Calm Ch 04

Author's note: It's been a while since I posted the last part of Calm, this has everything to do with life getting in the way, but also with a wonderful lady who reached out to me after picking out my stories. It's a wonderful compliment to get when someone says your story has help believe a bit more in the community again.

She has spent the time to read through what I've written and to comment on a few key scenes, and I have taken her comments to heart.

Still, feel free to comment all you want on this story. The more opinions I get, the more valuable putting this story up here becomes.

Parts will be following each other more quickly now.

This is the first half of the third part of the story. The second part will follow in chapter 5. Part 4 and 5 will be in Chapter 6 and 7 respectively. Apologies for any possible confusion about the splitting up of parts.

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Chapter 4

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Tom leaned back in the couch. He was nervous and uncomfortable. Feelings he hadn't been familiar with for a long time now. Ruth had her head leaned against his shoulder. He sighed and said, "I'd hoped talking to you would change her mind, but it can't be helped now. We start when you leave."

Ruth put her hand on his arm and looked him in the eye, worry dimming some of the light in her pale greens. "Are you going to be all right?"

"I'm not sure, Ruth. She's told me everything I need to know, so we should be okay. I want to do this for her, but if something goes wrong, I'll have to figure it out myself and slip out of my role immediately. Make sure I'm there for her when she needs me."

He squeezed her hand and said, "Please make sure you're available today. It'll be reassuring to know I can give you a quick call."

"Of course, Tom. I don't have any plans."

He kissed her, a slow lingering kiss while his arms circled around her. She squeezed him back with all the strength she could muster, to give her master the encouragement he needed. Tom let her go and got up. He had a determined look in his eyes, and his attention was aimed inward now, focused on recalling the details of the role he was about to play.

"I love you, Tom."

Tom smiled down at his beautiful little girl and brushed the tips of his fingers along her cheek. Ruth understood how he felt about her without words. After stealing a quick peck on the tip of her nose, Tom turned away from her and made his way back to the bedroom. Ruth watched his back as he left, her fingers lingering on her nose. When the bedroom door closed behind him, she picked up her car keys and left.

Tom dressed in clothes he'd found in a used clothes store that fit Ellie's description of her father. He put on fake glasses and gelled his hair back. A pillow got strapped under his shirt. Ellie's father had been a little overweight. Finally, Tom slumped his shoulders and sprayed himself with the cologne Ellie's father used. Looking back at himself in the mirror, Tom disliked the image. He couldn't wait to throw the whole getup in the trash.

In the kitchen, Ellie sat at the kitchen table, poking her soggy cornflakes with a spoon. She seemed a lot smaller and grayer than the girl Tom had gotten used to in the past few months. The shadow looming over her showed today. Ellie turned to look at Tom as he entered the room, and fear flickered in her eyes when she saw him. It soon faded as she retreated back into her past self.

Tom hated seeing her like this, but there was no turning back now. "Elizabeth, put your bowl in the dishwasher when you're done with your breakfast. You have your flower arrangement class."

"Yes, father. I'll put it away."

Mechanically, Ellie got up and poured her milk and gooey cereal in the sink, rinsing it away with water. She put the bowl into the dishwasher and made her way back to her chair. If she was such a ghost when only re-enacting, what must it have been like for her to live like this for years on end, unable to talk about it to anyone? Tom forced his thoughts to stop churning and unclenched his fists. He could never play his part if he was thinking like this.

He looked down at Ellie's smooth face, her soft pink lips and the swell of her breasts. What would any man give for what was about to happen to him? How would he bring himself to do it? Pushing those questions away yet again, he thought of Ellie as Ruth. As his chaotic feelings faded to the background, he could see his little girl's bright eyes looking up at him, eager to do what he asked of her.

Tom opened his pants and pushed himself against Ellie's lips. Ellie made a token protest, but it was so very weak. She didn't move her arms to push Tom away or even try to dodge him, and she barely even turned her head sideways. Ellie seemed to be locked deep inside of this Elizabeth who was so strange to Tom. Even when she'd been bedridden and recovering, there had been some spark in her eyes.

Tom closed his eyes as he slid into her mouth, unable to look at her anymore. She started bobbing her head, fluidly taking him to the hilt and swirling her tongue over his head as she pulled back. It felt amazing but somehow wrong, mechanical. Ellie had detached herself completely. Still, Tom's body quickly responded to her. He let Ellie bring him to the edge before he took her head in his hands, just like her father had done when he was close.

Tom pushed all the way into Ellie's mouth three times before he crossed the line of no return. It had been three pushes every time, and then her father would hold Ellie down until he was finished. Tom pulled out and quickly buttoned his pants so he could turn around and hide his expression from Ellie. He couldn't fail her now by falling out of character and showing her how shaken he was. No way could he do this a second time.

Tom composed himself and said, "Go and get ready, Elizabeth. We're leaving in a couple of minutes."

He thought his voice sounded strong enough. Ellie scurried out of the room like a hurt animal. Guilt flashed through Tom when he heard her wretch in the toilet. "Are you all right? I can call to say you're not going."

"No. I'm fine, father."

"Well, let's go then."

They didn't say a word in the car. Ellie stared off into infinity. Tom pulled into the garden center's parking lot and got out of the car. "We're here, get your things."

They went inside and made for the back, where the studio was. Ellie ran her hands over some flowers, and it relieved Tom to see some life come back to her eyes as the delicate petals slipped through her fingers.

Tom sighed as a weight fell off his chest. Ellie was still in there. He went to the flower arrangement teacher and told her Ellie had had a very bad night's rest because of a nightmare. He knew the woman looked at him strangely because of his choice of clothes, but he made sure she understood Ellie might be acting a bit odd today.

When he made it back to his car, Tom leaned back in his seat and breathed out a shuddering sigh. This was supposed to have been the easy part. It hadn't felt like it. He grabbed his phone and called Ruth.

"Ruth?"

'Is everything all right, Tom?'

"I dropped Ellie off at her class, and I'm sitting here in my car now. It was bad, Ruth. I'll need you tonight. I feel like scum."

'Just hold on, Tom. You can make it through this.'

"I know, I said I would, and I'll do it, but I hope I never have to see Ellie like that ever again. She was just like a living doll, pretty on the outside and empty on the inside."

'Is there anything I can do?'

"No, it's fine. I just needed to hear your voice. This is what Ellie wants, and I have to keep reminding myself of that. It's going to turn out for the best. I have to believe that."

'You're doing the right thing, Tom. I know you are.'

"I'll make it work, is that what you're saying?"

'Yes, Sir. You always do.'

"Thanks, you're a treasure."

Tom took some deep breaths and drove back home to make lunch like Ellie's father would have. Sausages, pan fried until they were really dry. Hotchpotch with extra Brussels-sprouts, because Ellie's brother hadn't liked them. The depth of the hate this man had felt for his son was beyond comprehension, to go as far as to tailor meals to his distastes.

With everything finished and cleaned up, Tom sat down at the kitchen table and thought about what was to come. Everything could go terribly wrong if Ellie stayed stuck in her lethargic self. He hoped she was strong enough to break free. And if she wasn't, he'd drag her out.

***

Tom was waiting for Ellie on the hood of his car when she came out of the garden center holding a beautiful flower piece. Different types of white flowers arranged against a backdrop of banana leaves and fixed to a piece of hollowed out bamboo. The pleased look Ellie had on her face disappeared when she saw Tom. She cast her eyes down and seemed to pull any life that shone out from her back inside.

They drove home, strangers to each other. Tom asked Ellie about the meaning behind the piece. When she answered it was a sign of purity and new beginnings, Tom averted his eyes from her and didn't take them off the road again. He hoped from the depths of his heart he wouldn't crush her hope.

They had lunch in silence. Dry meat with bland vegetables and potatoes. Tom wondered if this was how the world under her father's control had felt to her. Bland. Every bite the same.

Her father had pushed Ellie into picking up all the activities her mother had used to hide from him, but Tom didn't believe Ellie had complied so easily because of her fear of him. He'd seen the spark in Ellie's eyes when she came out of the garden center, holding her work. She'd been proud. She still was, but she'd carefully hidden it away. That pride had always been there, and Tom felt proud of Ellie for being strong despite everything that had happened to her.

Ellie had saved herself by staying true to who she was in small ways whenever she could. And now she wanted to lock away the bad parts of her past and free herself to get on with the good. He could do this. He wanted to do it more now than he ever had before. "You go up to your room, Elizabeth. I'll take care of the dishes."

"Yes, father. Thanks for lunch."

"You're welcome, sweetie."

Standing in front of Ellie's door, Tom took several deep breaths to calm his nerves. He knocked and entered the room. Ellie was balled up in a corner of her bed, pressed against the wall. Her book lay discarded on the sheets.

"Get yourself ready."

Ellie didn't move, and her eyes were alive this time. Alive with fear. There was no hiding her trembling behind a facade of disassociated acceptance. This next part had never stopped hurting Ellie, no matter how often it had happened. It had given her nothing but pain and never the smallest ounce of pleasure. It had shocked Tom when Ellie told him she'd never had the chance to discover that sex could be a pleasurable thing. He'd found it hard to believe, but now it seemed so clear to him. "Elizabeth."

She still wouldn't move from her corner, so Tom pulled her towards him and forced her to uncurl. Ellie didn't struggle any further, having learned long ago it would only prolong what happened to her. Tom put her knees in front of the bed and folded her over its side. He took a bottle of lube from Ellie's nightstand and exposed her perfectly shaped ass. He had to steel himself so he wouldn't call the whole thing off right the and there.

Ellie had told him things would be this way. Still, it was only because they'd already come this far that Tom pushed on and lubed Ellie. She whimpered, resigned to her fate.

Making himself respond to her body and whatever images he could conjure up, Tom stiffened. He couldn't waste time, had to let his body take over so he wouldn't fail her now. Tom put his tip against Ellie's ass and tightened up on the inside when she softly cried out. She sounded so weak. Never in his life had he imagined someone so vulnerable as Ellie in that moment. It was beyond him how her father could ignore her unspoken plea time after time, lost in his own fantasies.

He steeled himself and pushed, not hard enough to break through, but enough to let Ellie know something was happening. He couldn't be himself now, couldn't obey his overwhelming need to stop this. Her father had used her as a willing lover, like his fantasy of her mother would've been.

Ellie got really quiet, no longer responding in any way. Shit! This wasn't what they talked about! Tom stopped moving, desperate to think of something that would call Ellie back to him. He had to reach her. Tom bent over Ellie, and he slipped away from her as he shouted, "Ellie! Elizabeth's gone! That's not you anymore! You're Ellie now! Come back. Be strong. Do what you said you would. You can do it, Ellie! I know you can."

Tom shook her shoulders, scattering hairs over her face. Ellie's eyes focused, and she peered over her shoulder. Tom squeezed her shoulder as relief flooded through him. "Ellie, do it! It has to be now! Ellie!"

Understanding bloomed in Ellie's mismatched eyes as she came back from whatever dark place she'd been hiding in. The blankness of her face dissolved and made way for anger. Years of injustice to her brother, years of abuse and all the damage her father had done to her life exploded upwards.

Ellie surprised Tom as she elbowed him in the face, hard. She pushed him off of her and stood up, glaring down at him with hate burning in her eyes. Ellie was magnificent at that moment, with her cheeks flushed and hairs sticking to her face. Her two-colored eyes lit up as she straightened her back and stood proud in the center of the room, her fists clenched and her nails digging in the flesh of her palms. Ellie wasn't trembling in fear now. Wrath had taken hold of her.

She drove her heel into Tom's stomach and in an ice cold voice she said, "If you move, father, I'll kick you twice as hard. I've learned what to do with you now. Do you understand?"

Still catching his breath and grateful for the pillow protecting his stomach, Tom nodded. Thank God Ellie was back. He was happy to pay the price for that small wonder. For a long moment Ellie stood there silent, her thoughts rapidly clicking into place. All her memories fueled the inferno burning inside of her, cleansing her. When she was ready, Ellie focused the weight of her emotion on Tom. Ellie's voice was calm and measured, but still alive with the anger suffusing her. Tom wondered how many times she'd practiced this in her head.

"I wish you'd never done this to me, father. I still remember the first time. It hurt so much I couldn't even speak. It burned and burned and you just kept going. I was crying and screaming in the pillow. But you knew, you had to know. You saw the blood. I hadn't even healed yet the second time. I can never be normal because of you. I hate you, Father." Ellie stomped down on the pillow once more.

"I hate you for killing Jefff. He was just as much her son as I'm her daughter. Why did you beat him? Why did you have to hurt him so much? He never understood why. It was bad enough for you to tell him his mother died because he made her bleed out. Those are the words you said to him! You monster! How could you say that to a little kid?

Ellie's face twisted with grief. "And you punished him for it every day of his life. He was such a beautiful boy, but he didn't have a single friend in school because he was afraid to have anyone see his bruises. He'd have to tell them he thought he was a murderer, and that he was being punished for it. Such a sweet little boy, a murderer! Do you even understand what you did to him? And you wouldn't even let me take care of him! You punished him even more when I tried to comfort him! He was as alone as I was.

Tears wet Ellie's cheeks. "You think you love, but you don't even know who you're fucking when you're doing it. All you see is mom's face. All you want is to get her back. Well, I'm not taking it anymore! I'd rather bite off your dick and swallow it then ever sucking it again! I'd rather cut it off while you're fucking me up my ass and shit it out in the toilet than ever letting you up there again! I hate you!" Every scream was followed by another stomp of Ellie's foot.

"I never knew I could say no. I never knew I could be safe from you. When Jeff died, I knew you'd kill me too. You're a sick, horrible man. The people who took me in are good people, father. They already care for me more than you ever did and even after I told them about how dirty I am, they still take care of me. They waited for me to tell them about what you did to me, waited for me to feel safe. I can't even tell them how much that means to me."

Ellie took a deep breath and closed her eyes before a shrill shriek burst from her mouth, her eyes filled with violent loathing. "I hate the way I look because of you! All I can see is mom. You disgusting monster! You murderer! I hate you! I'll hate you until I'm dead! I loved Jeff, and you took him away from me! I'll never love anybody else. Never. Don't you ever show yourself to me again! You're not my father, you're nothing to me! Nothing!"

Ellie jumped on top of Tom and pummeled him with her small fists. He protected his face and let her rage. Ellie screamed animal screams of pain and anger, clawing at Tom with the sole purpose of destroying him, of blasting him with all of her memories.

When her fury died down, Ellie burst into tears with massive, heaving sobs. She let go of all control and bawled like a child. Weakly punching Tom in the chest from time to time, she poured all of her grief into him. Grief for the brother she lost. Grief for the girl she could have been. Grief for who she was now.

When Ellie was too weak to struggle anymore, Tom took her into his arms. They were stiff and bruised, but he didn't care. Ellie's hands would be much worse. He held her close to him as she kept crying. They made a strange sight, both of them with no pants, but they couldn't care less. Ellie held onto Tom to keep herself from drowning. An island of calm in her own madness.

Tom whispered to her he was proud of her, that she'd be all right, that he'd help her. He shushed Ellie and said her name over and over. He told her it was okay to cry, to let go, that she was safe. Anything he could think of rolled off his tongue, just so Ellie could have his voice to listen to, his strength to lean on, his warmth to shelter in. When she'd calmed down, Tom's voice was hoarse and his throat sore, but he still smiled when he said, "Happy birthday, Ellie. I think this year will be better than the last."

"Mhm."

She nuzzled his neck and wiped her eyes dry on his shirt. "Thank you, Tom."

"Anything, Ellie. Anything at all."

***

"Go ahead, Ellie. Put it down."

Tom and Ellie stood in front of Jeff's small gravestone, the date of birth engraved on it was painfully close to the death date. Ellie's fingers were stiff and bruised in places, but they'd heal. She was healing and taking small steps towards what she could be. 'Purity and a new beginning', the flower piece she'd made, perfectly suited the grave. Jeff's death had shaken her to her core, and it had woken her up to the world. The kindness of the man standing behind her, holding her steady, had helped her to stay wide awake. And now Ellie felt like she could take a step away from her past and into the future.

Ellie knelt in front of the grave and put her hand on the stone. "You never knew about me, and I'm glad you didn't. You would've been sad, and I didn't want that. There was so much you didn't understand. So much you'll never understand now. But you were just like me, hiding away whenever you could. Trying to escape from the world that was so cruel to you. It makes me sad I didn't take any of your things with me, but there was already so little I could hide from father. I couldn't risk it. But you're safe now. He can't hurt you anymore. I'll..."