head.
"they all have their setbacks Andrew," Paul offered kindly.
"Yes, yes... I know You're right."
"What do You propose My Friend?" Paul asked.
"Well, I'd like Y/you both to stay. I am going to need Y/our help for what I have in mind."
Paul thought it over.
"Well I'm sure kate won't mind a change in plans. As You know, I was uncomfortable with her exploring her Dominant streak in the way We chose, so I am actually glad in one sense, to be honest."
He was right of course. I just thought it'd be fun. From what Paul had told Me, kate had been keeping Him on His toes. dominique was also due to have a limit or two explored. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
"In the circumstances, I tend to agree with You Paul." He nodded and looked at kate. So did I.
"What about you kate? Anything to add to this conversation?" I asked.
"i would be pleased to play any part You would like me to play Sir," she replied eagerly.
"Alright. I'll explain how I want this to go, and then W/we'll go up. No rush... let dominique sweat for a bit."
"Sounds like a plan My Friend," Paul winked.
"Margueritas all round then please kate!"
"my pleasure Sir!"
______________________
Oh my god oh my god oh my god. i think i am going to be sick. i can't believe i did that to kate. i pulled my clothes off and stood naked looking into my mirror. The little mascara i applied had run and i looked like a sad clown. i held my hand up horizontally in front of my eyes to see if i was shaking. my fingers shook like leaves in the breeze.
i ran into the bathroom and washed my face.
"Have you been questioning whether you are here for the right reasons pet?"
His words echoed in my brain, haunting me.
When Andrew said that, i hesitated. And i think i know why.
Sometimes i feel like i am two women.
One of these women completely accepts and relishes her submission. she delights in bringing pleasure to the One she is with. she has never felt as happy and as content as she does when she submits. Everything makes sense to her. she accepts the fact that very few people are like her. she is sexually secure and satisfied. Balanced.
Then there is the other woman inside. she is hurt. Hurt by her rejection of the norms of the society in which she was raised. she wonders why the Man she loves doesn't treat her like a princess. she thinks she should be worshipped and spoilt. she is still in here. she is my vanilla conscience.
i dried my face with the bath towel.
What she doesn't or can't understand is that in her own way, she *is* being worshipped. And spoilt. she had never been listened to as intently as Andrew listened to her. her desires and her fears had never been given as much attention as Andrew gave them. she had never been treated as respectfully as Andrew treated her.
i ran a comb through my hair and ran out of the bathroom and over to the window. i breathed a sigh of relief when i saw kate pouring fresh drinks for T/them.
Still, i wanted to be ready.
i walked quickly over to the bedside table and retrieved my collar.