Diary of a Masochist

**~Ripley has nad no part in the creation of this story series. She does not, and will not participate in the types of activities described in this story**

part one: i think it's time to break down these walls

(i woke up at 5 am this morning, panting, sweating, but incredibly cold. Immediately i felt the other side of the bed, hoping She was there...but as always, the dream was over and She was gone again. my hand then moved to my chest, feeling that the skin was intact. It felt so real...)

i lay on my back, trembling, waiting for that delicious rush of pain to wash over me, for that familar feel of cold metal on tender skin. She pressed inward, the metal breaking through the boundary of skin, my hand tightened on Hers, it continued lower to the middle of my stomach. The blood pooled and before it dropped, She dipped Her head down, her tongue ran up the length of the incision, tasting my life's blood, not allowing a drop to fall to the white sheets. Next She cut across from one nipple to the other, Her eyes glistening and following the bright red trail of blood contrasting so greatly on my pale white skin. Again, She followed the incision with her tongue, not letting a drop go to waste.

She looked up at me, Her lips bright red with my blood and whispered, "you've been crucified, little one..."

my eyes shone brightly into Hers, my soul fully exposed, i could only whisper "How does it look, Mistress?"

She leaned down, Her lips mere centimeters from my own and whispered, "you look beautiful, baby." Then She kissed me and i could taste the sick metallic taste of blood on Her lips.

(Then i woke up...)

part two: if i should falter

The taste of blood lingered on my lips and tongue for days afterward. i could still feel Her lips on my skin, could still feel the blood seeping from my skin. It's become an addiction...the pain...the blood...the taste. It's all so intoxicating, i don't know how i ever survived without it...without Her.

She'd wanted to let the crucifixion heal first, but i begged and pleaded for more. When tears came to my eyes, She kissed them away and reached for the scalpel. With tears still in my eyes i looked to the blade, that hunger in my stomach returned as i watched the light dance off the shiny metal blade. "Please..now..." were the only words i could force out, even then, my voice cracked and trembled.

She touched the tip of the blade to my stomach, looking into my eyes as She used a slight bit of pressure, increasing in an excruciatingly slow manner until it finally broke through. The blood, free of its confines of skin and capillaries spilled forth on to the pale white skin of my stomach and onto Her fingers. Instinctively my hand went to the back of Her head, as she caught a renegade drop of blood from the back of her hand. Her hair fell in loose curls around Her face, framing it beautifully as she continued Her delicate work. Slowly, She traced letters across my stomach, each about two inches high. With the completion of each letter, She'd taste the blood, to see if it had changed in the few seconds it took to carve a letter.

When Her work was done, She looked up at me, blood smeared on Her cheek and said "Look, Mine..." and then stepped back so that i could see myself in the full length mirror on the opposite wall.

My breath escaped me when i finally saw what She'd so carefully carved into my snow white skin. Blood oozed from letters spelling "beautiful" and crept downward over my hips and thighs. My fingertips drifted down to the blood, catching it before spilled from my body. As if in a trance, i looked into the mirror and tasted my own blood on my fingers while She watched me. Never before had i felt so utterly and completely free...

part three: the sweetest pleasure is pain

Candles lit up the room, casting eerie shadows against the walls. i couldn't see a thing, only hear Her footsteps...Her heartbeat. (Or was it my own?) With grace and deliberation She moved through the room, stopping to touch the top of my head or to caress my skin with Her delicate fingertips every few minutes. After what seemed like days She knelt beside me...Her body mere inches from mine. There was a buzz in the air that increased with each beat of O/our hearts.

Her eyes shone into mine, relfecting the candle light. She leaned close to me, Her arms enveloping me completely...soft lips touching my skin.. Soft moans echoed through the room. This is heaven... Suddenly i feel Her teeth on my skin...softly scraping, slowly penetrating until She tasted iron. Her teeth made a home in my skin, created that final mark on my neck...made me Hers. i felt a tingle emanating from that spot, crashing throughout my whole body.

Time and space stood still while She held me. Tears flowed freely down my cheeks, dropping off my chin, slowly onto Her shoulder. She bit down again in the same spot, blood escaped from Her lips and cascaded down Her chin, creating morbid patterns against my skin.

As suddenly as it began, She stopped...She looked at me again, something in Her eyes sent chills down my spine...something i'd never seen before. Something electric. She asked, Her voice a soft whisper, "Who do you belong to, little one?" Upon completion of that simple question, Her tongue caught a deviant drop of blood from Her lips...Her eyes closed, savoring the sick metal taste as if She'd never taste it again.

my eyes conveyed everything i couldn't find words for...but it wasn't enough. i couldn't speak...the moment was too great. She smiled, urging me to speak, to answer Her. Slowly i touched the bite on my neck, coating my fingertip with blood...i pressed it to Her chest, slowly writing the word "YOU" on Her flawless skin. As i finished the final letter, a tear dropped from Her chin and smeared the letters. Her fingers instinctively moved to my collar, caressing the soft leather. i looked into Her electric eyes, my whole body practically glowing.

She traced my lips with Her thumb and whispered, "you are Mine...and I am yours." Softly She kissed my cheek...then, in a moment of silence a warm breeze came through and blew out all the candles and the room went dark.

(And i was alone again...)