I sat in the plush, leather chair inside the English Office suite in the Mistgee Building, waiting for my 3:30 appointment with Prof. Wagner. The office lobby was warm and inviting, with dark cherry furniture, and a beautiful view of the Lake close to our scenic school. Across the room sat an unguarded Keurig supplied with free, high quality coffee from a local roaster and café, and all the creamers and sugar a poor student could desire to throw in their bag.
I would have been very cozy waiting there, were it not for the butterflies in my stomach and the pounding in my head. My last interaction with Prof. Wagner left me hungry, confused, nervous, aroused, and more curious than I, the book nerd since kindergarten, had ever been.
A few quiet moments passed as I fidgeted on the seat and flipped through pamphlets on the side table. Pictures of happy students and our wine red, castle shaped insignia surrounded the text that listed the joys of becoming a literature major, reasons why one should attend Swinburne University, and campus activities to do in one's spare time. I smirked, thinking they forgot to mention one very compelling reason- Prof. Wagner's attentions.
The door opened and he stepped out, saying goodbye to a quiet, dark-haired boy who was clutching a book. "Good luck on the capstone, Thomas! I'll see you soon." The boy nodded and swiftly left. I swallowed, and the Professor waved me in.
"Good Afternoon, Ms. Rosen."
"Hello Sir."
"Please, have a seat." He motioned towards two red, stiff backed chairs with cushions in the back and seat. I pulled my dress further down my thigh and settled in. I reminded myself to cross my ankles, sit up straight, and breath as I stared at the papers littered across his desk. I heard the door close and knew he was moving around the room. When I looked up he offered me a mug and a plate full of cookies.
"Earl Grey and Snickerdoodles, take them. I always keep snacks in my office for long days."
Though it was more of a command than an offer, I was glad for the tea, which I wanted but would have been too shy to accept if given the choice.
"Thank you." He offered me cream and sugar, so I took a spade shaped cube. Then he sat at his chair.
"So, first, I must apologize for my behavior at our last class meeting. I was much too forward, and honestly what I did with you in that classroom was inappropriate, unprofessional and put you in an unfair position. I want you to know that I am deeply sorry. And if you don't want that kind of relationship with me, I will never approach you like that again. If you want to report me, I will not fight you. If you're angry at me, or intimidated, or uncomfortable, please tell me what I can do to fix our problem." His hazel eyes looked directly and softly into mine.
"I..." I wondered if I should accept his apology and walk out, if what happened was a one-off thing and this was his kind dismissal. But I looked down at his soft, strong hands on the desk with their dappled freckles, and at his crisp shirt and handsome jaw, and somehow found myself saying "I don't want an apology. I want more."
His velvety lips broke into a wide smile. He lifted his mug to his face to conceal some of his pleasure.
"Then I'm glad to continue our arrangement, Pet. I was afraid that I had come on much too strong, and knew if you turned me down we would have to transfer you to another course. Continuing to teach you would have been too great a temptation. I feel the way your eyes fix on me when you think I'm not looking at you. And I find you irresistible."
My thighs felt that familiar tingling sensation and my stomach lifted like I was plunging down the Red Dragon roller coaster at the local amusement park. I gulped and tried to find words, but just blushed, smiled and lifted my tea to my dry throat, feeling stupid and stiff.
"That being said, we should discuss our boundaries and desires before we go much further."
"Yes, I'd like that." I nodded politely, though my libido was screaming "I don't care what you do, just take me!"
"I want you to know that if you are uncomfortable with this at any time, you can tell me, you can stop what we are doing in the moment, or you can end this relationship. You are not powerless. Your feelings and thoughts matter, and you should always share them with me, especially if something doesn't feel right. Understood?"
"Yes, Sir." His genuine concern was comforting, and I relaxed a little in my seat.
"Very good." Folding his hands, he asked "is there anything you absolutely don't want to do?"
"Well, what do you mean?" I knew what he was asking, but needed to make sure before risking embarrassing myself with an obscene answer.