It was something I was reluctant to reveal to anyone. How do you tell someone you want to be tied up, spanked, and used for another's pleasure? To be teased, explored and controlled? How do you explain to someone that the very act of agreeing to something like this causes arousal?
Well, you don't. Or, at least I have not figured out how. You give hints. You write it in stories or bring it up in little ways, and hope that your partner sees it in you and matches your desire with his own. Which is why, when asked directly, I found that I could not confess this desire.
I lied. That dishonest response, however, burned within me until I could no longer contain it. Submissives do not have skills in deception. They tell the truth and accept whatever comes of it. Their very nature is revealing. It is their sensitivity and ability to respond honestly that makes them unique. Each and every response is a sacrifice: a gift to their partner.
I could not live with it another moment. Confession became my compulsion. I sent a note to my partner admitting my deception and then waited, sure it would be too much for him. His response was swift and reassuring, acknowledging how difficult it must be to talk about and expressing his understanding. I was flooded with both relief at his acceptance and a sense of peace at no longer having any secrets. Which is why, several days later, I was taken completely by surprise.
We had been dating for a while and routinely met for outdoor lunches on our afternoons off. Today, we had an outdoor picnic planned in the mountains, a relatively short drive away. He drove us to a remote location, and after a short hike we came to a clearing with a fabulous view. I spread out the blanket and began to unpack the basket we brought along.
Lunch was an assortment of fruits, cheeses, crackers and chilled shrimp. Not too heavy, but immensely satisfying. We cleaned up and continued to sip on the wine, our conversation light and friendly. Stretching out across the blanket side by side, we began to describe the clouds. So far, we had not been intimate and I wondered if today would be the day.
Sometime later, he rolled onto his side and propped his head in his hand. His gaze bore into me and drew my attention from the sky. When I made eye contact, I was taken back by his serious intense expression. "You know," he began, as his right hand reached out and caressed my abdomen below my breasts, "I really wanted our first time to be romantic and tender, but you have taken away that choice." My eyes blinked in surprise, the expression on my face one of confusion. "I have to punish you for lying," he continued.
My heart leapt to my throat as the memory of my lie flooded into my consciousness. I was speechless. Did he mean it? Was he capable of it? He paused letting the information sink in. My breathing quickened along with my heart rate and I felt the warmth spread quickly through me. "Do you understand what I am saying?" he asked. I nodded, unable to speak. His eyes searched my face for consent, taking in my expression and demeanor. Apparently satisfied, he continued, "Take off your clothes and lay face down looking that way."
I looked for reassurance but found none. His face was hardened with determination. I moved to obey as if in a dream. I had imagined that the first time he saw me naked it would be because he had undressed me. I was totally unprepared to strip in front of him. I sat up and pulled my knees up to protect my modesty, then eased my jeans off my hips, rising only enough to allow them to pass over my buttocks. When I had kicked them off my feet, I reached up and took my t-shirt off. Leaning forward into my knees, I reached behind me and unclasped my bra; the last shred of clothing protecting me from what he had planned. When this was removed, I sat for a moment gathering the emotional strength to stretch out as he had instructed. He waited patiently but offered no encouragement or support.
I rolled onto my stomach and turned my head as instructed, resting it on my arms, which were folded to provide a pillow of sorts. My hair covered my shoulders and tickled me slightly as the breeze crossed the clearing. I did not wait long for what he had in mind.
The first blow struck suddenly, it was not too hard, but tears sprung to my eyes. I closed them tightly and did not move. "I have to trust you," he said between the blows that came at irregular intervals. "I am so sorry," I said in short breaths. He was good at this, I thought, as he continued unabated. "I need to be sure," he stated. He alternated between hard and soft, sometimes quickly and sometimes waiting so long, I thought he was finished. I could feel the heat spreading into my pussy. I wiggled slightly as my juices began to flow. "You do like it, don't you?" he stated rather than asked.
