After deciding to stay in on a Friday night because I had a lot of studying to do over the weekend; exams were coming up. If I went out and got drunk there'd be no chance of me nursing a hangover and being productive the next day so I spent the bulk of the evening at my desk, reading my textbooks.
It got late and my brain was more than full, but I wasn't ready for bed yet, I did one of my more usual late night routines: I grabbed a beer and went to one of my favorite porn websites. It was a male submissive porn site.
My usual routine was to grab a beer and watch a movie, imaging that the guy in the scene was me. I'd almost invariably end up jerking off during the strap-on scene. The guy, tied up very well, usually bent over and asshole pushed into the air, as if presenting it, to a gorgeous girl, who usually wore nothing but a big plastic dick and a look of displeasure as she fucked her helpless victim.
The scene I had chosen today was a particularly good one. The girl was a cute, petite blonde who went by Lexi. She had the guy on his stomach draped over a small table, his legs spread wide open, his ankles tied to keep him like that, while his arms were tied to the table legs below him. So he was effectively reaching down to the floor. The girl had on a bright pink dildo and it was a bit bigger than usual. She lubed it up and she guided it in, with a look of sadistic pleasure.
The girl started to fuck the guy, shouting verbal abuse while slapping his ass and thighs. She then grabbed his hair with one hand and started to pick up the pace. You can always hear the slapping of the girl's soft thighs against the guy's bare ass, as he grunted in a mixture of pleasure and pain.
Every once in a while the guy would even cum from this, and this guy did, moaning loudly as the girl mercilessly forced the dildo in as far as it could possible go. As he was coming, and for a while after, the girl held the dildo deep in his ass. At this point the guy had a look on his face, one that showed he was sweaty, tired, sore and most importantly, content.
At this point, I came hard and probably felt similar to the guy on the table, but far less satisfied, missing that feeling of abuse and pain, and a real dominate women to heighten the experience.
The camera then showed his red, partially open asshole from the rough pounding it just took as the girl unhooked the guy from his ropes. She then made him lick the padded table clean of the semen mess he made on it. Seeing this I raised my own cum splashed hand to my mouth, but I couldn't bring myself to taste it, after I came any desire for doing anything sex related disappeared too, I'd imagine the only way I'd eat my own cum is if someone made me. But I was alone, and now all things sex and submission related were very unappealing, so I put my hand back down, and was about to turn off the movie, but the camera faded to black and the movie ended on its own.
I then got up and took a shower, washing the sticky cum off my cock and surrounding area. I got back out of the shower and sat back down on my chair naked, still a bit wet.
Not at all horny, I 'd rarely cum twice in a day, and even then it was only when I for some reason came in the afternoon and then met with a girl that night. However I was bored and I looked through the shoots to see if I could find any to remember to watch next time. As I got to the bottom of the page I saw a set of small text links underneath the next page link.
There was one that caught my eyes -- Jobs. My boredom subsiding, I eventually clicked through enough links and found one that accepted applications for actors in the movies, both guy and girl.
Curious, I scrolled through to what a man gets paid to be a submissive. It was $500. I guess that's about what I expected. It's pretty good for what wasn't even a full day of work. I imagine most of them really enjoyed what they did, who else gets paid to cum?
My curiosity satisfied, I left the computer, grabbed another beer and put the TV on.
At the end of the TV movie and 3 more beers later I was ready for bed. I didn't intend to drink 4 beers that night when I stayed in, but it was way less than what I would have drank going out so I was still sure I'd be OK for studying tomorrow. I didn't know why I did that. I think back on it and I think it was just the thought of being in a porn, it struck a chord in me.
I went to turn the computer off and saw that same screen listing the payment for porn stars. I'd already totally forgotten about it.
Imagine me being in a porn? Me, a fucking porn star! Especially as one that would be in super embarrassing positions, not a single person in the whole world knew that I was into this male submissive shit...well that wasn't totally true: I'd been with a few girls that were kinky and we'd engaged in some "non standard" shit. One girl stuck her finger in my asshole while she was giving me a blow job, and the only reason I let it happen at the time was because I was hammered, but once in, it felt really nice, she was doing a tickling motion in there, and it brought me over the edge for a good orgasm. That night still stands out in my mind as an important point in my sexual self awareness.
Later on some other girls I'd tied up and then they'd usually want to tie me up, more out of curiosity and reciprocity then anything, but I got off on it, even though they were usually kind of shy and gentle. So a few girls knew that I was into some mildly kinky stuff, but no one knew that I had always craved more, much, much more.
From these brief ventures into my submissive side I'd experimented a lot on my own, embarrassed to tell these girls that I wanted them to dominate me in bed, instead satisfying my cravings on my own. I'd went to the local sex toy store and, while I was beyond embarrassed, I picked up a bunch of stuff that I'd seen used in pornos or just looked fun. I couldn't meet the cashier's eye the whole time.
The contents of my bag that day was as follows: a standard vibrator, nipple clamps, a cock ring, a jar of lube and two butt plugs, one a bit more than an inch at its thickest and the other, which I didn't think I'd ever even get to really use, was almost 2 and a half inches at its widest point and the part that my asshole had to squeeze around was about an inch and a half, bigger than the widest part of the whole other plug. It was graduated slowly though, so I figured I could put part of it in when I was feeling daring.
That very day almost as soon as I got home I stripped and got into the shower, as I dried myself I made sure all the doors were locked and the blinds totally closed as well.