my life had not been an easy one. now, a mature woman, i found that my heart was once again broken and there seemed no way to repair it. another relationship down the drain, and me left wondering if i was facing a life alone.
i wondered why it seemed as if i could find no one with which to be happy with and my heart ached to find it's mate. someone to complete me as no one had before now. it seemed as if that dream was doomed to be a futile one.
then, He came along. it did not seem like it would go anywhere at first. W/we were friends and nothing more. or so i kept telling myself. He was, at most, a dear friend to me. He was there through the worst of my marriage, and then after it was over. W/we chatted, and He allowed me to cry on His shoulder more than once; it made me feel better, even if it were only His cyber-shoulder that He offered. just knowing that someone was there to listen to me made me feel as if the world was not as dim as i had thought.
this went on for several months, and W/we seemed happy with O/our cyber relationship of brother/sister. a deep friendship begin to grow and happiness peeked into my life once again. still… deep down inside of me, something was growing… something that i refused to admit… something i could not admit even to myself. the situations in His life did not allow me to feel comfortable expressing what i felt inside, and so i hid them. or so i thought.
the feelings, though i would not give voice to them, surfaced time and again as we talked over the internet. i pushed them away. W/we would exchange brotherly kisses and hugs, so i told myself that was all they were. yet, my heart ached for them to be something more. i began to approach Him more and more often for help and 'advice' about things in my life and, if i would have admitted it to myself, i took His advice without question and followed it in total faith knowing it would be correct. slowly, i was depending upon Him though I refused to acknowledge it. At least in my mind, for my heart was beating at the door to tell me how i really felt, even though i refused to open it.
my heart would leap with joy when His name appeared on my screen but i would very rarely be the one to initiate the talk. i couldn't, for it might give hint to both Him and myself just what i was feeling inside.
then, one night, our brotherly/sisterly hugs and kisses went farther. He ran His hands over my body and, somehow, i felt the shivers course down my spine as i sat at the computer, spellbound. it was a long moment before i could type something back. i bit my lip and took a deep breath and my trembling hands typed the words that would launch me into the most beautiful period in my life that i have ever experienced.
on my computer, my own hands and body were encouraging Him as He explored me. Our words met and intertwined as did our mouths and bodies, and our explorations continued. He was strong and loving, and i could barely type for the feelings that ran through me as i read His words, my fingers finding my heated sex, wet with my arousal.
my eyes were glued to the screen and my fingers begin to circle my throbbing clit, faster and faster as His words rang through me. i could not have moved from my seat if i had to. the heat between my legs increased and i took longer and longer to answer as, finally, His descriptions of what He was doing to me pushed me over the edge, and i found myself trembling and moaning as my desire ran across my quickly moving fingers in a wonderful release of liquid. in the end i was breathless and trembling. He asked me if i enjoyed it, and i said yes, not wanting to answer more. For Him, it was enough at least for now.
it progressed from there. sometimes W/we would lapse into passion and sometimes not but never would our relationship be the same. still i would not admit it to Him or to myself. it was not right, i thought, given our situations. besides, nothing would come of it. this i told myself though i never failed to come away from an encounter with Him without wetness covering my thighs and hands.
