Ch 2 The Ground Beneath Her Knees

1

She held Chloe tight, still tasting her, thankful to have her, not wanting to say anything that might disturb the moment. She didn't want to lose the warmth of her body, the wetness that pressed against her thigh, the scent of her hair, her soft lips and clever tongue.

--

A week earlier she'd lain in the same place, alone, after telling Robert she needed some time to think about the control he wanted over her. She'd stripped off the clothes he'd dressed her in, and lay naked on her bed.

Her body still bore the marks of the corset he'd bound her into that morning. She ran her fingers along the lines left by the stays, and under her breasts where it had pushed them upward and out.

With the heel of her hand resting on the slightly sore spot at her pubic bone where the corset had pressed into her any time she bent over, her fingers opened and closed her shaved pussy lips and circled her clit. She thought about being on her knees, bound so tightly she could not breathe deeply, struggling not to choke as he pushed his cock into her throat.

She played gently, not trying to come, letting her mind wander. She realized that she had been in exactly the same position, in exactly the same place, doing exactly the same thing, the last time she'd been with Chloe. She'd been playing with herself as Chloe watched, waiting for the inevitable moment when Chloe's tongue would replace her fingers.

That thought spoiled the moment. She wasn't sure if she'd ever be with Chloe again. The last time they'd been together in this room, she had turned down Chloe's advances and then felt terrible after Chloe left angry and hurt. She felt bad not just for turning her down, but for being so excited by saying, "I'm not allowed."

It still got her going like that, to think of being his property, of needing his permission to enjoy herself or be enjoyed by someone else. It made her entire body tingle to think about. But was she really going to make herself feel good by hurting her best friend?

What attracted her to it so much? It certainly wasn't the hurt in Chloe's eyes, or the loneliness she had felt after she left. It had started because Chloe wanted to see the corset Robert had bound her into, and then all the lingerie he'd bought when he took complete control over how she dressed.

It wasn't just being "not allowed" that turned her on. It wasn't even true; Robert had given her no such restriction. It was Chloe seeing her dressed by someone else, discovering that her cunt was shaved bare. Saying she did that every day on his orders. It was Chloe seeing her as a slave.

But then she remembered the hurt in Chloe's voice, the look on her face as she walked out the door. Her fingers stopped moving and she felt a little sick. Could that ever really happen?

She thought about it the whole week while Robert was away. How would Chloe really feel to know she was owned by someone else? To find out that her lover wasn't

hers

any more but belonged to someone else? Could she enjoy being his slave if it hurt Chloe and drove her away? Could she ever do without Chloe, the only person that knew about the slavery she wanted? There was no one else in her life who knew her this well, who understood this kind of lifestyle, who would understand why she wanted it. She would understand that, wouldn't she?

She wanted her to, in fact, she needed her to. In her heart she knew that if she couldn't tell Chloe all of it, then she didn't believe it. She wanted Chloe to know, not only because it excited her, but because it would make her feel safe as she gave up more control to Robert than she ever had to anyone. And she just plain wanted Chloe.

She had been so relieved when she called Chloe, and she'd agreed to come over, and they'd cried together, and kissed, and she'd known that she hadn't lost her.

--

But lying there now, relieved to have Chloe in her bed again, she was working up the courage to talk about what was happening. Finally she took a deep breath, and felt Chloe tense.

"You know Robert comes back today," she said, stroking Chloe's soft blonde hair.

"I thought that was yesterday?" Chloe asked, her head remaining on her friend's shoulder but her eyes opening with a look of concern.

"Flights were messed up yesterday so he cancelled and rebooked the first flight out today," her friend said.

"Are you going to see him later?" Chloe asked, keeping her voice even.

"No," Rachele said, and she could feel the tension in Chloe's muscles relax a bit. She kissed the top of her head. "I've been thinking about it all week, but I'm not sure what to do next."

"How do you mean?" Chloe asked, finally sitting up and turning to face Rachele.

"I want it a lot," her friend said, looking down. "Robert, I mean. But he's also asking for a lot and he's probably going to ask for more."

Chloe didn't say anything.

"I haven't stopped thinking about what you said," her friend continued. "That you told Kevin you and I were a dealbreaker. I know what he means to you, and I know you how excited you were about him, almost from the start."

Chloe laughed. "He didn't know it, but I knew he knew it."

"But you still told him that," Rachele said. "You would have chosen me over him."

Chloe shook her head. "More like, if he'd forced me to choose, he would not have been the person I thought he was."

"But why didn't you tell me?" Rachele asked. "I always thought that you had Kevin, so this wasn't as important to you."

"I couldn't have Kevin if I didn't have you," Chloe said in a soft voice.

Rachele looked concerned. "I don't understand."

"I love Kevin so much," Chloe said. "He's adorable and kind but he's also big and powerful and he can pick me up and throw me around and I love it."

Chloe opened her legs, showing the bruises along the insides of her thighs. "Kevin beat me two days ago," she said. "He had my legs spread up and out and it hurt like hell and I was coming and I still feel them. They still hurt. It's like having his hands on me."

Rachele touched them gently.

"It felt so good when you were kissing and licking them before," Chloe said. "I wanted your tongue on my clit but I was so glad you went so slowly and gently. I need that, Rachele, I need that softness, I need that look in your eyes that says you want me even if I'm all marked up. I need to be able to come to you when I'm hurting, in a good way or a bad way."

She was crying. Rachele brushed away the tears from her cheeks, looking concerned.

"I didn't tell you because I was afraid you'd think it was too much," Chloe said. "I know you wanted to find a real relationship so I didn't think you wanted me to feel this way."

"This is a real relationship, Chloe," Rachele said. "I've been with you longer than anyone. I've never been with anyone who meant as much as you do."

"Really?" Chloe asked hopefully.

"None of those guys did," Rachele said. "But Robert is different. I'm so excited about him, and scared, and I don't want to hurt you and I'm sorry that I already have."

Chloe's shoulders fell, and she started crying again. Rachele reached for her but she turned away. "I don't understand why you have to give him everything," she said.

"I can't give him everything," Rachele said. "I have to make some decisions. I think this could be really big, but I need to figure out what it's going to stand on. What are my non-negotiables?"

"Are you sure you'll be allowed to have any?" Chloe asked, then a moment later, "I'm sorry, that was nasty."

"But it's a good question," her friend said. "Of course I will. I'll have to. Something this big can't just happen willy-nilly."

"I hear the project manager now," Chloe said. "Not the slave. I like the project manager better."

"But I'm both, Chloe," Rachele said. "Or, I want to be. I want it so much. It's so important. I want to know what we're building. I want to know the rules and requirements, I want to have a plan, I want to have a way to know if it's going off-course."

"How do you say that, and then talk about being his property?" Chloe asked. "I don't get it."

"I'm not sure I do either, and that's part of what I'm thinking about," Rachele said. "I don't want to always have to be the one figuring everything out and asking the hard questions and making sure things get done right."

"But that's who you are," Chloe said.

"No!" Her friend's vehemence startled Chloe. "It's not who I

am

, it's what I

do

. Those aren't the same thing and I get scared when it starts to feel like they are. I don't want to be sharp and tough and hard everywhere, I don't want to always be thinking, I don't want to solve every problem all the time."

Chloe nodded.

"But I do know how big things are built," her friend continued. "And I want this, I want something big, very big. Which means I need to know that it stands on firm ground."

She sat up, folded her arms on her knees and leaned forward. "He wants to control me, completely, I think," she said. "And I can't even tell you how that makes me feel.

"But last weekend I realized that it's impossible," she continued. "He can't control you, so then he either doesn't control all of me, or I don't have you."

Chloe nodded, and leaned forward as well, but didn't say anything.

"He can't control my job," Rachele continued. "He can't control my family. I can't deal with them so how can he?" Her parents had become big Tea Party supporters and couldn't shut up about how much they hated Obama, so she'd cut off most contact.

"And I see what Kevin does to you," she said, stroking the vivid marks. "I couldn't take that. It scares me. What if Robert wants to do that to me?"

"You don't need to be scared," Chloe began, but Rachele lifted a hand to stop her. "I know, I know, I'm just saying, I am scared of thinking about him with a belt or a whip.

"So there are non-negotiables. I'm never going to be up onstage in front of people. I can't afford that kind of thing with my career," she continued. "I can't start giving things up until I know what I can keep. What's off the table for him to own."

Looking down, Chloe spoke quietly. "Am I on the table?"

Rachele looked stricken and pulled her into a hug, but Chloe's arms remained folded around her knees, and she was tense.

"I don't want you to be," she said. "But I also don't know how to handle so many moving parts at once."

"I don't even know what that means," Chloe said, her voice breaking slightly.

There were tears on Rachele's cheeks. "It means I love you. And I am falling hard for Robert. The ground is moving everywhere and I need a place to stand and think for a bit."

"You're saying you need space," Chloe said, holding back tears with irritation. "Just say it, Rachele, I can hear it." She pulled away as her friend tried to hug her closer.

"I already told Robert that," she said. "I told him that largely because of you."

Chloe didn't respond.

"You mean so much to me," her friend continued. "You've been there all along, you know me better than anyone, and I can't imagine being without you." Her hand was stroking Chloe's back again. "Please, just give me some time."

Chloe turned to her, and kissed her. "I love you," she said. "I want this to work for you. But it's scaring me."

"I'm sorry," her friend said. "For what it's worth, it scares me too."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"Oh Chloe, no, please, don't leave," Rachele said. This time when she pulled her close, Chloe relaxed into her arms.

"I don't think I'm the one leaving," Chloe said, into Rachele's breast. Her friend held her tightly, lay back and pulled Chloe into her arms, feeling her trying not to cry.

--

Robert's plane was on time, and would be landing in the late afternoon. He hadn't heard from Rachele since he'd let her know the previous day that he'd be coming back later than anticipated. He'd thought about her a lot during the week but had resisted the impulse to contact her too often. She would come to him when (if, he ruefully reminded himself) she was ready, and rushing her would not help.

But he couldn't help hoping. She wouldn't be his first slave, but it seemed possible she'd be his first slave that could really take care of herself. If she surrendered herself to him it would be out of choice, not desperation or necessity. He was too old to deal with broken or helpless people, or those who wanted to be babied. If he wanted children, he'd have had them. He didn't even want the responsibility of a dog or a cat.

His sense was that Rachele was no more patient with incompetence or feigned helplessness than he was. She'd be someone who'd fit into his entire life, who was already used to talking to tech executives and personalities. She might be the first one his COO/consigliere Amelia wouldn't roll her eyes about. Amelia had told him directly more than once, "You could do better," and this time perhaps he had.

But it was going to be a more complicated process with Rachele. She was guarded at some level; she clearly loved to submit, but was not looking to give it all up as soon as she could. His pride had taken a bit of a hit being told to slow down and wait, but it was also arousing and encouraging. If she did surrender to him, she'd do it knowing and thoughtfully and, he suspected, very thoroughly, the same way she seemed to do everything. It was tremendously attractive to see the process and planning wheels turning in her head as they discussed things like his control of her clothing.

In his head he composed and recomposed the short casual text message he planned to send her when the plane landed.

--

Rachele felt almost as bad after Chloe left as she had the week before. Chloe had sat with her arms around her legs on the bed, her head on her knees, and wouldn't respond when Rachele stroked her back or tried to hold her.

Eventually Chloe had started putting her clothes on.

"Do you have to go?" Rachele asked.

"I think that's clear," Chloe said.

"Chloe, don't," Rachele said. "I'm not saying that. I wouldn't."

"You said it last week, Rachele," Chloe said. "And I think you're working up to saying it again. So I'll save you the trouble."

"Please don't be like that," Rachele said, reaching for her again.

"I'm sorry if I'm being a bitch," Chloe said. "But now it's my turn for some space."

Rachele nodded. She got up and pulled her robe off the hook on the inside of the closet door, and wrapped it around her. She followed Chloe to the door, and put her hand out to stop her from opening it.

"Kiss me? Please?" she said.

Chloe kissed her lips softly, then opened the door and left. Rachele had not wanted to go back into the bedroom, full of Chloe's scent, her bed still warm from her body. She was on the couch, with a blanket over her, exhausted and wanting to nap but too upset to sleep.

--

She wanted a whiteboard to organize the thoughts in her head. She laughed, picturing SLAVE written on one side and INDEPENDENT on the other, with a set of post-it notes to move from one column to the other. Colors for priority? She settled for getting up and finding a notebook. She made two lists, one on each of two facing pages.

SURRENDER:

Sex

Clothing

Orgasms

Serving him

My ass

Silence (sometimes)

Eating and drinking (when)

Freedom of movement

KEEP:

Job

Family

Finances

Hurting me

My ass too soon

Public display

Anyone else

Eating and drinking (what)

And, circled in red, at the bottom of the KEEP column, was "Chloe." When Chloe had told her that she would have dumped her now-financee if he'd asked her to end their relationship, she was shocked and touched, but thought privately that she might be willing to sacrifice Chloe for Robert. But part of her surprise was realizing that she needed Chloe too, even if she'd never said so or even admitted it.

What if Robert told her that staying with Chloe was not acceptable? What would he rule out next? She was actively looking for a new job, and talking to recruiters about positions in several different cities. Would he tell her she wasn't allowed to move?

Most importantly, how did she know when she was giving up too much? Chloe was the one who'd "rescued" her from her last attempt at a D/s relationship, drawing some boundaries where she hadn't been able to, or hadn't thought to. If he took Chloe away, she'd lose her sanity check. After the previous weekend she didn't have any illusions about what it would like to be "just friends" with Chloe. They had never had that kind of relationship.

And she couldn't stand the thought of it. Robert was gorgeous; she couldn't have picked her type better out of a catalog. A little older, taller than her, calm, forceful, funny, as smart as she was. But could she really give up adorable little Chloe, sweet and sardonic, with her narrow hips and delicious small breasts, who was insatiable in bed and knew every inch of her body? Chloe was her rock. Her sweet, sexy and silly rock, the hardest and strongest person in her life.

Robert's plane would be landing soon and she was mulling over what to say to him, still sticky with Chloe. If this worked out she'd be a lucky slut. That thought made her reach between her legs.

She was dozing when she heard her phone buzz. Robert's plane had landed and he was in the limo heading home. "I'd like to see you tonight," his last message said. It was already almost six. It seemed sudden but she didn't want to wait. She couldn't spend another night lying awake worrying about it.

"I'm home. Whenever you want," she responded. She should get up and take a shower.

2

A week was the longest she'd gone without seeing Robert since their first meeting. He came into her house this time as a guest, not taking charge as he had the last time he'd visited to review her clothing.

She had not showered. She had put on sweats and a loose shirt instead of her robe, and washed her face and hands, but under her clothes she could still feel Chloe. She kissed him, but turned away instead of kneeling, asking if he wanted a drink.

Holding cups of tea, they sat awkwardly on the couch, both aware that the last time he'd sat in that spot, she had been bound and blindfolded on her knees, soon to be choking on his cock. It made her wet to think about but she didn't want him to know that right now.

He was also trying not to think about it. He was here to talk, and it wasn't a good time to get hard, to be distracted by how much he wanted her. She looked casually beautiful, in a sexily disheveled way. He wondered what she was wearing underneath the shapeless sweats. Focus, Robert, he said to himself. He waited for her to speak.

"I've missed you," she said, taking his hand. "I thought about you a lot, and about all of this."

"I did too," he said. "Think about you. And miss you."

"I want this," she said. "I've wanted it since the first time you talked about ownership, that night we had sushi."

He squeezed her hand, listening, trying to show no sign of the relief he was feeling.

"But you talk about 'complete control,' and surrendering all of myself," she said. "And that's not really possible, is it? You don't want me to quit my job and come work for your company, do you? Or sign over my bank accounts? You don't want me as a slave who has nothing and does nothing?"

"I don't want any of that," Robert said. "Definitely not."