Calm

Hi readers,

This part will be similar in content to the last one. Mainly emotional scenes, but there is a set of hot scenes in there that I'm particularly happy about.

Ellie has revealed the full extent of her past now, and something like that is bound to leave ripples.

I hope you enjoy the continuation of the story.

Remember to vote if you liked, so more people will find this particular story. And comment if you feel like you need to get something off your chest. I always like to read your responses.

*****

"Tom?"

"Yes, Ruth?" Tom could see the hesitation in Ruth's tight expression, in the way she hunched her shoulders. She wanted to say something important. He put down his book and sat down next to her in the couch, his arm wrapped around her shoulder. Ruth shuffled a little closer, taking her time to get comfortable and structure her thoughts.

"Tom, hearing Ellie talk about what happened to her just a few months ago... It made me think about my own past, about how I felt. It was never as bad as it was for Ellie, but still, I hate what happened every time I think about it. It took so long to recover, and I'm still not over it. I was so naive and stupid, but what can I say? He was my first big love. I enjoyed being with him until he changes and forced me into stuff I didn't want. But still, I could leave in the end. Ellie... She was stuck for so long... And even before her father abused her things weren't peachy."

Ruth stopped talking and curled up a little more, resting her face against Tom' chest. He stroked her back, calming her down and making her feel safe. When Ruth looked him in the eye again, her determination was evident in her expression. "I want to go back to that time, Tom. I want to do it again and this time I won't let him do whatever the fuck he wants."

Tom frowned and said, "And how do you plan on doing that?"

"You play Sebastien and I'll play myself, four years ago."

"Just like that?"

"Yep, just like that."

"This is important to you?"

"Yes."

Tom ran his free hand through his hair and closed his eyes, leaning back his head so he could stretch and think. It wasn't a small thing she was asking of him. He opened his eyes again and met hers looking up at him. "This could go very wrong, Ruth."

"I don't think it will."

"If I'm honest then I don't want to do it, at least not if it's a spur of the moment thing. But if you can honestly and with certainty tell me that this is something meaningful to you, then I think we should have a long talk about your expectations."

There wasn't a hint of a smile on his face as he looked down at her. This was serious business. Ruth flinched back from the intensity of his gaze and curled up again, pushing herself closer to him. She didn't feel quite as certain anymore. Maybe this was a bigger deal than she had thought it was. Quietly, she said, "I'll think it over some more."

"Take your time, Ruth. I'm not sure you'll be prepared for the backlash. Reliving difficult times is hard. We can do it, that I'm sure of, but you can't underestimate it."

"Have you done anything like it before?"

Tom lifted her into his lap and kissed her on the top of her head before answering. "No, but my gut is telling me to be cautious and so I will be."

"That's not very helpful."

"My sincerest apologies."

She smiled a little and put her arms around her neck before kissing him. "You're right about me having to think things over, but I'm sure I'll still want it. It wasn't the best time of my life, but I'm tough enough to handle it now. You've made me stronger."

"Well, you know where to find me when you figure it out."

He kissed her back and gave her a firm hug, giving her what she needed to feel loved.

***

Tom found Ruth in the kitchen, pouring over one of her old books from her university days. He took a deep breath and focused on the role he was playing tonight. They had decided to do this, and he wanted to do it right. He walked up to Ruth from behind and put his hands on her shoulders. He leaned forward and whispered into her ear, "Babe, I put something out on the bed for you. I want you to wear it."

Ruth tensed as she looked up from her book, and she asked Tom in a soft voice "What is it?"

"Something you'll look really nice in. Just close your books and go put it on."

Tom's grip tightened on her shoulders and Ruth complied, marking her page before heading for the bedroom. A few minutes later she was back in shorts, a lumberjack shirt and a beanie cap. She'd already tucked her hair under the cap as her former lover had always asked of her. "Sebastien, I don't know about this. It's all at least a size too large. Did you really get my size wrong? I don't feel sexy."

Tom got up and took her in his arms, smiling down at her. "You look like a sexy little lumberjack. I love it."

He swept down on her and kissed her with a hunger evident from how he crushed her against him. Memories swept over Ruth. She recognized the hope that had always rushed through her at these times. A hope it was her he wanted, not some idea which she was the surrogate for. But things were never different. Soon, she found herself on her knees in front of the couch, letting his hand guide her head as it bobbed up and down his shaft.

One thing had set this day apart from the others. Her blowjob had been almost mechanical until Sebastien's phone rang. He'd picked up while she still had his cock in her mouth. She'd wanted to get up, but he hadn't let her. Ruth recalled how it felt to hear his voice turn joyful as he talked to his friend on the line. His hand became more insistent, forcing her to take more of his cock into her throat, pumping it faster.

Tom threw the phone down on the couch, just as Sebastien had done and pulled Ruth up. She wasn't standing for long though because he made short work of her shorts and pushed her with her face into the couch. Ruth felt the cold lube on her asshole, and she couldn't take it anymore. No way would she accept where her memory was going. She turned around and punched the bottle of lube right out of his hand. "Sebastien! No!"

Ruth ripped off her cap and snapped her head from side to side, letting her hair whirl out to all sides in a cascade of copper and gold. She threw the cap at him and shouted, "You see this? This is a woman's hair!"

She tore open her shirt, exposing her breasts to him. Tom's genuine surprise at her outburst helped her to unleash more of what she'd held back for too long. "You see that? I have breasts, they might not be the biggest you'll ever see but they're there. You can't deny that."

Ruth braced herself and pushed Tom. He fell down, tangled in his pants. She kicked off her shorts and straddled him, leaning in close, her face inches from his. So close Tom could feel her labored breathing on his face. He could see the conflict raging inside of her, and he didn't struggle when she grabbed his cock and slammed her pussy on it. Ruth gasped in pain when the hard shaft invaded her half dry pussy, but she gritted her teeth and pumped her hips in silence, a few tears dripping from her cheeks. "You feel that? That's a woman fucking you. I'm a woman Sebastien! Not a boy! I hate you! I fucking hate you!"

Tom let her rage until he got worried she might hurt herself. He pulled her against his chest, locked his arms around her and gave her no choice but to calm down. At first Ruth kept on struggling, but as the physical and emotional pain seeped through, she couldn't hold back her emotions and burst into tears. It wasn't long before she was sobbing and shaking in Tom's arms, overwhelmed by the sheer strength of what hit her.

Ruth was proud of who she was now and reliving her past so vividly was a severe blow to that pride. She was ashamed, angry, sad and hurt. When she calmed down, Ruth said "I can't believe I let him do that. It seems absurd now, but back then I didn't see any other way to get his attention. I hate it, I..."

Tom pushed her face into his shoulder and shushed her. It was no use for her to keep going over what she didn't like about herself and her past. "We're not four years ago anymore, Ruth. You're mine now. My little girl. And I like to think I know what I've got in you. He wanted you to be something you're not and I won't allow that. How can you be your best if you're trying to fit your foot in the wrong shoe? You're a beautiful, strong woman. Not much more needs to be said, I think."

Ruth grappled onto him, accepted his warmth as the pain between her legs slowly leveled off. Her emotional struggle didn't stop though. His words were a beacon for, a sign she had indeed grown. But right now they didn't help her or make her smile. Right now she needed to make peace and forgive the troubled younger version of herself.

With effort, Ruth pushed herself up and when Tom tried to stop her with a concerned look on his face, she shook her head. "No, Tom. I want to be alone with this. I know that you're there if I need you, but you can't do anything right now."

"At least let me check if you're okay. You weren't particularly careful."

Again she refused him. "I'll take care of myself, like you taught me."

Tom closed his eyes, took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. He nodded and said, "I'll be in my study. I'll put your pillows out, so you have a place to get comfortable. It's okay if you don't need me anymore tonight. Just tell me when you go to bed."

"Thank you."

He carefully rolled her onto her back and leaned over her, cupping her face before kissing her. "I wasn't sure about this at first, and I can't say I had any fun doing it, but I'm glad it means something to you. Use it, little girl. Use it to make yourself stronger."

Tom got up and left Ruth to herself, even though he didn't want to. His little girl was strong enough to make it through this. That strength was why he loved her.

***

Ellie walked into the living room and froze when she saw Ruth sitting in the couch with her hair disheveled and crying. The shirt she wore had fallen open because all of its buttons were torn off. Cold fear clawed at her stomach, her eyes widened and her breathing quickened. Did Tom hurt Ruth? She rushed forward and grabbed Ruth's hand. Ruth looked up at her with a sad look in her eyes.

Ellie's voice was unstable when she said, "Ruth, are you all right? Did something happen to you? Did Tom do anything to you? Are you hurt? Oh god, we have to call someone, take you to a doctor..."

Ruth put a finger on Ellie's lips to stop her from talking. "You're a sweet girl, Ellie, but there's no need to panic. Nothing happened that I didn't want to happen."

Her sadness had faded into a warm smile. Ruth might look like a mess, but her calm expression told Ellie she was still the woman she admired. Ruth stroked Ellie's hair a few times until the young girl calmed down. She sat down next to Ruth and looked at her with eyes full of questions.

Ruth acknowledged them with a nod and said, "I'll explain. A few years before I met Tom, I was with another man. He was a bisexual with a preference for men, but he didn't want to admit that. Still, he couldn't deny it and he used me to fulfill his desires in a way he could accept. It was a bad time for me, but I didn't know I could leave. It got worse over time, and still I clung to what little good I could find in him.

"I didn't date for two years after I broke up with him, not until I met Tom. Now I'm different. Today I feel like I can be strong, but back then... there was nothing I could do. I hate those memories. I asked Tom to help me rewrite them in a way. We re-enacted the worst thing that guy ever did to me, but this time I didn't give in. I won."

Ruth closed her eyes and slowly exhaled. "It may sound weird, but I wanted to give that girl inside of me another chance. I wanted her to know that even if we get into that situation again, it won't end in the same way."

Ellie was quiet and just sat there, feeling numbed by Ruth's words. She wished she could do the same, but there were just too many memories blurring together into one muddled nightmare. She felt the weight of her past crushing down on her, forcing tears from her eyes.

Ruth noticed and pulled Ellie close to her. "Ellie, sweetie, there's more to life than your past. I carry mine with me, but I've managed despite it. Look at me now, I ache and I'm a complete mess but still I'm proud. I've gotten through it. If I ever get into trouble again, I know I'll make it through again. You can do the same."

Ellie seemed to relax, but she still said nothing. Ruth wouldn't force her to, so she gave Ellie the quiet she needed to recollect herself.

Slowly, the numbness left Ellie, and she started thinking again. She didn't like it when she drifted off like that, but it was part of her life and she was used to it. Ellie wasn't used to finding herself wrapped in someone's arms when she came back though, and the warmth of Ruth's body against hers soothed her. She gave Ruth a squeeze to let her know she was back and said, "Do you need to do that kind of thing a lot?"

"It was the first time, and the only time I think. I never thought of it before. But I'm glad Sir wanted to do it for me."

"Sir?"

Ruth hesitated before saying, "I meant Tom."

"Why would you call Tom sir?"

"Ah, well. That's kind of a complicated question."

"In what way?"

Ruth sighed and then just shrugged, no sense in hiding it any longer. "I call Tom Sir because I consider him to be my master. I belong to him, and I try to be my best for him. In return he helps me to actually be the best I can be."

A surprised look came over Ellie's face. "You mean like master and slave?"

"Something similar to that. We prefer to call it Master and servant since that implies a lot more independence and freedom for the submissive."

"Oh."

This time the silence was different. New questions distracted Ellie. "But you're a manager."

"I am, yes."

Ellie shifted so she could see Ruth better, and the 'so what?' expression on her face surprised her. "You make decisions every day you go to work. People listen to you. You're the boss. Why would you want someone that makes you do things?"

"That's not how it is, Ellie. He doesn't make me do things. He sets out rules for me to obey, offers me things to do and then makes sure I don't fail his standards. The thing is that what he makes me do is stuff I want to do. So in a way he takes responsibility for me bettering myself. If I ever feel like giving up, I know there will be a consequence and that pushes me onward.

"I want to make Tom proud of me. It's great. When I'm working, I feel his hand in my back pushing me forward, and when I show him my results I see the smile on his face. And that's not even talking about the things we do in the bedroom. But I won't go into that."

As she talked, the glow of happiness on Ruth's face became stronger. It impressed Ellie with how different her own obedience had been. Her father had never spared a thought for how she felt about anything.

Ellie got up from the couch and said, "I think I'll go back to my room now. I'm happy nothing bad happened."

Ruth watched her back disappear through the door, her shoulders hunched. She wondered what Ellie would make out of all of this. She stood up and made her way to the study. Once inside, she knelt to the right side of the door. Tom looked up when he heard the door open and said, "Do you want to talk, little girl?"

"No, Sir."

"That's fine. You can make yourself comfortable if you'd like to."

"Thank you, Sir."

Ruth made her way to the pile of pillows to the right of Tom's armchair and nestled herself on top of it. It wasn't long before she felt his hand on her hair, petting her. She allowed herself to relax and closed her eyes. This was her spot, her home. She smiled.

***

The following morning, Ruth woke up to a rare and unexpected treat. Tom was still in bed with her, his body nestled against hers. She closed her eyes and felt the rise and fall of his chest. It helped her deal with her thoughts about what happened the day before. There had never been a time like this with Sebastien, he could never just be with her because she might need him close to her. She squeezed her eyes shut at the tears welling up and curled up.

Tom slid his hand along her arm and took her little hand in his. "Good morning, Ruth. I took a day off, and I called your boss. You have a heavy cold and should rest for at least two days. She hopes you'll get better soon. There's no hurry today, no responsibilities, no nothing."

Ruth pulled his hand up to her face and nodded against it before turning around and nestling her cheek against his shoulder. Today wouldn't be easy, but she wouldn't be alone either. After some time had passed, she calmed down inside and slowly but surely she felt the need to say something. "I didn't realize how bad it was. I've forgotten so many things. But now that we talked about it so much, thinking and preparing and then finally doing it all over again... I didn't know. It feels like I'm sad for someone else. Like I can't recognize myself."

She closed her eyes when his hand brushed along her hair. "You're not the only one. Yesterday opened my eyes to a lot of things I didn't see before. Things I'm glad I've learnt so I can understand you better. I'm proud of you, Ruth. You've been through a lot and you still made it."

"Do you think about me differently now?"

"When I think about you right now I get angry and sad, because of what happened."

Tom felt her hand grip his shirt tighter, but he continued. "And then I think about you as you are now. I think about what you were like when I met you and how much you've grown since then. You're still the same, but you're more now. My little girl takes pride in who she is. She made someone out of herself, no matter the past. When I think about that, I realize you have so much more to give than he ever took from you. So I feel angry again, then sad and the wheel takes another turn."

"Are you taking tomorrow off too?"

"I will if you need me too."

"I'd like that."

"All right. I'll let them know. Why don't we get out of bed for now?"

"Can we stay for a while longer?"

"Sure."

"And a kiss?"

"As many as you'd like, little girl."

Tom rolled Ruth on her back and kissed her gently, his lips just lightly touching hers. She didn't pull him in closer and he didn't press on. Their eyes only met briefly between kisses, but it was enough to tell Tom she wanted more of the same. He'd give her the soft touch she'd craved for in her difficult hours spent alone, waiting for the man she thought she loved to return while hoping he didn't. The warmth she felt now made her cry.

Tom kissed away her quiet tears until the last had gone. "Would you like to go here and there today? Just some quiet places, nothing special."

"Mhm."

"Good, let's grab a shower first."

In the shower, Ruth enjoyed Tom's hands running over her slick skin, washing her the way she sometimes washed him. It wasn't just in the shower, the entire day felt like she was being cared for by someone who anticipated her needs almost too well. After having coffee and breakfast in a small cozy coffee place, they were walking in a nearby park when the sun broke through the clouds. Tom stopped and closed his eyes to feel the warmth of the feeble autumn sun on his face.

He looked over at Ruth and smiled before grabbing her and folding his arms around her. "The summer sun is hot, and it's always too cold to feel the winter sun. In spring there's too much to distract you from the sun, but in autumn the leaves have fallen and there's just the wind and the clouds that hide the sun. It's wonderful isn't it? There's nothing like it, nothing else that's pleasant in quite the same way. Look around you, we're not the only ones feeling it."