College Submission

I could say that I finally realized the nature of our relationship that spring afternoon in her apartment on East 33rd street. We had been friends and lovers for three months by then and, although we had exchanged the "L" word very earnestly, neither one of us actually meant it. We were young, only 20 at that time, and love was an abstract concept that we confused with our ability to expose our desires to each other in bed.

Allison's desires had been growing more and more animated, and she had been asserting herself sexually from the first day we hooked up. She had gone down on me in bathroom at a party, but had been in control of the entire act. She pushed me against the wall, and pulled my pants and underwear down, exposing me. Her hand kept me firmly pressed up against the wall, and her mouth had teased me – exciting me and then keeping me waiting for a release. After a ten minutes of exquisite torture that stopped just short of climax, I begged her to let me come. When it happened and the come sprayed all over the dirty brown basement sink, she whispered in my ear, "Good boy." I could tell that she was immensely satisfied with herself. I was hers.

That dynamic had only increased in scope and veracity. I am not sure she knew it, or had even explored her feelings with others but she clearly wanted sexual control of our relationship. I was reluctant to surrender control so easily, but the fucking was intense and her very sexual and strong-willed attitude was an immense turn on. At first, I was a protective of my status as a supposed equal in the relationship outside of the bedroom. That too wore away.

Now, as the sunlight played through the curtain less window and warmed my back, I had given up on any pretext of control. She nuzzled my ear and let her long, soft hair hang down on my body, tickling me. I was over her lap, with my ass exposed to her and she had been spanking me – hard.

She had broached the subject quite nonchalantly, but ultimately made it so I couldn't refuse. She loved to talk to me at my most vulnerable, to see how dirty I could talk when I was close to coming. She had been fucking me furiously for almost an hour, forbidding me, as was her recent custom, until she had satisfied herself multiple times. At a lull in our one-way fucking, she simply said what she wanted. The desire to come was overwhelming, and she repeated her request as she rode up and down on my cock.

"I wan't to hurt you."

"How?" I was breathless.

"I wan't to hit you, spank you."

"Fine, just let me come."

"No." This had started recently too. She made me beg to come every time we fucked. Sometimes, the begging would go on until she climaxed again. Other times she would pretend to grow tired of it and just get up and walk away. She would pee, get a drink and come back to me on the bed. "I'm done. If you want to come that bad, play with yourself," she would say. I would, and she would watch with a little bit of a smirk on her face.

Now the emotional dominance had turned into physical dominance. It was a strange sensation, and I had never felt the sexuality of pain and submission. I had sneaked peaks at de Sade in the library at school and masturbated in the bathroom after reading it, but I had never really been curious about it. As Allison reminded me now, my erect cock was proof enough of my desires.

"Little boy likes to be beaten, doesn't he?" she whispered as she caressed my ass. It stung viciously when she struck me, and I had no doubt that my ass was red. But my cock was pressed firmly up against her and I moved it back and forth against her leg – trying for the release. She knew I was excited and needed to come, but she wouldn't have it.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I just wan't to come."

"Shut the fuck up," she hissed and grabbed my hair with one hand. She looked directly into my eyes and said, "You will come only when I want you to." She punctuated each word with a vicious slap to my ass.

She was starting to scare me a little, and I hung my head in shame as she continued to beat me with each stroke getting progressively harder than the next until she was hitting me with all her strength. She was not weak, and it took every bit of control for my not to cry at the pain. I could not give her the satisfaction.

I begged for her to stop because it seemed to make her happy, but after a bit she seemed to tire and she made me get up and stand in front of her. She laughed at the site of my erect cock was jutting into her face.

"Do you want to come?" she asked with a cruel smile on her face.

"Yes."

"You will have to wait. First you have to take care of my needs."

Thinking she might let me fuck her for a bit, I advanced towards her. She pushed me back and then swiftly grabbed my balls with her hand and gave me a hard squeeze. I crumpled on the floor in pain, writhing at the agony of the unexpected.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing bitch?" She seemed incredulous at my actions.

"I . . . I thought . . . we were done."

"We are not fucking done you little fucking bitch!"

She slapped me hard across the face and I looked down, embarrassed at myself despite the circumstances.

"Crawl over here on your hands and knees," she ordered.

I did so and spent the next half hour licking her very wet pussy as she rode from one frantic climax to another. When she was done, she caressed me gently and kissed me on the lips for the first time that day.

"Do you want to come now?"

"Yes, please."

"Yes, please what?"

"What do you mean?" I was flustered and desperately needed to relieve the throbbing pressure in my cock. I started to touch myself, in the hope that she would allow me some relief, and she grabbed my face.

Her tone turned angry again, "You are my little fuck boy, so you have to ask permission from your mistress before you come." As she said this she grabbed my hand and started pumping it up and down slowly, controlling the rhythm of my strokes.

I doubled over in anticipation of coming and it took all my energy to not come right at that moment. I whispered, "Yes, please Mistress. May I come now?"

She knelt by my side, lifted my head and kissed me while stroking my cock a little faster. Then she pushed me down and made me kneel on all fours. "Yes you may come now."

The instant she said the words I came ferociously, with my semen shooting in long, stringy white bursts all over the floor. I remained on my hands and knees, panting and out of breath, in front of her, and she kissed me gently on the forehead.

*

Whatever pretense of a normal relationship between us quickly faded away. Humiliation and degradation became routine and although my pride and ego fought back occasionally, I was quickly worn down by her needs. Although it was never discussed, my role as boyfriend was subsumed by my role as her servant. I picked her up and dropped her off from class, did the dishes, made her bed and did her laundry – folding her panties to the smirks of my classmates at the laundromat.

In public, she did little to hide the nature of our relationship. She would barely acknowledge my presence as we walked through campus and would talk to people as if I was no longer there, turning her back to me as she talked. When I once interjected with some inane comment, she simply stared at me and resumed talking as if nothing had happened. After the conversation, she walked to the library and I followed her to a deserted place in the stacks. She stopped, and slapped me hard across the face. I stumbled back a bit, a look of shock on my face.

"Don't ever talk in front of me again, without my permission."

"What?" I was astounded that she would want to treat me that way. "Why not? Am I forbidden from speaking now too?"

She said nothing and simply glared at me, letting the silence linger between us. Her anger, when she chose to focus it, manifested itself in a look that could silence me in an instant. I could not withstand her gaze for very long, and eventually I dropped my eyes and gazed at the tile floor, my face red. Eventually, after I shifted uncomfortably, she hissed at me, "Drop your fucking pants bitch."

I looked at her, but her gaze was even more menacing. My cock, despite my humiliation, began to grow. She reached in, grabbed my hair and whispered right into my ear, "Drop them now, you little shit."

I looked at her imploringly, and got no response. Hesitantly I undid my jeans and let the fall to my knees.

"Bend over and drop your boxers."

I did as I was told, my cock rigid now.

"Now don't you make a fucking peep, you little shit, or ill turn you in for jacking off in the stacks. Nod if you understand."

I nodded. Even now, when I think of her, I still remember the feeling of being exposed in those cold and drafty stacks. It was the first time I acknowledged to myself that my submission to her was complete as subjugated myself to her in public. As the blows came, I tried to focus my attention on the books in front of me so I would not make a noise. They were books on anthropology and early humans, I tried to read the titles and the authors but the pain and excitement were too much for me to concentrate.

*

Again and again, I guiltily allowed myself to sink further into the my role of slave in exchange for the sexual pleasure it brought me. Where before, Allison was content to play our game occasionally, it now morphed into a full fledged "lifestyle." I was amazed at how much I looked forward to her degradation. At the time, Allison was still allowing me to come, and sometimes after she had been particularly cruel or hurtful she would allow me the pleasure of coming inside of her. But, paradoxically, as the sexual release grew more infrequent, I found myself growing more and more in need of her. I arrived each day at our apartment prepared, even needing, to please her in any way she wanted. From the moment I walked into the door my cock was hard, and she would quickly make me disrobe - sometimes into nothing but my socks (solely for the humiliation element of it), but mostly into a jockstrap that she kept hanging by the front door. I would immediately start performing the evenings required tasks, and she would pay only marginal attention to me – only occasionally massaging my swollen cock if it seemed I was not sufficiently excited to be performing my duties for her.

After I had cooked her dinner (and sometimes fed it to her while she lay on the couch), I would eat a quick meal and try and study for my classes. She would constantly interrupt this time with demands for me to change the channel, get her a drink, give back rubs, foot massages or for me to assist her in the bathroom. These demands escalated in their nature and perversity as the weeks wore on and I was a little shocked when, during her nightly beauty routine, she sat on the toilet and started to pee in front of me. I had never seen a woman do that, and her subsequent order to "wipe me" made me a little queasy. To my shame, I enjoyed cleaning her up immensely and carefully wiped her pussy with an eagerness that extended beyond my desire to please her. She picked up on my sexual excitement immediately and when I was done cleaning she guided my head to her clit. As she wrapped her legs around my head and forced my head down into her pussy, I tasted her scent mixed with the lingering taste of urine. The smell of her piss was still strong in the toilet, but it didn't matter to me. All I knew was that I had a chance to please my Mistress.

Just as I weakened before her, Allison seemed to undergo a transformation. No longer the slightly shy brunette, she took to wearing tight leather skirts and long boots. She even cut her hair butch and wore mostly tank tops and talked of getting a tattoo or a piercing. Although she was always slender, she shaped her body by frequent trips to the gym. Her torso became more and more sculpted and she spent hours working on her upper body. She preferred the athlete's gym on campus and would often work out when the football team did its regular sessions – allowing the testosterone level in the gym to wash over her so that she could take it out on me later.

Meanwhile, I was left more and more on my own as Allison pursued a social and academic calendar without me. When I was brought along, it was mostly to events that she did not want to go to or where she knew very few people. For those moments, I enjoyed a taste of our pre-S&M relationship and I allowed myself to think that we truly were a couple of equals that really just had non-mainstream sexual appetites. She would hold my hand and smile and call me her "boyfriend" or "sweetheart" as we put on a show for those around us. I would nuzzle her affectionately, enjoying my liberty but knowing the humiliation and beatings that followed these episodes were almost always more severe.

*

The sex, of course, became more and more deviant as the weeks went on and we experimented – or rather, Allison experimented on me – with more and more risky and violent sexual confrontations. At the time, I was deeply ashamed of what she was making me do – and most acts I had never even thought of or been exposed to. But Allison relished making me do things I did not want and forced me deeper and deeper into a world that repulsed and excited me. She realized, much sooner than I did, that I liked being forced to do these things, and that it wasn't necessarily the act that made it exciting – but the capitulation.

One night after I had eaten her out for an hour, we smoked a joint together and lay on the couch – watching some soft core porn on a pay channel. Allison didn't like the bad acting, 80's actors with feathered hair and told me she wanted to watch some "real" porn. She lackadaisically ordered me to go find some and to make sure whatever I brought back was "interesting." I wandered to the movie store on the corner, too excited (and still fairly high) to care about being recognized in the adult movie room. I searched through an endless selection of bright, pictured boxes and settled on a few at random just so that I could get out quickly. I brought the titles to the front counter where a girl in her late teens looked at me a little contemptuously as she rang up the tapes. She made sure to hold up the box so that everyone in line knew what I was renting, and told me, in a loud voice, that "adult" titles were due back in three days or there was a significant late fee. I just smiled. She ended with a smirk and a "Have fun tonight."

The tapes I brought back were mostly compilations of triple X movies. No plot, no surprises – just close ups of fucking. As the tapes rolled, I loss interest fairly quickly – it was so graphic as to leave nothing to the imagination so, in my opinion, was only moderately arousing. Instead, I discretely watched Allison absorb everything presented to her. I think it was the first time she had watched this type of porn, and she was visibly aroused by the shots of long cocks being inserted into mouths and pussies, shots of come spewing across faces and stomachs, women lying prostrate in front of men and begging to be fucked. After a while, we switched tapes and smoked another joint in silence. This one featured "Backdoor Adventures" and from the opening scene, there was nothing but close ups of women taking impossibly large dicks into their well-worn assholes. Allison had discretely unzipped her jeans and was fingering her clit while watching the same variation of scene play out over and over. She aggressively batted away my hand when I tried to help, and she seemed content to pleasure herself while I watched her do the same. After a half an hour of masturbation she hadn't come yet and as she turned to me I knew by looking at her that the lust was too powerful to be satiated by her finger. She needed me. Her eyes were a bit droopy from the dope, and she smiled a little sweetly as she said:

"Will you fuck me?"

I almost jumped when she said those words. It had been days since I had been able to enter her and she never tried to "seduce" me or ask me if I wanted to have actual sex - she just, well, took me. I didn't want to do or say anything to screw this up, so I just nodded mutely. Then she said something strange.

"Come," she said as she led me to the bathroom, "clean me up the way you like to."

She took off her pants and string panties and leaned far over the sink.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked – curious more than nervous.

"Clean my ass."

I didn't question – to do so would only spoil a potentially fantastic night of exploration. And to be honest, I wanted to do it. I spread her ass cheeks and got my first look at an asshole. It smelled, but not as foul as I would have thought. I wet some toilet paper and started to gently clean the area around it. She moaned and shifted a bit unsteadily as she tried to give me better access. I wetted the paper a bit and cleaned a bit more. By this time, my cock was rock hard and I had to stop to undo my pants to let it out. She said nothing at what would normally be a punishable act of impertinence, so I took it one step further. I spread her ass a bit more to clean the inner part of her asshole while caressing her thighs with my other hand. She moaned and brought her ass out farther, putting my face was inches from the exposed cleft of her ass.

"I want you to..." she breathed and paused.

"Yes?"

"I want you to ... lick it."

"What?"

"Lick it. Please. Like they did in the movie."

"I don't know... that's kind of..."

"Please. Oh God, please... just do it for me." She almost whimpered the request.

Again a request. This time with a "please." Allison didn't ask nicely. Ever. The significance was lost on me though, because all I could think of was that my Mistress was asking me to please her. She didn't have to demand or threaten – she just had to ask and I was hers. I leaned in and gently drew my tongue in a circle around her asshole.

*

The next few days were spent in bed exploring the limits of anal sex with Allison. At first I was only permitted to rim her while she masturbated. She got so excited by this act she would then let me fuck her, and once even let me come inside her. However, after few days of this she started whispering to me how she wanted to get fucked in the ass – but we needed to ease into things first as she didn't think her ass could take my cock. With just a trace of suppressed eagerness, I told her that, as usual, whatever she wanted from me she could have. The next day she called me in the middle of the afternoon.

"Get over here," the demanding tone in her voice made me run the short distance.

I found her in the living room. Her torn jeans and thong were around her ankles but her clothes were still on and a bag from the pharmacy was laying where she dropped it. She was bent over our overstuffed chair with her beautiful ass facing me and finger fucking herself from behind. I looked a little closer and saw a bottle of KY on the chair.

"Wh-what do you want me to do?" I stammered, excited by the possibility that I may get to finally enter her virgin ass.

She didn't answer for a bit and continued to fuck herself while I watched. But then she removed her lube covered finger from her pussy.

"Lube my ass and then put some on your finger."

I did so. Squirting, in my inexperience, an overly generous amount in and on her hole. I then added, unnecessarily in retrospect, more to my finger and placed it on the very outside of her – with just the top part of my tip pressed against her.

"Put it in," she panted – clearly excited at the prospect of breaching this new part of her sexuality. "Fuck my ass with it."

The finger went in remarkably easily in one easy stroke. She moaned a little and her back and hands went rigid.

"Does it hurt?" I asked.