I've known I was submissive for quite some time, but it wasn't something I went around advertising to people. Only a select few boyfriends new my true nature and for the most part they had no idea what to do with it. This night however, my neighbor and I were out on the deck having a few drinks. It was summer, a wonderful North Carolina evening and we were enjoying it. Sometimes things just happen.
We had the radio on just quiet enough not to bother neighbors and one of my new favorite songs came on. Nickelback - Figured You Out I smiled and began to dance in my chair as I sang along to the chorus.
I like your pants around your feet
I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favorite damn disease
"Oh, you like that huh?" Mark asked with a sheepish grin.
Nodding I continued to mouth the words to the next verse.
And I love the places that we go
And I love the people that you know
And I love the way you can't say no
"You know that this song is about a girl who will do anything to get coke right?" He said more than asked.
I nodded to him, "Yeah I just choose to ignore the drug references."
"I see, so you just like him singing about a girl on her knees." He said grinning again.
I nodded once more as I smiled, "Yup."
He walked to the other side of the deck suddenly shaking his head, mumbling something to himself.
"What?!?" I called out to him.
"Nothing, the image I have in mind has to be the worst idea I could have right now. We're neighbors and friends. I just have to push it out of my mind." He said as he walked back over to me.
As the song ended and we drank in silence not knowing what he had been talking about was really starting to bother me.
"Just tell me what you were talking about before. It's bothering me not knowing." I finally said.
"Don't worry about it." I was told.
"I'm not worried, I just want to know." I said truthfully.
Mark ignored me, looking off into the distance as he sipped his beer. I sipped mine hoping he'd decide to tell me if I gave him a few minutes. I watched him without staring, wondering if and when he'd break the silence.
"So why do you like that song?" He finally asked without looking at me.
"Oh, that's what has been eating at you?" I answered with a question with a giggle in my voice.
He didn't say anything; he just turned to look at me waiting for an answer.
I gulped down some beer and tried to formulate an answer for him.
"I guess I just like how that sounds, the image it paints, looking up at a guy from my knees, pleading for something, feeling so vulnerable but knowing he'll take care of me." I said while looking off into the distance.
"What do you think you'd be begging for?" He wanted to know.
"I Don't know. I told him honestly. "I don't think it matters, it's the act of doing it that appeals to me I guess."
"What about the part about her not being able to say no?" he asked almost shyly.
"That appeals to me too. I mean, saying no is so hard sometimes. It could be a guy asking you out, or a friend asking a favor, or even sexual advances. I mean look at it like this, you're with someone, you're turned on right? Don't you think she is too? Of course she is, but she has to slow you down. She doesn't do that because she doesn't want to go further, she does it because she is brought up being told she has to. She has to protect herself from not only being hurt, but being thought of as a slut." I explained over the course of a few minutes.
Mark was nodding and obviously in deep thought as he finished his beer and put it aside still looking off into the distance. I decided to offer to get him another after finishing my own.
"I think that is every guy's fantasy you know." He said not answering the question I had asked.
"What is?"
"A girl that can't say no."
"I bet" I told him while laughing.
Walking over to him I collected his empty bottle and offered him a full one. Mark accepting the offer sent me walking back down the hallway to my apartment door. I could feel him staring at me as I walked but didn't mind. As I turned the doorknob to open my door I glanced back at him and smiled before entering my apartment.
Inside I used the bathroom, then after washing my hands I found myself looking in the mirror touching up my makeup.
"Oh my God" I thought to myself. "I'm attracted to this guy."
After the quick touch up of my makeup I got a pair of coronas from the fridge and headed back out to the deck where Mark was waiting. I handed him one of the beers where he had sat down while I was inside. I stood there about to take a sip of my own when I realized that coronas aren't twist off tops and we needed a bottle opener.
I felt myself blush from the embarrassment of being so absent minded. Mark looked at the bottle then looked at me smiling.
"Forget something?" He asked.
I giggled trying to make the situation less embarrassing, "It seems so."
Taking the beer back from him I hurried back into my apartment and opened them with a bottle opener. I hurried back out the door and headed back to the deck where Mark met me stepping very close looking deeply into my eyes.