-Dr Isabella Pacetti's Notes:
To recap: Katy continues to be desperate for pain and sexual release, all of which Sophie has been denying her. Meanwhile, Sophie has spent the evening making love to a woman she has just met (by which, I'm afraid, I mean me). This relatively normal experience has highlighted to Sophie how dark and demeaning her relationship is with Katy.
Once again, for personal reasons, I am compelled to assure readers that all of the participants on the following events are consenting adults: intelligent women, actively pursuing their desires.
-Sophie's Statement:
Walking alone through the night, I should have felt nervous and vulnerable, but my elation made me fearless. My body was still warm and moist, and hardly cooling at all in the warm air, and my clothes clung to me disgracefully. Wonderful images from the evening flickered in my memory, and turned me on. My favourite image was of la dottoressa in her jacket and knickers and black stockings, crawling behind me as I stripped. I didn't want her to crawl, she was too dignified, and yet... to see it was electrifying.
Every step that took me away from her house was an effort. I knew I could go back there and do it all again, right now, and Bella would eagerly welcome me. But I did have to work in the morning. And, more importantly, I wanted her to know I was strong willed.
Just as I wanted Katy to know I was strong willed.
And there was the problem: I was painfully aware that my theatrical dominance over Katy was an aspect of the same urge to control my encounter with Bella. And, of course, they both invited it, each in her own way. It felt tawdry. Katy's degradation demeaned Bella, and Bella's quiet dignity made Katy seem all the more degraded.
And in spite of my assurances, my instinct was to dominate Bella, to tease her and exploit her lack of confidence. But unlike Katy, Bella was strong and intelligent and would not be dominated the same way, which only made it more thrilling. And yet my instinct remained. I wondered, with a pang of anxiety, whether that was the only kind relationship I was capable of.
Suddenly I felt tired and weak and confused and I wondered if my feelings for Bella were just as sordid as my relationship with Katy. I arrived at Mrs Alderney's front door, unlocked it, and wearily pushed it open.
In the dark hallway I nearly tripped over Katy, who was curled up beside the mat. She flinched, shuffled away a little and arranged herself in some sort of 'worship' pose. She was wearing her t-shirt night dress.
"What the hell are you doing?" I hissed. At that moment I was annoyed by the mere thought of the girl, never mind the sight of her. My feelings of confusion transformed (with guilty familiarity) into anger.
"Waifing for you," came the meek and muffled reply. She was still wearing her fucking knickers as a gag.
"Oh Christ, you've been there all evening?"
"Moft of it."
"What's the matter with you?" I spat. "Why can't you give it a rest, hm? I've just come back from a beautiful evening with a real person. A real, beautiful, intelligent, dignified woman. And I have to come home to this nonsense."
Katy knelt up, tearful eyes gazing upwards, mouth stretched by her gag.
"I'm forry, Goddeff, I waf trying to earn..."
"Just shut up, will you? 'Goddess'? For fuck's sake. Don't you understand I don't want to play silly games with you? I could do without you altogether right now."
I expected her face to crumple into tears, but it just flushed and her fingers twisted together.
"I'm forry..."
"And take that shit out of your mouth..." I wanted to stop, but I couldn't find a shred of kindness for the pathetic creature in front of me, only anger. The whole situation felt creepy. "If you're a grown up, act like it. If you're a child, go to your room."
Katy's face looked suddenly intelligent and profoundly ashamed. She fumbled with the knot at the back of her head, and as she failed to untie it she became frantic and embarrassed and she began to cry. Not the usual abandoned sobs of submissive release, but something suppressed, frustrated and bitter. She turned and ran up the stairs, still clutching the back of her head, but no longer trying to remove her gag.
I clasped my hands to my eyes, hating myself. What had just happened? How had I let her irritate me so much by doing so little?
I heard footsteps and looked up. Mrs Alderney was descending the stairs, wrapped tightly in a dressing gown with slippers on her feet. She wore her glasses and her hair was pulled back, but was not as carefully styled as usual. Her face was still made up. The anger in me made me think 'Do you never take off your costume?'
"What's going on?" she asked. Her voice was like a knife.
I sighed. "I don't want to discuss it. I'll go and talk to her."
"No. I'll talk to her, and you will explain yourself to me. And don't try to look affronted. I warned you that I would intervene if you hurt her. The worst of it is that you knew damn well that you were hurting her."
"I don't have to justify myself to you," I said, knowing this was nonsense. It was nothing more than an expression of defiance. Mrs Alderney didn't give it a moment's respect.
"Don't be stupid. The simple fact is that you were emotional and you lost your temper. You actually bullied an entirely helpless creature. For such a monstrous control freak you lose it pretty fucking easily."
I was stunned by the language and the disturbing insight.
"I mean what actually happened here? You're not going to tell me this was a considered response to her behaviour, are you? So somehow this wretched creature reduced you to spiteful bitching. Who's in charge?"
Mrs Alderney was standing rigid, with her fists clenched, eyes blazing with rage, but there was something less definable in her manner, which I was too shocked to analyse.
"Obviously I'm in charge," I said in carefully controlled tones. "It was a mistake. I'm not perfect."
"Yes you are!" Mrs Alderney shouted. "To her you're perfect! You're a Goddess, yes? Or do you think she'd lie to you? A Goddess. And you can beat her, humiliate her and command her to do the most degrading things. But in return you must be her perfect Goddess. So if she gets under your feet you trample her into the floorboards. If she speaks out of turn you gag her. Punish her brutally for the slightest mistake, or for making no mistakes But never stop being her Goddess and never tell her she's stupid for being devoted to you, because that is all she has!"
She became calmer and spoke quietly again.
"Let me be clear," she said, stepping close and fixing her green eyes on my face. "This will not happen again. I will speak to Katy now. Tomorrow you will speak to her and you will say one of two things. You will either say that you no longer own her and you will never touch her again. Or you will apologise and make it clear that she is safe and secure and that you intend to take care of her. Do you understand?"
I wanted to fight, but I had nothing. I knew Mrs Alderney was right. I scowled and nodded.
"I expect all of that was true, yes? About the 'real' woman you've met?"
"That's none of your business," I said, finding something to hang my anger on.
"Grow up. Of course it is."
