I sometimes wonder how I discovered my love for that special intoxicating mix of jealousy and arousal. Then I remember Laura. I met her sophomore year. She was energetic. Her green eyes and big smile always caught my attention. She bonded with the guys in the hall naturally.
That year was an adjustment for me. I had returned sober after an administratively dictated semester off. There was a circle of friends in her hall that I fell in with. We stayed up all hours playing Risk and would only pause at 3 am for runs to the diner.
Soon I was transferred over to their hall in a roommate swap. Sober in a triple with two potheads wasn't ideal. On the other side, my new roommate hadn't loved having to contend with his former roommate and the pills that speckled the floor near his bed.
Hanging out with the guys, Laura would swing into our orbit, sometimes with her bubbly blonde friend Diane. She stood eye to eye with my six feet. Her eyes made it seem like anime was a realistic representation of human facial features.
As a freshman, she'd arrived with a boyfriend, and they carried on long-distance in the typical way. When that faded away and ended, I still didn't think to chase her. Even with my friend Aaron's nudges, I didn't even think of it as a possibility. I was shy, quiet, and the anxiety of regular social interactions made my words catch and stutter. I'd even overheard one of the guys doing an impression. I tried my best to join in with everyone laughing.
Things had changed when summer came. Laura had mentioned she broke up with her boyfriend and started asking me to hang out. First, we went to a movie with a group of friends, then just her and I to a Sublime cover band and the Renaissance fair. I was clueless these were dates.
Laura finally took things into her own hands. She invited me down to go to the Brooklyn Aquarium. We both made the trek down from upstate separately while staying at our respective parent's homes. The aquarium was fun, and we were having a good time.
The lights had gone out as we were leaving, but I thought maybe it was closing time. Then we got to the subway, and it was out too. The energy now was frenetic. The air on the bus was sharp as the chatter of speculation floated and then came crashing in with our greatest fears. Cell phones were out. Most of the landlines people had called from payphones had busy signals.
People had been asking, "Was it another terrorist attack?"
"Was there a threat, and that's why everything was shutting down?"
Once the bus reached the base of the Brooklyn Bridge, the driver announced that it was the end of the route. We'd had to find another way to keep going.
Continuing on foot, the light was faded and the thick August air stuck to our bodies. When we crested the center, the Manhattan skyline lay dark before us, the sun's red bleeding over the edges. Laura pulled me close and kissed me. Awakened, I pulled her back to me and returned the kiss - deep and long.
Eventually, we contacted the outside world, discovered there was no terrorist attack and found her friends to stay with uptown. The city came alive with a widespread party reminiscent of a snow day in High school. Trumpets and other instruments piled into the walk uptown, shouting could be heard from the rooftops where people had gathered drinking. It was a wild sight.
At her friend's apartment, we were led up narrow stairs by candlelight. I remember sleeping snuggled even in the oppressive heat.
It was probably a month later when the Fall Semester had started, that we had sex. We were playing Halo competitively, and she rolled over and pounced me. I was so excited; it had been two years, and the memory is a blur thinking back on it. Our mouths pressed together, kissing deeply, we shed our clothes quickly. I vividly remember licking and kissing her slim body, sucking on her small pert breasts, and then going down on her.
Even then, I'd loved pleasing with my tongue. Laura was only my second. I savored the folds of her lips in my mouth, the taste of her when I penetrated her with my tongue, and welcomed the bliss of bringing her pleasure when I heard her moans as I flicked her sensitive nub. Her moans grew louder as I fingered her, and even now, the sensation of her wetness dripping down my face makes me stir. When her thighs squeezed my head and her back arched, I knew she was coming for me. A wave of satisfaction crashed through me at having pleasured her.
I grabbed a condom, excited to feel the pleasure of sliding inside her. I crawled over her missionary and penetrated her slowly. The sensation was so intense, I tried going slowly and knew it was already no use and sped up quickly, already cumming. The condom looked like the first breath blowing up a balloon.
Once she was out the door, I felt the drop. Her body was not glowing with perspiration from long, vigorous satisfying sex. We kissed and talked a little more, then played another round or two of Halo before she said she'd have to go. The loneliness was compounded by the insecurity of knowing I'd made an abysmal showing. The week went on, and we were in communication over AIM. I was hopeful at a shot at redemption. She wouldn't really confirm anything and said she wanted to go to a party Friday night, but we might be able to hang out Saturday.
Friday night came, and I was antsy, unsettled I tried playing some Xbox, but that only lasted a few minutes, tried reading, and I couldn't make it through a paragraph, watched some porn, but my head kept cycling through the previous weekend with Laura. Had she lost interest because I'd been so quick? Finally fell asleep watching some tv.
My phone rang at 2 am. I was sleepy and confused.
"Hello?"
"Hey," Laura replied
"Everything ok?" I was a bit worried about the unexpected call.
"Yeah, everything is good. But uhm, first I want to tell you something. I kissed someone else tonight.. and well needed to make sure you know we weren't exclusive or anything. Like I'm not ready to jump back into a relationship."
Suddenly I was fully awake. I felt an unfamiliar icy grip around my guy and hear as my pulse jumped from idle to redline.
"Yeah, I mean, we didn't talk about being exclusive, and I understand."
"Oh good, I was worried you'd get jealous. Also, do you think I could come to stay with you tonight? Diane is with Ray, and I def can't drive."
"Yeah, come on over,"
I was excited, hopeful at redemption, and awakened by hearing about her kiss.
When she arrived at my door, her eyes looked slightly glazed, and her hair was tangled and frizzy. I moved in for a kiss. She dodged me.
"I've been drinking some... you shouldn't kiss me."
"It's ok,"
"Are you sure?" There was a note of hesitation in her voice that didn't register with me in the moment.
To answer, I leaned in and kissed her deeply. I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her closer, our tongues dancing in her mouth.
