Stephanie bounded up the trail and her husband, Ian, followed. Followed with joy, as the all-weather mountaineering pants that Stephanie wore managed to hug the heart-shape of her bottom and hips so tightly, that Ian could see the outline of the cotton tanga panties his wife wore underneath.
I wonder what color those panties are, Ian pondered, having not seen his wife dress that morning.
"Quiet on the trail this morning," Ian remarked to his wife. "I don't think we've passed one other person since we started."
"Yep, and I'm still going to beat you to the top," Stephanie called back, without stopping.
"Cheeky," Ian said out loud, not stopping, either.
They rounded a bend and surmounted another hillock on their endless ascent, and then, down a sharp and precipitous drop, a broad and brutally open glen stretched out below them and away for miles and leagues; vast and raw.
"God that's so amazing," Stephanie said. "I never get over how wide open it looks. Like it's wide enough to hold fifty Londons."
But as his wife was feasting her eyes on the view to the rocky, mountainous horizon, Ian was feasting his eyes on his wife's broad bottom. He could not get over how good she looked this morning!
"True, but can it hold this," Ian said, grabbing his wife's bottom through her pants and holding on.
Stephanie let out a shriek of surprise and pulled away at the shock, and then let out a giggle of joy.
"Sneaky!" she said. "Hey, before we go, can I get some water?"
"Sure thing," Ian said. They had met mountaineering years ago and through their many bounding adventures, had developed a simple division of labor: Ian brought the water reserves (as well as any alcoholic refreshments); Stephanie brought lunch and snacks.
Ian produced a bottle from his pack. Stephanie posed with her head back and her lips parted; she let her husband squeeze the soft plastic of the bottle, pouring a mouthful of water directly into his wife's mouth. He stopped with practiced timing and she swallowed. "Thanks, honey," Stephanie said.
"You're welcome," Ian said, then took a drink of water himself.
"Let's picnic lunch at the summit," Stephanie said. "I'm getting hungry, but I think I can wait until we're at the top."
"Oh, I'm hungry for something," Ian said, leering at his wife.
Stephanie smiled. "Down boy," she said, and resumed leading the way up the mountain.
It was another thirty minutes until they reached the summit. The air getting colder, but fresher and purer, the entire way.
"God, I love this Scottish air," Stephanie said, who was born in America and met Ian, a born Scot, in Edinburgh when he was beginning his doctorate studies and she was an American college student, studying abroad in Scotland.
Ian filled his lungs with his native air and looked with pride at his foreign bride. The endorphins from having summited this peak, the arousal from spending the morning watching his wife's posterior moving just out of reach—he felt a kinship with all those who had climbed these hills for millennia before him, felt the joy they took in fine-bottomed foreign brides brought back to these impregnable Highlands . . .
"Ahem," said Stephanie, trying to get Ian's attention from his patriotic reverie.
"Yes?" Ian asked.
"Ready, Ian the Bruce?" Stephanie asked her husband, using one of her ancient pet names for him. "Shall we toast?"
"Ah, yes," Ian said, and produced the small bottle of Drambuie and two shot glasses. She held the glasses while he poured, and once poured, they clinked their glasses, looking into each other's eyes the entire time, and drank the draught off quick.
"Mmmmmmmm," Stephanie said, enjoying the mix of honey and fire.
"Congratulations, m'wee wife," Ian said. "Another pinnacle you've surmounted," he said to her, smiling and leering, teasing her with one of his ancient, joking double-entendres for her mountaineering accomplishments.
Stephanie curtsied, but Ian interjected—"oh, fine, but do it facing the other direction," meaning for her to curtsy facing away so her could see her bottom—but Stephanie just smiled and laughed back.
"I think someone's hungry," Stephanie said.
"Oh, aye," her husband agreed.
"Someone is just too much," Stephanie said. "Here, let's have lunch then we can get back to the inn and you can . . . have your way with me," she said in her simple, sweet way.
"But we're alonesome now, me bonny," Ian said.
"It's cold," Stephanie said. "And c'mon. I'm starving." She dug in her backpack, pulled out a loaf of bread, but, with an increasingly quizzical look on her face, kept foraging around in her bag.
Ian took the bread from her as she kept digging. She stopped talking and Ian watched her, waiting for her to pull out the meat and cheese that, along with the bread, made their simple, mountaineers' lunch.
"Oh, bugger," Stephanie cursed.
"What's the matter?"
"I think I left the rest of our lunch in the refrigerator at the inn."
"You think?"
"Well, it's not here . . . so . . . mostly likely back at the inn," she said, re-shouldering her pack.
"Oh, so that's fine. It's only ten miles that away," Ian said, pointing. "Let me call an Uber Eats and they'll door dash it right over." He pretended to take out a cell phone. "Look at that? Zero bars, no service? Well, shit."
"You're not helping," Stephanie said. "I'm already starving and you're not helping."