Bridgie

Edited by Quinn McMullen

This story was inspired by the story Gabrielle by Quinn McMullen and our collaboration for the

Literotica 2021 Winter Holidays Story Contest

, Key West -- Winter Holiday Extravaganza. I hope you enjoy it!

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It felt weird to be sitting here with my husband Gary. I never in a million years would have ever thought this is where we would end up. We were the perfect couple, the picture of what a marriage should look like. We have stood by each other in sickness and in health, during the good times and, well, here we are. Sure, it was my idea for the counseling, and Gary had agreed to go easy enough. We had started out seeing Dr. Fallon separately. I had just spent the last several sessions baring my soul. Today was our first joint session.

What I expected was to have several sessions were I could vent about all the petty things Gary had done over the last several years. Stuff like leaving the toilet seat up, not putting the toilet paper on the holder correctly. Walking through the house with dirty boots on. Up until recently the worst thing he did was get overly jealous of me. Then we would finally get down to business with the events that happened just a few weeks ago. Things that shook both of us to our core. Things that started to change us. I figured she would then agree with me on everything Gary was doing wrong then give me some sort of award for being such a tolerant and dutiful wife. Then when it was time for this joint session, we could fix him.

Instead, we have spent almost zero time talking about Gary and most of it diving into me. Of course, I had no problem with this, I am a good Christian woman who raised a beautiful, God-fearing daughter. I was a virgin when I married my high school sweetheart, Gary. I have stuck by his side in sickness and in health, in good times and bad.

I have never strayed. Well, I guess that isn't true anymore. Anyway, until that fateful Key West trip, I have only ever been guilty of flirting with other men. The thought of anything more than just a male friend never crossed my mind even for a moment. For example, Gary suggested, I was closer to a band mate than I should have been, I created distance and was mindful how I acted around him from then on. Sure, I was mad at first, but there were other contributing factors to my anger. The fact is I created distance between me and all men after that. I also tried to be more aware of unintended flirting between other guys and myself.

You see I am the bass player in a band. Most of us are in our fifties and it is something we all do for fun. A hobby if you will. I love music and love the dynamics and energy that comes with playing with a group. We play at the Brew Pub every Saturday night and it's not uncommon to have guys come up and talk with me between sets. I am admittedly a bit naïve. I usually missed most of the sexual innuendos during these conversations, but they were not missed by my husband Gary. Often, he or one of my band mates would have to explain to me what was actually meant. That stuff always went over my head.

For instance, one time after a gig we had all ordered club sandwiches. I had a crazy craving for salt and asked if I could have Gabby's Pickle. After I ate hers, I asked for Rich's, then Tom's. I was getting ready to ask the wait staff if I could get another one when a complete stranger walked up offering his pickle. I thanked him, and he told me I could have his pickle anytime. I told him I would never turn down a pickle. He said if I ever wanted a really big pickle just to let him know and he would be more than happy to give it to me. I said that sounded great and I would let him know.

The whole band was in stiches. Rich had tears running down his cheeks he was laughing so hard. Gary was less than amused and stormed off, although at the time I didn't understand why. Eventually, Rich pulled me aside and explained what had just happened. Turns out pickle is a euphemism for penis. I felt the heat rush to my face, and I was mortified that I had just told that man I wanted his pickle.

So that's me. I just don't think that way. I volunteer at a soup kitchen, give my ten percent on Sundays. I financially support and volunteer for several different charities. I have more time than money being a part time receptionist, but I have always felt obligated to do as much as I can. I am the shoulder people can cry on, the one who is always there if you need me. I have been the best daughter, wife, mother, and friend I have known how to be over all of my fifty-two years of life.

So, to sum it up, I have had a life of servitude always putting the needs of others before my own. It had only taken one session with Dr. Fallon to figure out I have begun to resent it more and more over the years. It's one thing to give of yourself when it feels right to do so. It's quite another to give because someone makes you feel guilty or like you must.

It's hard to admit, but my flawless record had become a point of contention within my own heart. I felt like I had to be a living example to others. I began to resent others who embraced their flaws, quirks, and strange sexual behaviors. To quote a friend, "My mind is still living in the 20th century." I needed to be the perfect daughter, wife, and mother. Without even realizing it I resented every moment of it. I had become bitter because I was living my life based on what others expected of me. So, from an early age I became, "not me", then stayed that way until two weeks ago. Leave it to a young twenty something woman, thirty years younger than me, working in a café just outside of a resort in the Florida Keys, who had the wisdom of a shaman. Her words awakened something deep inside me. She sat down next to me, took my hands, and looked intently into my eyes, then into my soul. After several awkward moments she said, "You be you because that's who you are".

The connection between us and her words felt weighty and important at the time. They were spoken to me at one of the lowest moments of my life. They struck a chord that resonated deep inside and, well, woke me up. I didn't fully understand at first, and still struggle to fully comprehend to what extent I have been freed from myself. To oversimplify it, there is the person I want to be, and then there is the person I am. The person I want to be is a good person, someone above reproach and has the approval of all the people in my life. The person I am, she wants to try things she shouldn't, explore things she has been taught should never be explored. She wants to be selfish sometimes, she wants to see what's out there. There are things out there I was shielded from or shielded myself from my entire life. After the events of two weeks ago, let's just say all my curiosities were peeked. Pandora's Box had been opened; the genie let out of the bottle.

So, what happened two weeks ago you ask. The band was invited to, then played a swinger's resort in Key West, Florida. I had no interest in playing the event but was out voted two to three. I talked it over with Gary and we had decided there was enough to do in Key West that didn't involve the resort that we would go. Besides we were going to treat it as a second honeymoon.

It was anything but that. Gary decided he wanted to check things out, test our boundaries and maybe be a bit more open to some of the sexual stuff. He had made all those decisions last minute and without consulting me. I was having none of it. He became someone I didn't know and we spent almost no time together. I was pissed at him for most the trip.

After the words of that young shaman, I began doing some serious soul searching. I decided to listen to Gary and dip my toes in the water. Turns out the water was far deeper than I expected. Admittedly I went overboard and Gary was not as prepared as he thought he was for me to enter that lifestyle.

Nothing seemed to go the way we anticipated. In fact, it was one of the best and worst experiences of my life. I learned that just because I was feeling a certain way, I couldn't expect my partner to know how I was actually feeling if I didn't let him know and vice versa. I also learned that just because you agree on something, it doesn't mean it's going to work out. We needed to talk about and listen to each other from beginning to end. We needed to be careful to not get caught up in the moment and then neglect the other because of our own excitement. I learned there are things I like and boundaries I like to push. I learned more about myself in those six days than I had in my previous fifty-two years on this planet. Sounds strange to say that. To live your life and not know who you are. Weird right?

The plane ride back from the Keys was painful. Gary didn't look or talk to me the whole flight. Once we landed at Worcester Regional, what was left from the spell of the resort faded into the background. Instead it was overtaken by the reality of the old lives we had left behind. The silent treatment continued even after we got back. Even our daughter Denise noticed his mood. She had been staying at the house dog sitting our two Labradors, Cain and Sissy. She was also keeping an eye on our horses and chickens. The house was silent after Denise headed out. The next morning Gary busied himself around the farm easily avoiding me. He also didn't come to see me play at the Brew Pub that night despite the fact he had invited several of his own friends.

It was probably for the best anyway because there was a lot of band tension. Rob our drummer had elected to not take the trip to the Keys. He was not shy about letting everyone know how disappointed he was in us for going. Gabby had found another drummer named Brie to fill in while we were there and that was just one more point of contention. Brie had come up to stay with Rich over Christmas and had come out to check us out at the Brew Pub. Rob purposely tried to sabotage the gig by slowing down or speeding up the beat. By the third song Gabby accused him of playing "like the shit". Rob blew a gasket and stormed out. Brie sat in the rest of the night, but there was a funk in the air that seemed to suck all the energy and cheer from the room. During the break between sets we were all trying to come up with ideas to get our groove back. Tom said we should have Gabby just sing like in Florida, so we moved the keyboard off to the side. I thought that the three of us girls should lose our bras. Gabby thought it was a great idea and the three of us went to the ladies room. We started to regain our groove by the end. We ended with "The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac and I became a wild woman during the bass solo. It took all night, but things finally felt right again.

Sunday, I went to church and Gary didn't. After the week in Key West, I felt so much shame I almost didn't go myself. Turned out we had a guest preacher. Being the week before Christmas he spoke on the women who were in the genealogy of Jesus and the meanings of their names. Tamar means hope, Rahab peace, Ruth joy, Bathsheba love, and Mary fulfillment. Then the sermon took a sharp left turn. He began going over the background of each of the women in the genealogy. Tamar tricked then slept with her father in-law Judah who was looking to hire a prostitute. She got pregnant and once everything was revealed to Judah, he said she was more righteous then he was. Rahab was a harlot who hid Israelites at her home when they entered the Promised Land. Ruth was a Moabite. Sounds like nothing, but the Moabites were descended from the incestuous coupling between Lot and his daughters. Yup, my mouth was hanging open. Then we came to Bathsheba. She had an affair with King David. Then the king had her husband killed which resulted in the death of many. Then he took her to be one of his many wives and they had King Solomon who had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. Then we get to Mary who was a virgin, the only unblemished woman in the line. Then he talked about how God can use you in any circumstance even when living in sexual sin. I started looking up all the verses he had used. Turns out everything was true, and I began to think maybe I need to read my Bible instead of just letting people tell me what it says. It didn't make me feel any better about the things I had done, but it did make me think.

So that led us to Monday where I called my old therapist, Dr. Fallon. She had helped both Gary and me after my miscarriage years ago. We had both really liked her. I asked if she could refer us to a sex positive therapist and she said she doesn't advertise that way, but we could come see her. I thought that would be great since we were already comfortable with her. She said she was pretty much wide open on Tuesday and Thursday for the next two weeks because of the holiday. I booked all the slots she had. She said she would meet with each of us a few times and then we could all meet at some point.

We went on Tuesday and both had separate evaluations. Basically, what issues were we looking to tackle and what were we hoping to accomplish. I told her about the issues I had been having with Gary's jealousy and lack of trust. We went over my nonexistent sexual history prior to marriage. We talked about Gary and my sexual relationship over the years and eventually talked about what happened at the resort and how I felt about everything. I told her that the Sun and Shade was supposed to be sending the raw transcript of an interview the band did just before leaving. I thought it might give a better look into the week we spent down there since everything was fresh in my mind then. I said once I received it I would be more than happy to pass it along. She seemed very interested in the interview and said she would like to look it over. Then Dr. Fallon asked a series of questions kind of rapid fire, then she would interrupt me mid-answer asking different seemingly unrelated questions. Then the session was done. I felt better having actually talked with someone about what was going on.

I drove home and later that night, when Gary got back from his appointment, he seemed to be in a little better mood. He actually made eye contact with me for the first time since we had been home. I felt a wave of relief wash over me. That's when I started to feel the first flicker of hope. Gary and I have been married for thirty-one years and they have mostly been good years. The thought of losing him because of a crazy week in Key West had become almost unbearable. It was amazing how my attitude about everything had changed since leaving. I was really hoping we could work through it. I would do anything to make it better.

About six I saw the first set of headlights as Gabby pulled into our long drive and headed back to the barn. By the time I grabbed my coat and started out the door the rest of the band had already arrived. We were supposed to talk about some opportunities that had recently come up, but when I walked into the barn it was a fire storm.

Rob and one of his friends were tearing down the set of drums he kept here for practice while Gabby was yelling at him in French. Then Rob got in Gabby's face screaming at her that she and all of her fornicating band mates were going to burn in hell. I have never seen Rich move so fast. I thought he was going to hit Rob, but Tom got between them. Rob yelled at Tom telling him to get his filthy sinning hands off of him. That's when Tom said, "Fuck it" and hit Rob in the face. There was an explosion of blood from Rob's nose. Then blood began running from Rob's mouth as Tom hit him again, this time knocking out one of Rob's teeth. Rob tackled Tom, which knocked over Brie and Rich. Rob's friend, sorry I don't know his name, started hitting Rich in the back of the head all with Gabby screaming at them in French. I was in complete shock, just standing there with my mouth open. When I saw the blood on the white tablecloth that is when I snapped out of it. We had a Christmas wedding happening out here in four days and there was no way I was going to let them tear this place apart. I ran over and grabbed Rob trying to separate him and Tom. He swatted me away like I was a fly and I ended up on my back with the wind knocked out of me. Everything else was a blur.

Gary had heard the commotion and came to investigate. Gary is a stone mason and while he has a small frame, the years of hard physical labor have turned him into a mass of muscles. Rob's friend hit him, but Gary seemed unphased and brushed the blow away as if the man were a child. Then he grabbed ahold of Rob and jerked him to his feet so hard he looked like a rag doll.

I watched in dismay as Gary started punching Rob. "Don't," smack, "you," smack, "ever," smack, "touch," smack, "my," smack, "wife," smack. It took Tom, Rich, and Rob's friend to finally separate them. Then Gary turned toward me asking if I were alright. I nodded unable to speak, knowing I would burst into tears if I tried. Gary put his arm around me, turned me, and led me toward the house. He looked back and yelled, "Get this shit cleaned up before you leave, or we will have words!"

As we stepped out into the night we were met by a chilling blast of air, large fat snowflakes were racing sideways across the yard smacking us in the face. Lifting his hand Gary shielded my face from the onslaught. We made our way toward the house. By the time we reached the house you could no longer see the barn. The forecasted nor'easter finally arrived.

Just like that I was back inside, Gary searching my body for scrapes or bruises. He kept smiling at me. He drew me a hot bath in our claw foot tub, then put in a bath bomb, and I soaked for almost a half hour. I got out of the tub to find Gary had laid out my robe and nightgown. The house had been transformed by Christmas lights. Although we had decorated before leaving for the Keys, we had yet to turn any of them on. I walked into the living room where Gary had the Christmas tree lit as well. It was beautiful. He met me with some hot cocoa, asking if I was okay. I said 'yes' and he kissed me on my forehead. I managed to hold in my tears, I didn't want to get emotional and wreck the evening. We curled up on the couch and I fell asleep in his arms watching It's a Wonderful Life.

I woke up the next morning in my bed. Gary must have put me to bed after I had fallen asleep. I noticed his side of the bed was messed up so he must have slept in the same bed with me. He had been sleeping in our guest room. I looked outside and was surprised to see the amount of snow. It was still coming down although not as hard. Gary was going to have a time getting the tractor out of the pole barn. The drifts looked four feet high. It was going to be a white Christmas for sure. After the perpetual gloom overshadowing our lives the past few weeks, all this fresh snow had the day looking up.

I got up and got myself ready and headed into work. Thank God for four-wheel drive. Once I got to the main road, while not perfect, the plows had been through. It was the last day I had to work until after the New Year. I also had to finish decorating for the wedding we were having Christmas day.

Gary and I began hosting weddings in our old rustic barn several years ago. We used the money from that to basically remodel the house and barn over the last fifteen years. We had started doing Christmas weddings three years ago when our daughter Denise when off to college. I had my two-year degree at the community college and Gary came from a long line of stone masons, so we were thrilled when she got a full ride scholarship to Johns Hopkins University and their pre-med program. She would be the first doctor in the family. We couldn't be prouder. She had also become an EMT and picked up all the extra shifts over the holidays. So for the last two Christmases despite our pleas, she worked though the holiday leaving Gary and me as empty nesters. We both love Christmas so much we decided to do Christmas day weddings as an excuse to decorate the whole place to the nines. We weren't even sure if anyone would be interested, but we booked immediately. Plus, the people were willing to pay! We charged tripled our normal rate and we never had a complaint. So now that's how we typically spend Christmas day.