Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Here's my secret: I crave subjugation. And cock. I want so badly to be filled with hard, thick cock all the time that sometimes I can't focus on my daily activities. I especially want a big, throbbing dick filling my ass, practically rending me in two. All of my fantasies center around being used as a fuck slut, a personal slave, a cum receptacle for some unknown, big-dicked dominant. Doesn't matter what the fantasy, whether it's being picked up by a stranger at a club, a real life meeting with a Dom I met on a BDSM website, or a boyfriend who secretly wanted a submissive to train all along and just now decided to act on it regardless of my thoughts on the matter, they all go the same way.

I'm going to attempt to be coherent as I write down one of my favorite fantasies so that I can refer back to it later and read it as an erotic story. I'm leaving out the beginning because there are a lot of different ways that I like to imagine I came to be in my predicament. And, because it's my fantasy, I totally ignore the fact that I would never give in so easily in real life.

Here goes nothing:

He ties me up in some sort of standing/upright-suspension position, blindfolds me, and secures a small ball gag in my mouth. Then he tells me how he owns me and will use me as he sees fit while he secures a leather full body harness on me. It starts with a collar that has 3 D-rings along the front, and one at the back. Attached to the collar is a sort of bra, with a strap across my back that continues to a strap across the front that is contoured to the underside of my breasts, and a series of elastic like straps that surround my breasts and apply a constant, light pressure on them, keeping them thrust forward and rounded, but not so extreme as to cut off the blood flow and cause the trademark purpling of traditional breast bondage.

Once he has these elastic straps adjusted to a snug fit, he takes a break from outfitting me in the harness so that he can begin torturing my nipples. He explains that he loves my cute, pink, pencil eraser nips but that he finds suction devices to be an excellent torture tool and that he knows I'll love the results as much as he does.

(Of course, because this is my fantasy, he uses a suction system I'm already familiar with, and in fact own. It's the one I got online that has a hand pump and tubing that attaches to the two nipple cups or the clit cup, depending on which I'm using at the time. The best part is, you can attach the nipple cups, pump them up, then release the air lock line and attach another cup somewhere else without loosing the vacuum. Needless to say, I regularly employ the nipple suckers on the maximum suction I can stand before releasing the line and doing the same with the clit cup, then I keep them on for as long as possible before removing the cups and applying clamps to my hugely swollen nipples and a small butterfly vibe to my aching clit. Sometimes, it hurts so bad that I almost scream, but I do it anyways because it feels so good and I want to be prepared for the day that I get a Master who will expect me to be able to handle a good amount of abuse to my sensitive areas.) I actually just had to take a quick break to apply my nipple suckers, it was making me so horny writing about them. My nips are so sensitive right now because I've been torturing them almost constantly for the last couple days. That's what prompted me to start this diary, I've been so horny, so obsessed with thought of being someone's submissive that I've been taking my regular masturbation rituals to the extreme and it's not even close to taking the edge off. But I'm getting totally distracted from describing my fantasy.

So, he's telling me how big and swollen and sensitive my nipples will be when he takes the suckers off (him explaining everything is important to me, not only because I'm blindfolded, but because I love dirty talk so much. I like to hear the voice of a man so obviously in charge of me giving me graphic descriptions of what he's doing, and will do to me, and forcing me to respond the way he wants), and how I'll get used to him abusing my nipples and clit and grow to crave it.

The application of suction makes me squirm in my bindings and makes him chuckle and tell me that he knows I like it and that I'm his good little slut. Then, he applies the clit sucker which makes me struggle and cry out (sometimes in the fantasy, this struggling makes the sucker come off since he hasn't fully suctioned it down yet, which makes him get a bit irritated so he gets a spreader bar and secures my ankles to it then spanks my exposed pussy with several stinging slaps and admonishes me to behave myself and not resist him or I won't like the punishment, then he reattaches the sucker and pumps it almost cruelly tight while I writhe in pleasurable pain. Once he detaches the tubing, he tugs on the cup a couple times making me whimper and squirm some more).

At this point, he refocuses his attention to finishing putting the harness on me. It has an under bust corset that connects to a wide belt that fits around my hips. There are several more D-rings at intervals around the belt and a D-ring low on the hips of the corset at each side, which a set of wrist cuff can be attached to, to restrain me to myself. At the bottom edge of the belt, two straps hang, one the in the front, one at the back.

The one in the front starts out wide, like the front of a thong, to cover my pubic mound, then tapers down to a slimmer measurement with a small pocket depression on the inside in the middle of the taper. He has fitted a clit stimulator there, basically just a soft rubber device with small nodules on it. The strap narrows a bit more, then has another pocket-like feature that secures the base of a dildo.

The strap ends just after that, splitting into 2 flat leather cords. As my new master will show me later, these cords sit in the crack of my backside as they run up to meet the back of the belt and clip into place, one on each side of my spine, offset about 3 inches from the center. There is just enough give in these straps that they can be pulled onto my ass cheeks, leaving me spread open for anal access, but not so much slack that my dildo and clit stimulator aren't kept snugly in place.

The strap at the back is narrower than the one at the front and a bit stiffer. It falls directly from the middle of the belt and is solid until about halfway down. There, it too splits into flat strands that sit in the crease of my thighs and connect to the belt in the front at the edges of where the front strap is secured. Again, as my Master shows me later, the solid part of the strap has just enough flex that it folds lengthwise down the middle just a bit to fit more closely to my asshole and hold the base of a plug or dildo firmly in place.

This strap is secured much tighter than the other but works in the same way. Both straps can be used together to hold 2 toys in place for double penetration, both straps can be completely removed so that both holes are open and available for use, allowing for actual double penetration, or either strap can be used to hold in a toy but still leave the other hole unobstructed for use.

(Going along with my ultimate fantasy here, my Master will almost always have both of my holes filled with toys; a shorter, slimmer dildo in my pussy, and a long, thick dildo in my ass. He uses a dildo instead of a plug in my ass because the lack of a taper at the end keeps my asshole spread open continuously instead of being allowed to close almost completely around the base of a plug. Also in keeping with the ultimate fantasy, my Master leaves the toy in whatever hole he isn't currently using so that I always feel full to bursting, and of course, he fucks my ass frequently. Not that I don't love to have my pussy fucked, but I crave the sensation of having my ass used roughly and often.)

By the time he's gotten the corset and belt on, my clit is sufficiently plumped up so he removes the cup, spanks my pussy several times, and then slides a dildo up into my dripping hole. He then positions the clit stimulator just right over my swollen bud and fixes the pussy strap into place. I squirm in my bindings causing the stim to rub my clit roughly making me cry out through my gag and roll my hips causing even more sensation. He steps back and enjoys watching me cause myself such pleasurable agony for a few moments.

When I finally begin to calm down, he moves in front of me and begins to tug and twist the nipple cups. By now my nips are swollen to the maximum so the sensation is delicious and intense. I whimper and try to beg for more through my gag. My Master affixes an adjustable length chain with a rubber tipped clamp on each end to the outer two the the three D-rings along my collar, letting the clips dangle on my tits.

He tells me that he knows how much his slut enjoys having her tits tortured but that I have to hold still so he can get the clamps on properly so I won't be actually hurt. He asks me if I understand and when I nod, he tells me I'm a good girl which makes me feel warm and fluttery. I plant my feet firmly and thrust my chest out towards him. He removes one cup and wipes away the watery residue that has been sucked from my skin, then he rolls and squeezes my engorged nipple causing me to groan and push into his hand.

He tells me to hold still, then attaches the first clamp firmly around my turgid bud. I'm almost disappointed, it's not terribly tight. There's nothing causing me to whine in mild pain, nothing providing the steady, almost unbearable pressure that I'm used to from my own adventures in nipple torture. He repeats the process for my other nipple, then after a moment, asks me if I'm ready to have the clamps tightened.

I inhale sharply as this is what I've been waiting for since he first put the cups on me. I nod my head eagerly and mumble through my gag. He begins to turn the adjustable screws slowly tightening the clamps simultaneously. Immediately I feel the pressure sharply increase; this is what I love. He continues and I begin to protest through my gag. He tightens them a bit more before stopping and giving me a moment to adjust.

At this point, I've already accepted that I'm well under his control. Almost completely immobilized by my bindings, strapped into a harness that he obviously had made for me because it fits so well, and though I can't see him, I can sense that he is much larger than I am and that even if I were to get free, I wouldn't be able to fend him off. I've unconsciously decided to cooperate because it seems unlikely that I'll get away, he hasn't hurt me yet and I'd like to keep it that way, and I'm hoping cooperation and even enthusiasm will help to continue him along this path of using me a manner that I find highly agreeable.

After a moment to adjust, he asks if I can handle the clamps being tightened more and I nod my head yes. Again I groan and lean forward as the pressure becomes more intense. He has almost reached my limit. He stops and asks again if I can handle more and I hesitate because I don't want him to go too far and cause unpleasant pain but I can't elucidate this through my gag. He senses my hesitation and asks if maybe I want just a little more.

I timidly nod yes and he slowly continues to tighten the clamps. He gets right to my tolerance limit and I squeak in alarm. He stops and chuckles, then tugs on the chains attaching the clamps to my collar, causing my tits to bounce and pull nicely on my abused nips. I groan slightly in disappointment as he steps away.

Soon, he comes back and he places a padded bench in front of me and adjusts the height to match my hips. Then he detaches my wrist binding from the anchor point dangling from the ceiling and pulls me down over the bench. It's tilted, higher where it meets my hips, then sloping down towards the floor where my belly lays on it. It drops off before my breasts leaving my upper half to dangle, angled toward the floor.

He pulls my arms down and attaches my wrist restraints to an anchor point in the floor then attaches my ankles to the legs of the table. I am on my toes, ass high in the air. He reaches under me and attaches another chain to each of my nipple clamps and then attaches the middle of the chain to another smaller anchor on the floor. He then spanks my ass firmly, once on each cheek to demonstrate that every time my body jiggles, the chain pulls at my nipples causing jolts of agonizing ecstasy to surge though my tits.

He starts reaffirming to me that I am his, that he owns me and I am now his property. He tells me that he will train me to be an excellent slave for him, that I will grow to crave his cock in all my holes, but most especially my ass. He tells me that he loves the sight and feel of an anal slut bent over begging to have her rear entrance filled with his cock. He assures me that he is well hung, but not so long that he'll hit my cervix when he fucks my pussy. He claims to be about 7-7.5 inches, but tell me he is quite thick and that it may be difficult for me to adjust to his girth.

He places something cool and moist at my asshole and tells me that because I've been such a good slut that he'll allow me to have some numbing cream for this first penetration. He laughingly adds that it will wear off partway through and have the added "benefit" of desensitizing him as well causing him to last significantly longer. He works the cream up into my rectum, telling me to relax.

I'm whimpering now, partly in fear, partly in eager anticipation. As he continues to massage the cream into my hole, he tells me that he knows I regularly wear toys in my ass. He tells me that he knows all about the anal dilators and harness I ordered online.

(I still remember the day i stumbled upon the Rupert Huse and sons website and discovered the absolutely perfect set of anal stretching toys and the specially made harness to go with them. I immediately bought the system and have used it every day since it arrived, often under my clothes while I'm at work or running errands. Sometimes I even wear it to the club when I go dancing. Usually I don't wear it to sleep as I like to take a break from the harness itself; instead I wear a large butt plug, one of the multi-tiered bubble shaped ones if I plug myself at night).

He tells me that he's not going to bother to use any toys on me before he fucks my ass because I should be able to handle it, even though it will be a stretch since he is thicker and longer than the toys I use. He tells me that this is the point, for him to be the biggest thing in my ass, because he owns me and I need to keep myself tight for him.

(Satisfyingly, using all these toys in my ass nonstop has kept me very tight. If I skip wearing a toy for any amount of time, it becomes a real effort to get one back in. Just as much of an effort as it was the first time I ever put a toy in, the only difference is that now it doesn't hurt. Sometimes, if I go right to a really big toy after a break, it's uncomfortable and I have to force myself to get used to it instead of taking it back out, but after a while it feels like it belongs there.) I hear him open a jar and I wonder to myself if he's planning to use my favorite anal lube, coconut oil. It's messy, but it feels awesome and I don't have to worry about having an allergic reaction to it. Suddenly, his slippery cock head is rubbing along my crack, then two of his fingers with a scoop of the oil solid on them are pressing into my anus, stretching and lubricating me.

I can't move, tied as I am, but I try to push back onto his fingers instinctively. He pushes them deeper, then pulls them out, only to return them with more oil. He shoves them deep and twists while scissoring his finger apart to stretch me more. I begin to breathe heavier and am moaning through my gag. He removes his fingers again and then, he reaches to my inner thighs and pulls the 2 cords of my pussy strap onto my ass cheeks to keep them spread open, baring every inch of my ass to him.

He aligns his cock with my prepared entrance then pushes in with a strong, steady pressure and I cry out, my rectum contracting reflexively. He doesn't waver, gripping my cheeks tighter and telling me not to fight it, that this is the ultimate symbol of ownership, for him to use my ass as his toy.

The pressure from his stiff cock continues on my tight hole and I feel the ring of muscle give way enough to let his head in causing me to moan in pleasure. He wasn't lying; I can tell just from the head that he's bigger than any toy I've used, and that by the time he's fully seated in my rear I'll be fuller than I've ever been.

He doesn't stop his assault for a second, continuing his push into me, sliding easier now, inch after inch. I'm breathing furiously now and moaning compulsively. It feels like his cock goes on forever, I don't know how much more I can take. He's so thick and the dildo in my cunt is making me feel even fuller.

He murmurs words of encouragement to me, telling me how good I feel and assuring me that I can take it all. He tells me that he's halfway in and I can't even comprehend such a thing. Halfway?! It feels like he's about to reach my stomach he so far up my ass.

More pushing, he tells me it's just a few more inches now and I begin to struggle in my bounds. I've never been this full. Surely I must have had toys in me that went this deep if he really does have several more inches to go, but the girth, accompanied with the small dildo in my pussy, is making it feel exponentially bigger. My struggling only acts against me, working me further onto his hard dick until finally, he is fully seated in my bowels, his balls lightly slapping against the pussy strap of my harness. He rolls his hips, holding himself deep inside me and moves his hands to my hips to better pull me back against him.

Slowly, he pulls out, all the way, leaving me empty and whining at the absence. He laughs and delivers a firm slap to my ass calling me a greedy and impatient slut. He returns his re-lubed cock to my ass and pushes in again, meeting with less resistance this time. He grips my cheeks again and pushes in with one long, quick stroke. I scream through my gag at the sensation, so good but so intense I feel I might pass out.

Again, he rolls his hips while holding himself balls deep in my hole, then begins to thrust. Slow and shallow at first, it feels so incredible, the oil smoothing his passage, then he increases his speed and the depth of his strokes. I can hardly moan though my gag I'm breathing so hard.

I've only actually had a couple men fuck my ass, and they went slow and stuck to shallow strokes because I was inexperienced. Despite my prolific use of toys and my love of being filled to capacity, the in and out motion of being fucked is almost foreign to me and my Master is only getting rougher.

He rides me hard, telling me what a tight ass I have and how he's going to fuck me everyday and fill me with his cum. He tells me how good it feels to have me clamped around his length and that soon I'll grow to love being stretched and used like this. He's right. Even though it's so intense I can barely think, I can feel already that I'll quickly become addicted to this. Being filled with plugs and dildos and stretching toys won't be enough for me anymore. soon, I'll need this frenzied abuse of my ass by a cock so thick I can barely get my fingers all the way around it.

He fucks me with vigor for what feels like forever, spanking me hard and telling me the whole time how I belong to him and he'll train me to be his perfect toy. After perhaps 20 minutes or so, I feel a familiar sensation spiraling from deep in my pussy connecting to my swollen nipples being tugged viciously with each every thrust of my Master's cock inside me. It builds with internal pressure until suddenly I'm coming, my pussy and ass clenching spasmodically around the dildo and his cock.