My Lord has been training me for a long time now, and every time I arrive, we follow the same routine: I strip naked in the hallway and leave my clothes on the floor before I step inside his living room. The only thing I'm still wearing is my neckless with the discreet and hidden token of his ownership that I wear in the outside world. He takes off the necklace and replaces it with my proper collar before I go to my cage. There I'll wait patiently until he decides to use me. Sometimes he lets others use me too, and it's been months since I've made any big mistakes.
Today he says he's pleased with my servitude, but for the winter holiday when I'm free all week, he's too busy at work to make effective use of me. Not to waste the opportunity, he has decided to lend me out to a couple he knows. He informs me that he'll bring me to them, and then collect me when they're done with me, but I'll be on my own without him for days.
He's not asking my opinion, but why should he.
***
When we walk to his car, I'm not wearing my coat. The air feels cold against my body and the thin silky dress he instructed me to wear. When we exhale, our breath freezes, and the tiny ice crystals make it look like we're evaporating smoke. If the lack of proper clothes is meant to make me feel even more unprotected and exposed than I already do from the thought of him leaving me with strangers, or to remind me of my place, it's succeeding.
Luckily, the walk to his car is short, and the car is already comfortably warm. Still, our breath and body heat make the insides of the car panes foggy, and we need to wait a minute or two for it to melt away before we start driving.
For the first minute, we sit in silence. Then he asks: "Are you ready?"
One part of me feels that I'm being thrown into the abyss, while another part of me is excited. I interpret his question as "do you trust me?"
"Yes, my Lord."
I still know nothing about who the couple are or where we're going, but I trust my Lord to have created an agreement with them that will bring me home unscathed. Unscathed as in only covered in bruises that will heal.
He starts driving east, towards the mountains. The rays of sunshine are sharp and it's glistering everywhere. I'm not wearing sunglasses like he does, so I squint my eyes when I take it all in. It's ridiculously beautiful, like an old-fashioned Christmas postcard; a dream landscape of winding roads between snow-covered pine trees.
Sitting next to him, I watch him drive. He makes me feel so safe, and relaxed. I am fully willing to give myself to him, but we both know I'm not there yet. I still have difficulties with completely letting go. I want to, but I need to really feel it. He needs to feel it. There's a difference between me wanting to be his, and me being his. In the latter, there might not even be a me anymore. It intrigues me, and I long for it, but it also scares me.
***