William waited for the guys to leave before standing. Then, he pulled out Jessica's chair and reached down to lift her, but she held her hands to stop him.
"William, I would like to walk. Please," Jessica said because she was scared of having both of these conversations with him.
On the one hand, he could be like all the rest and say she is too much or she was just what he wanted. In the second conversation, he could tell that her dream was unrealistic and no one would like to do that with her, or he could be down for it and want to explore that with her. She was prepping for the worst-case scenario; she wanted to be sure she could still stand on her own two feet afterward.
"Sure thing, little fox; where would you feel most comfortable for our talk?" He asked.
"Let's go to the library since I know no one will bother us there," Jessica said as she started to crutch over there.
William would instead carry her, but he could feel that she needed to do this to build up her courage. Wow, he thought, this little fox has no idea how amazing she is.
Jessica entered the library, and William closed the doors behind them. She breathed the familiar scent of leather, wood, and lemon, which became her favorite mixture. She went to a leather couch and sat down, propping her foot on the stool.
William walks over to the fireplace and starts a fire that warms the space just enough. "Ok, little fox, can I lay down some ground rules for talk time?" William asks.
Jessica looks at him and replies, "Yes."
William says, "Ok, I know this is not a conversation you want to have, but I respect your willingness to share. First, if I have a question, you will answer me honestly, and I will do the same. Secondly, if you need a break, call out a safe word. What would you like the safe work to be?"
Jessica nods in response and says, "Alas, can be the safeword which means I need space; please stop."
William nods saying, "I understand. Please begin."
Jessica looks around the room and grabs a green velvet pillow. Since velvet is one of her favorite textures, it will help soothe her as she tells her story.
She takes a deep breath and begins, "Ok, here it is. Growing up, I was always different. I was tall, fat, not intelligent, and slow with my reactions. All of these factors caused me to get made fun of a lot growing up. I was diagnosed with ADD and Dyslexia. I had issues with my speech because I couldn't understand how to say words. Hooked on Phonics did not work for me and my disabilities." she said with a half-hearted chuckle, "I had to be bused to a different school to learn how to learn. I was on heavy meds that made me lose my appetite, and I felt like an ugly spot on a perfect wall."
Continuing, she said, "With all that in mind, I was bullied because I was different. I let the words others say to hurt me so much that I started to believe them. What people say about me, even today plays a massive role in how I see myself." Tears begin to form in her eyes, but she holds them back.
"I struggle with thinking someone is going to leave because being friends with me is too hard, and in the same way having a Dom, he will think I am too much, as others have said. Even with friends, I don't want to be a burden, so when I'm struggling, I would rather just be silent than ask for help." A tear escapes her eyes, and she quickly wipes it away, fogging her glasses.
"I have nightmares of people dying or leaving me. They scare me a lot, and I rarely sleep through the night. So last night was one of my best nights in a long time." Jessica grips the pillow as if it is the only thing keeping her in place.
" I think that's what I am comfortable sharing at this time. Any questions?" Jessica asked.
William processes what he just heard from Jessica. He wants to start solving her issues but knows that, at this point, it would not be helpful to her. So instead, to get her, he wants to help her work through the problems.
William asks, "So when you drift off, what is going on in your mind?"
Jessica pets the pillow and says, "Currently, I shouldn't get my hopes up, and that someone more pretty is going to come along, and I will be thrown away like garbage, and yes, I know you see me as treasure and not trash, but my mind still says I am trash. And then I think I am not worthy of having a good Dom."
"Ok, little fox, is there anything I can start to do to help reassure you of my desire for you?" William asked.
"You just being near helps a lot, like when we sit next to each other, and some part of you is touching me. Also, tell me why you care, even if it sounds like a broken record." Jessica responded.
"Good to know. Also, do you like it when I call you little fox, and what other endearments am I allowed? I have wanted to call you a Good Girl but held back because we had not discussed that. Also, I long to hear you call me Daddy." William says.
Jessica smiles, looking at the pillow, and then lifts her eyes to look at William, saying, "I like it when you call me little fox; it makes me feel small, which for my size means a lot. So you calling me "little" makes me happy."
"William, I really would like to call you Daddy and have you call me a Good Girl, but I am not ready yet. We just met, and while I find you very attractive, I know I need to slow down, but I don't know just yet." She said, grabbing the pillow tight.
