BOOK ONE
"Mrs. Martin"
Part I
My right leg had a mind of its own.
Rebecca frowned. "Why you keep bouncing like that? What's wrong with you?"
"Um, I ... I ... nothing."
"Bullshit, nothing. Something's up; you been acting weird ever since we got back from Paris. What the hell's going on, Chris?"
I balled my fists. Clenched my jaw. Closed my eyes. Drew a breath.
Took the plunge.
"Okay. Okay. It's just ... well, now that we're talking about moving in together, I just think we need to be honest with each other. And I ... well, I haven't told you everything about myself."
"Uh oh. Do I want to hear this?"
I sucked in more air but couldn't exhale.
"What, Chris? What ain't you told me?"
Gulp.
"Um, yeah ... so ... I ... I have this fantasy. Well, it's not really a fantasy; it's more like a ... need. It's a need ... for some reason, and I don't understand why, but I need to have a woman treat me like a slave ... for her to ... um, dress me up in ... in women's clothes and ... and treat me like ... like a ... a sissy. It's weird, I know, but it's something I've wanted since I can remember."
My pulse jackhammered my jugular. The thumping was the only sound until, finally, Rebecca made her chair creak by crossing her legs.
"Chris ... honey, I'm sorry, but that ain't ... I don't ... I don't want that, Chris. I mean, I ain't putting you down if that's your thing, but it ... well, it ain't my thing. At all. I do appreciate you telling me all this before I gave up the lease. Now ... I guess ... well, I guess we can move on ... with no strings or nothing."
My eyes welled. "Are you saying ... are ... are you breaking up with me?"
"Well, I don't see how we can stay together. Do you?" Tears filled her eyes, too. "I'm sorry, but a man dressed like a woman just don't turn me on, Chris. It's bad enoughβ" She halted mid-sentence and looked at her hands.
"What? It's bad enough what? That I'm 5'6? That I'm shorter than you?"
Rebecca sighed. "Well, I wasn't gonna say it, but if you want to go there, Chris, yeah. I mean, no offense, but I get a little tired of never wearing heels when I dress up because I don't want to tower over my date."
"I-I'm sorry. I told you: I could wear elevator shoes."
"And what? That would make me only an inch taller than you in heels? Besides, that ain't the point, Chris. It ain't about how tall you are; I like masculine men β not guys who wear girl's clothes. And I want to be in a relationship with a man, not someone I treat like a slave. I don't find anything sexy about that at all. No offense, but I just don't."
"I'm ... I'm so sorry."
She exhaled. "Well, I guess this does explain why you're always so helpful. I never met a man who volunteered to clean my apartment like you did. I get it now. That's your thing. You were probably fantasizing about wearing women's clothes while you were cleaning. And me treating you like a slave. Weren't you?"
"I ... uh ..."
"Tell the truth."
"Okay. Yes. I was. I ... I'm sorry."
"Well, Chris, I'm sorry, too. I really am. And, again, I do want to say thank you for telling me all this before we moved in together. I really appreciate that. A lot of guys would've waited and then sprung it on me afterward, hoping to get me to go along. That says a lot about you, Chris, and the kind of person you are. You're sweet. Considerate. That's what attracted me to you in the first place. So, I'm hoping we can still be friends. Okay?"
My head fell to my chest and I started bawling. She placed her hand on my ear.
"Don't be like that, Chris. I'm sad, too. Look, we had some good times together. You took me to some cool places I'd have never been able to afford, and I really appreciate it. Paris was frigging awesome. But ... I don't know, this just wasn't meant to be. Why don't we just walk away on a positive note? Okay?"
I sniffled. "Okay. I'm sorry. It's my fault. I'm the one who's ... a pervert."
"Oh, come on, honey. That's not true. Everyone has their thing; it just ain't my thing, that's all. You're not a pervert. You're just ... different."
"Well, I'm sorry I'm not the man you need me to be, Rebecca. I really am. I really do love you very much."
"Oh, Chris, you're such a doll. There's love on this end, too, but ... honey, I'm sorry β it just ain't gonna work. It just ain't. Don't take it too hard, Chris, okay? You'll find someone else. We both will. It'll work out somehow. Watch and see."
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The Cubs were trailing the Cardinals, 1-0 with two on and two out in the bottom of the ninth when the phone rang. I saw the name on the caller ID and forgot all about the stupid game.
"'Lo?"
"Hello, Chris? It's Rebecca."
"Rebecca?! Hey, how you been?"
"I'm fine. You?"
"Great. OMG, it's so good to hear from you after all this time. Uh, what's ... what's going on?"
"Listen, Chris, can we meet for drinks?
"Of course. Hey, is everything okay?"
"I'm fine. Let's talk about it when we meet, okay?"
"Um, sure. When you want to meet?"
"Tonight's fine if you're free."
"Sure, I'm not doing anything."
"Great. Meet you at O'Hara's at 8."
She hung up.
I couldn't breathe.
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The light filtering through the tavern window gave her hair a sparkle, making it easy to spot her as soon as I walked in the door.
As I approached her booth she stood and had to lean down a bit to hug me. It sent a familiar shiver of shame through my spine.
"You look good." She sat back down.
"Thanks, you're ... beautiful as always."
"Have a seat, Chris."
I scooted into the booth across from her. She smiled.
"So, Chris, you dating anyone?"
"Uh ... no. Not right now. Um ... er, how about you?"