Club Big

I used to work at this software company in Massachusetts, let's call it Intertrode. It was about 6 years ago that I left, but I still keep in touch with a lot of the guys there. This one guy – a Russian programmer named Alex – is kind of a tool, but he's an alright guy. He's always writing me about all this crazy crap he gets himself into.

Well, I got this email from him the other day, and I just couldn't believe it. It must have taken me ten minutes to read the damn thing I was so paralyzed with disbelief. I'm just sitting in my cubicle, staring at this story he sent me, stunned and hoping to God it didn't set off the email firewall. And then, as if this isn't enough, my inbox rings again... but first let me show you what he wrote:

From: "Kamanetz, Alex. \\(AKAMANETZ\\)"

To: "c_lyle"

Subject: CRAZY week

Date: Sat, 17 Aug 2008 16:00:26 -0400

MIME-Version: 1.0

Content-Type: text/plain

Dude, do I have a story about last week. Do you remember when you were leaving that Andy was talking about opening up an international sales group? Now that asshole is fucking flying all over the world trying to sell shit and going on "site visits" for these important customers and whatever. But a few months ago he made this big sale to this company in Latvia, and he figured that I speak Russian so I could go and do the install with Brandon.

It turns out they don't even want to talk to me in Russian anyhow, but me and Brandon get the thing set up after about 3 days. It takes us forever because they've got this crazy network set up with like dozens of home-office routers all nailed to a board in the basement of their ancient building, with just miles of cable everywhere. It was nuts.

But Thursday night after we were done, our cab driver back to the hotel asks us if we want to go see them play Double Down. He couldn't speak English for shit, so I ask him what he's talking about in Russian. But he just says to me and Brandon "Go to Club Big, tonight they do the Double Down. Beautiful girls, beautiful girls. They do great things." And he give us this eyebrow thing, and he smiles at us with like 5 teeth.

Let me just say that the girls in Latvia are hot. Hottt. And there are prostitutes everywhere, and they're all hot.

So, we ate some dinner and started talking about what we were going to do the next day. We're supposed to fly out in two more days, but since everything is done maybe we just don't go in the next day. So we drank some, and drank some more. Vodka's like a dollar a bottle, and we were drinking it out of big glasses. I don't know how, but I think we drank two bottles and left half of a third one on the table. Brandon's a pretty big guy. I think that's when we decided to go to Club Big. The first car we flagged down knew exactly where it was, before we knew we were inside.

At first it looks like a regular club, right, but with a stage up front for bands or whatever. Only there's no band, just a guy with a microphone. And there's two chairs. I feel kinda like I'm sobering up, so I go to the bar and order a couple beers, and I ask what the show is about. He tells me it's a game.

Two girls are supposed to volunteer from the audience, and there's a bunch of rounds. Whoever loses a round has to decide whether they give up and lose, or they "double down" and go on to the next round. The winner gets some kind of prize, and the loser gets some kind of punishment. That's all I got, because it was loud and the guy's Russian was crappy. But then the game started.

So the Emcee calls out to the audience for girls, and everybody starts screaming. There seems to be a lot of hookers there, but whatever. The guy picks a couple girls from the front and he tells us that they're going to have a strip tease contest, and that the loser is going to have to flash her tits. It was awesome. They're each dancing there, taking off like their scarves and their shirts and whatever, and the get down to their underwear and the crowd's screaming. One of them can't dance and all, so the guy tells her that he's real sorry and asks her if she wants to flash the crowd. Well, of course she says "no." So he asks her if she want to "double down", and she says ok.

So the strip tease is over, and he pulls out this double sided dildo. The emcee tells everybody that the girl who takes the most of it down her throat wins, and the girl who loses gets her bare ass spanked. I was like "whoa"!

The girl who lost is looking at the thing like it's the craziest thing she's ever seen. The other girl looks like a pro, so she takes this thing and she throws back her head and slides it like 10 inches down her throat! Then they turn to the second girl and she doesn't even want to put it in her mouth at all. The emcee rolls out this sawhorse with cuffs at the bottom, and takes out a paddle! So there's some sort of shuffling up there, and the winning girl is trying to explain to the losing girl that she's either going to have to get spanked or keep playing, and that the rounds are going to get worse and worse, and that she should just quit and get spanked. By now I've pushed myself all the way to the front of the crowd. I think I left two beers on the bar, I didn't even care.

So the girl agrees to get spanked and they cuff her ankles in on one side, and bend her over and cuff her wrists on the other. The winning girl takes the paddle and she's like doing her victory dance as the Emcee undoes the other girl's pants and pulls them down to her knees. She's bent over and I can see her little hairy twat sticking out between her legs. She's grunting and trying to turn her head to look at what's going on. The emcee gets on the mic and says that since she was such a good sport, she's only going to get ten whacks. I don't think she was happy about that, but whatever. The girl with the paddle starts going at her ass, and the whole bar is counting. By about 5 she was red as hell, and I could tell that the girl was trying to paddle her right on the pussy. I'm right there, and by 10 there were like tears rolling up her forehead. When they were done she was rubbing her face and she didn't even want the free drinks they were giving her.

The guy next to me starts to tell me about the game, he says they didn't even get halfway through. The next round they were going to make them sit on a big triangle of wood with the point right in their pussy, and whichever one gives up sooner has to serve drinks topless for the rest of the night. If she doesn't want to do that, the next contest is like a jack-off race! They pick guys from the audience, and the girls race to see which one can get their guy to cum first! The guy says these girls are mostly hookers who the club pays to do this, but sometimes other drunk girls or tourists who don't understand what's going on get volunteered, like this first girl.

oh my god though, I didn't even get to the best part. I told you this was crazy, right? Well, if the girl loses the jackoff race, well then she's in real trouble. They have this stockade, right, where her head and her hands stick through a wall, and the rest of her body is sticking out the other side. THEY STRIP HER NAKED AND CHARGE 10 LATS FOR YOU TO FUCK HER! You go in this room and her body is sticking out and you just fuck her! And they keep playing this game, and if the stockade is full, there's another thing for the next girl where they have this gag they put in her mouth, like a rubber tube that keeps her mouth open, and they strap it to her head and tie it to a wall with a hole in it, and you stick your dick in the hole in the wall and you're fucking her right in the mouth.

There were even some other guys from Intertrode there. That girl Alice got signed up to go on stage too. I KNEW she was a slut! She was great. She did the striptease thing, and the deepthroat thing. The other girl was really starting to look worried that she was going to lose the whole thing. Even the wooden board thing Alice was great at. They sat the girls facing each other straddling this sharp looking board, and cuffed their hands behind their backs and lifted it off the ground so their legs were hanging. Alice was just straddling the thing staring down the prostitute she was playing against. You'd think that a hooker's pussy would be able to stand up to anything, but Alice started jumping up and down on the board and making it wiggle, and that's when the other girl started to scream and they took her down.

But I don't know if Alice knew it was the last round, or what, because when they pulled those guys out of the audience to do the handjob race, she was just standing there. I was trying to yell up to the stage but she couldn't hear me or something. So the other girl won, and they pulled out this head harness thing and put it on Alice. It went over her whole head, and had this round hole in the front that went in her mouth. Man, I think they strapped her to the hole in the wall! I think she was the one giving blowjobs for the rest of the night! Imagine that, getting strapped into a hole in a wall and just having cock shoved through into your mouth all night? Man, she's never going to forget Latvia.

Oh man, we've got to go back. They started to play another round, but I started drinking with this other guy and his friends and it started to get really busy, so after a while I left. I couldn't find Brandon anyplace, but he knew how to get back so I just took my own cab home.

So what's been going on with you? You know, if you want over the summer my aunt has an apartment she doesn't use in Latvia. We could go over there. There's only one bedroom, but I could go sleep on the couch or something. Let me know.

- Alex

I seriously don't think Alex has ever written anything as long as that email in his whole life. I worked with him for 4 years, and he turned in User Manuals shorter than that email. Still, I was pretty damn turned on thinking of those girls in the game. I can totally imagine some poor tourist getting signed up for this thing by her drunk friends thinking it's just a strip tease contest. Then, when she loses and doesn't want to flash her tits, she finds herself in a deepthroat contest! And if she doesn't want to bare her ass, she has to get on a wooden pony? Then if she loses that she's locked in a stock and gets fucked? Like I said, I was getting pretty turned on, but nothing prepared me for the next email.

From: "Willitz, Brandon. \\(BWILLITZ\\)"

To: c_lyle

Subject: I don't even know how to tell this story.

Date: Sat, 17 Aug 2008 16:25:33 -0400

MIME-Version: 1.0

Content-Type: text/plain

Man, Chaz . . . I don't know how to tell you this. If Alex asks you to go to Latvia with him, DON'T FUCKING GO.

We went out drinking while we were there last week at the weirdest strip club ever. They had this contest there where girls would lose handjob races and get their bare asses spanked on stage. I couldn't tell what the hell was going on most of the night, but Alex made some friends there, let me tell you.

You know the funniest thing. I think some of the sales team from Intertrode were there. There was this girl who looked like Alice, and she got up on stage and she was playing this game. First she was doing some strip tease, and then she took a dildo down her throat in front of everybody! She was doing great, the crowd loved her. Then I don't know what was going on, but her and this other girl were sitting straddling this bench thing with their legs hanging down and their hands tied behind their backs until the other girl started to cry and they took her down. Don't ask me what happened next, but then two guys got up on stage and the crying girl gave one of them a handjob. I think they wanted Alice to give the other guy a handjob too, but she just stood there laughing at him with his cock out. I was going to go talk to her, but I couldn't find Alice after that.

That's nothing though, after that they had these two prostitutes doing the same things. One of them was so amazingly hot, long blond hair. Wow. She did the strip tease thing too, and the dildo deepthroat. Then she and this other girl were giving two guys from the audience handjobs, but the other girl won. I followed them when they led her off the stage, they took her into what I thought was the men's room – there was a big line of guys. The led her in and in the room there was a sort of hole in the wall out to the main room. They stripped her naked and put her head and her hands through, and locked another board over it so just her body was in the room. Just her head and hands were on the other side of the wall. I think that they were changing the guys to fuck her, because I went back around the wall to the other side, and I could see her grimacing and lurching forward like somebody was railing her from behind. She'd get like a minute of fucking, then she'd stop, and a few seconds later it would start again. It was funny as hell.

Hey, don't tell anybody I told you this, but they had this other thing where there was a hole in the wall and a girl on the other side was giving blowjobs if you paid the club bouncer like 10 bucks. It was just a hole in the wall about 4 inches across, and if you looked in you could see this girl's tongue but her teeth were on the outside of some kind of bite guard so she couldn't bite you. She couldn't see you and you couldn't see her. You just put your dick in and she sucked you off. I don't know, but I think they had her head strapped to the other side. I was shoving it in there pretty deep and she wasn't backing off. All I heard was like "glllllll!" "gllllll!" Seriously man, don't tell anybody.

Well, I was pretty drunk, but Alex was really in the bag. I lost him for a while, but when I found him again he was right up by the stage drinking with this group of guys and he was totally out of his mind wasted. He kept saying to me, "next up, me and you. next up me and you" and pointing to the stage. I don't know what they were talking about in Russian, but then some other guy came up to him and then they were getting in line to go up on stage! He was giggling and laughing and all he kept saying was "I'm gonna lose. Man, I gonna totally lose." I didn't want to think about it at the time, but I think he was trying to get himself strapped into the wall. I couldn't handle it, so I just got a cab home. He didn't say anything to me on the flight back or at work this morning. I'm just avoiding him.

So, what do you think of that?