Change Can Surprise You

Change Can Surprise You, Part 1: The Build Up

Wow! It's been awhile...a lot has changed, where did I leave off? Oh yes, Jake... By now I should be knees deeps in mommy life with a toddler attached to my hip and another bun in the oven, as they say. Well, that couldn't be further from the truth. We didn't survive after all, but not for the reasons you are probably thinking. I had to leave my two bedroom flat in Hell's Kitchen because my parent's were in a fatal car accident and my twin brother and sister who were 20 years younger than me were left parentless. I was left parentless and was forced to move 285 miles up north to become their pseudo parent. Why would my parents ever have more children after raising a healthy, successful and well-adjusted child (me), let alone have children again 20 years later? I guess just to leave behind 2 young adult fledglings to fend for themselves. Why couldn't they go live with our childless aunt along the lake, the one I was renting the flat in NYC from? She got divorced, remarried and moved to Colorado about 6 years ago, that's why. Jake was invited to uproot his life and help raise my siblings with me but his online security company was expanding and he was given an opportunity to move to California to oversee the growth of its sister company there.

I was suddenly turning 36, childless, jobless, boyfriendless and somehow the legal guardian of two 16 year old twins. My sex life was over! Forever! Maybe I was being a tad dramatic but as far as I could see it, I was saddled with the responsibility of overseeing the graduation and entry into adulthood of two traumatized, isolated, country bumpkins with a whole lot of discouragement and very little hope left on their side. In a matter of two days, I had been demoted from the chill, big city-dwelling aunty to a bitchy, two-faced "you're-not-mom' with absolutely zero experience and not one clue what to do first. So this gave me the crazy idea to apply for massage school, mainly because I could complete a 9 month accelerated training program and I would use 16k of the life insurance policy money our parents left us. It was to be split up in 4 ways: 1/3 to each of the deceased's children on the beneficiary paperwork and 1/4 for the guardian who would be responsible for any of those beneficiaries under the age of 21. That was the end of the twins' sophomore year and the year my sex life was buried in the ground along with my departed parents.

Maybe I had been in shock, but all I could think about was my life in New York City--why was this happening to me? Massage school helped me to shed the selfish pining and focus on the now. It saved me from despising my siblings, to say the least, after all, it was not their fault our parents decided to die. Of course I was in mourning but which did I mourn for more: my old life or my parents? Regardless, I could not lament for too long and resenting anyone wasn't going to change the circumstances, so I willingly sucked it up and accepted this new life. Maybe I could find solace in the new professional endeavor I had chosen? Massage: the art of healing touch by listening to the body, feeling what the body is saying and learning to respond appropriately to what the body needs in that given moment. I planned on becoming the best massage therapist that "city" had ever seen.

Some time has passed by and I still can't fathom that the twins are graduating this coming June! I opened up a massage business 25 minutes south of the country home my parents inescapably left me to care for. I bought the twins a car to share, strictly for driving to school and local driving only. Our parents were in a fatal car crash don't forget. My parents gave the twins a 10 o'clock curfew, the same curfew I was given years before, but I warily adjusted it to 11:00 pm as we live in the time of cellphones and they are now 18 years old. Only on weekends do I let them stay out an hour longer or spend the night at friend's houses. It helps that Kurt and Allison are pretty much inseparable so much that Allison convinced her brother to quit football and join the cheer squad when her team's best male base broke both his leg and arm while long boarding right before school started.

Kurt got a lot of shit for "switching sides" but he handled it well and confessed to me he really enjoys it and is dating two cheerleaders from the squad at the same time and it is no secret! I'd say the kids are doing pretty well for having the rug pulled from underneath their feet two years ago. As for my life, my sex life, let's just say I understand how couples lose their spark for one another with kids to worry about. I don't think I'm completely doomed just really not interested or preoccupied with more important things right now. However, I have been going out dancing every Thursday night. Sometimes you can catch me out Thursday, Friday and Saturday if my favorite band is playing or there is a rave that has popped up in a mysterious location around town. I try not to stray too far from the twins. I plan on taking them to NYC for New Years this year and just three weeks ago I took them to Toronto to see Taylor Swift in all her glory! I try to give them a normal life but honestly, I don't know exactly what that means but I try.

As a female massage therapist, I get the occasional request from the male client to add-on a special deal. One guy asked what I would do for an extra $600!! Get out of here, douche bag--you've got to buy me dinner first! I know I've been slutty in the past, a hunter on the prowl even, but excuse you--that is not my job and I actually enjoy getting to know a person some because well, it feels better. I miss sex. I miss love. I miss being held and cumming together. I miss my old life but no! I block out any regretful thoughts that muster up every now and then. Central New York is quiet and a tad boring which has tamed me some but I'll admit, I DO NOT MISS the noise. Just recently a guy booked a travel massage for in-office chair. I have a few companies that hire me 3-4 times a year to massage their employees. It's really nice and we all have a fun time as it breaks up the monotony for all of us, including myself. This guy booked an in-office chair massage for just himself and I won't travel to people when I'm paying rent to massage at my office, unless they have physical health issues that prevent them from coming to me. Well that's exactly what the situation turned out to be. When I called him to explain my policy, he confided that he had surgery just two months ago and he really needed someone to travel to him. His physical limitations were not all that limited but he was ordered to take it easy while still recovering. Ok, either I am becoming a softie or he knew how to play on my heart strings, either way, I am packing up my travel chair and loading it into the trunk of my Toyota.

Well that wasn't bad at all. I shared my location with two of my massage buddies but over all my first impression: he's nice. I'm still leery of him because, well, look at him. He's very successful so he must be smart, in great shape (despite the medical hiccup), and handsome. Christ, he has pictures of playboy bunnies all over his office walls! I didn't mention that part--the location he had me go to was not his home; it was his place of employment. He runs a small business with about 8-10 employees in the field of medicine. Hmmm. Let me reiterate the beautiful playboy bunnies on his office walls! She's gorgeous and of course I wondered if that was his girlfriend or wife. It definitely was not his daughter! But why do I care anyway? I don't judge...still I'm curious and that makes me worried. He's booked another massage, this time I will bring my travel table and accessories for better accuracy. I wonder if he is wondering what I think of his choice of displayed artwork? Playboy bunny or not, something about him makes me nervous, like I'm a teenager again, crushing on the untouchable star football player or something. Am I crushing on him? No! Never mind, that's ridiculous. He's a good tipper and I'm just intimidated by how knowledgeable he is.

I showed up and unloaded as he opened the back door that led directly to his office, separate from the main business offices. He immediately grabbed my table--the lightest table I could find, weighing in at 18 lbs but still very boxy to carry, especially for a 5'4" gal like me. Even in his condition, he did the gentlemanly gesture. Hmm. I quickly set up the table and dressed it as I would if we were at my office. The amount of effort I have to put forth to remain professional is killing me. Immediately I feel overwhelmed and intimidated. Is that my heart racing? Ok! What the hell is going on? Never mind, just let it pass. Stay focused, you are here to do a job, Presley--snap out of it! Ok, that's better, yes. Calm and chill, one stroke at a time. Man, he's got some juicy muscles! Oh my god, stop it! Breathe. Ok start again slow and steady, one stroke with my right hand up the back of his leg, followed by my left hand. Yes, like that. Just keep going I'm almost ready to have him flip. Wait but what is this feeling? Oh my! I just got this overpowering sensation that he is going to turn over right now and grab pull me into him.

Oh yes I want that. Please? Take me, yes take me now. Ok. I need to flipping chill--this is crazy! Stop, Presley, what on Earth are you doing? That's the problem, you are not on Earth right now--get yourself together before you embarrass yourself and he'll never book you again because he'll think you are crazy! You are being crazy, so stop! Get it together. Enough...I cannot get enough! I barely made it out of there in one piece. I don't think I can massage him anymore. I have to decide soon whether to end this affiliation or snap out of this giddy, little school-girl behavior. It's one or the other, you cannot have both. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. What would you rather have, anyway? Think of the twins; of your responsibilities! Yeah. I can push all that pining crap aside. I am a professional...but also a sex-crazed, (budding into) "middle aged" woman who has been deprived of love and lust for far too long; by choice, remember? I need to get out of this before it's too late for me! Perhaps it is already too late for me!

END OF PART 1