Deep Breath!
When she first mentioned it, I was not sure what I felt. Certainly I was uncertain, but I was also a little afraid of the risks yet excited by the power exchange it implied and she was offering.
She told me quite matter of factly that one day in a car with her previous Master he had complimented her on her beautiful neck and then asked her if he could try something. When she agreed he reached across, fingers spread, and started to close her windpipe........WHOOOOSH.......she was spacey! And that is how it started with her.
Now she hoped to explore more with me. In truth my Ds experience up to that point had not involved anything that was potentially life threatening so this was another line to cross, if I chose to do so. But then the rush from the deeper level of trust it implied was something I knew I enjoyed. Looking back I now wonder if it was truly trust or just an overwhelming need on her part? While I will never know that answer for sure, it was probably a mix of the two.
I decided to probe further and discovered that her previous experience was all based on the use of hands, but she now wanted to use a rope, a noose!
Hands are one thing; you have (or should have) much greater feel and control over how much pressure and where it is applied. Using a rope is another game entirely with additional risks such as the noose "locking" and choking.
I did not respond other than to say that I would think about it and think about I did for a day or so. In that time I weighed up the risks against the potential returns, both in mutual pleasure and in pure learning. I also considered how much I trusted myself.
Well I decided that we would explore and I will now share some expected(?) and some unexpected(!) things that I learnt.
Despite what I just said about hands and rope I chose to use rope initially. I am really not sure why unless it offered me an opportunity to stand back a liitle to get a better perspective, both literally and metaphorically.'
Before we played I took length of soft silky rope and tied a small bowline in it. Those of you who know your knots will know that a bowline once tied does not close ie the loop stays the same size. It is the knot often used to make a loop to lift or lower people on cliffs or boats as it will not tighten and crush them. In the context of a noose it meant that when I threaded the long length of rope through the bowline, the sliding piece of rope will never be gripped any tighter.
I tested it many times around my arm, tightening the noose then seeing it immediately release when I stopped pulling. When I was satisfied I summoned her and began.
I had her strip naked and offer her wrists for the leather cuffs. As Fastened them I told her that she would not be wearing her collar for this scene, but not because I valued her any less. Instead she would feel a noose and wished to make sure that there was no way it could tangle with anything like a collar.
Her eyes sparkled as I directed her vision to a hook in the ceiling. I told that her hands would be fastened behind her back, a noose placed around her neck and the rope passed over the hook and that she would be raised onto her tip toes. I asked her if she accepted the plan and she did. I then placed an apple in one hand and told her that this was her safety; if she dropped it then the scene ended immediately.
The scene unfolded as I told her and as she rose to her tip toes the black pits appeared behind her eyes yet she kept hold of the apple. Yes I did put a small tension on the rope to encourage her to her toes, but certainly not enough to lift her; she did that!
I also placed the loose end of rope over a cleat, but I did not fasten it and there was no real constriction around her neck as I had released the tension. Had she collapsed or toppled the rope would have run smoothely with her, yet she was motionless and her breathing shallow and laboured.
She was away somewhere else and my role had now focussed totally on care. I watched her, I talked quietly at her and made sure she came to no harm. What was going on now was entirely in her head. It was quite beautiful!
After a few minutes....remember I was very cautious this first time....I carefully released her and placed her in bed wrapped in a duvet. I watched over her as she slowly swam back to me; as she slowly regained the ability to form words and then sentences. Her smile beamed with recognition and she then told me that she had been flying over beautiful purple beaches under yellow skies. Her satisfaction beamed like a searchlight and I accepted that this was never to be a personal experience, but one I could appreciate and enjoy through her.
