Can I handle it?
I exhaled deeply and smiled. Good question, I thought. Can I? I really wasn't sure if I could, but I went ahead and responded anyway. I know, believe me, I know what you're thinking. You stupid silly woman. I can't agree with you more. Just like I can't explain the pull that he had on me. It defied all common sense and rational thought. I was getting more confident each time we came together again and after being apart for a few months I felt stronger. I had my role-play stories and was more settled than I had ever been.
But- still fully aware of what happened in the past, multiple times. Michael disappearing, "poof" like smoke. Did I want to go through that again? No, of course not. But could I ignore him? Not answer his email? Really, there was no decision to make. This was going to play out again and again, until either he would tell me to leave him alone permanently, or I would finally wise up.
"You didn't answer my question," I replied.
"You're not asking the questions." he returned. I laughed, slightly shaking my head. There was the Michael I knew and....ahem. So typical, and yet this is why I kept coming back to him.
"LOL, I can handle anything you give, or not give me. I'm still here, aren't I? Still evolving, stronger....deeper.....darker. SOooooo.....were those kisses from You?"
"What are you wearing?" he asked, totally ignoring me.
"A black lace bra, royal blue thong with rhinestones, and just 2 drops of perfume."
I asked him if he would accept my invitation to get on messenger to make it easier to chat, and after several frustrating attempts, it finally connected.
"Take a deep breath," he said.
"I'm breathing just fine, thank you," I replied, totally lying through my teeth.
"I'd like to see that." Ohhh dear! He was so erotic to me..I could hardly stand it. "I like your new profile," referring to our chat/cam site.
"Yeah? What do you like about it?"
"I like how it still centers around me," he replied confidently, noticing most of the pictures I had posted were previous tasks he had given me.
"LMAO, Oh, really?"
"Denying it?"
"So, did you send me those kisses?" I asked, going back to my original question.
"No, I didn't send them."
"Oh, someone must have been playing with me- I have to go," hearing my husband pulling up in the driveway. It was a good thing though. I wasn't going to message him again. If he truly did not send those kisses to me, well then, I was not going to be an afterthought. If he wanted to chat on Monday, he knew where to find me.
So I was pleasantly surprised and thrilled when I logged on to my email Monday morning. "Hard to get those rhinestones out of my head. I'd like you to choose an outfit and wear it for me today."
Here we go. It's on. The question is....for how long? I started to chant a mantra in my head- "He's going to leave you. He's going to leave you. He's going to leave you." Maybe if I told myself that enough times, I wouldn't be so devastated when he did. I scooted upstairs, showered and picked out something that might please him.
"I love to dress for you," I replied, "I'm wearing a black pencil skirt above the knee, turquoise satin shell with black lace and a black blazer. Along with thigh high stockings and black heels. And in return...?" hoping he would be pleased and reward me.
"On your knees. You've done well. How do you feel mon petite tentatatrice? Going out somewhere nice? Perhaps in return I should lecher ton petit minou?" Ohhh, his French! My stomach turned over as I tried to translate it online. His little temptress? Lick my little kitty? Kill me, kill me now.
"Gladly...love to be on my knees. I feel sexy, and naughty, and....wet, very wet. Be careful- don't make promises you can't keep. Although I would love to watch and feel you between my legs, lapping up my heat."
"I enjoyed your writing," he offered, "It made me want to get my claws out again. But perhaps I'm not as heartless as you make out -- I resisted."
"My writing, do you mean Bougeotte? Love the thought of your claws coming out....you resisted what? Writing to me? Because?" Though he always maintained a cool composure, I knew- deep down inside, he was thoughtful. There were so many times over the year that I had known him, when he could have torn me to shreds- but he never did. "I think under that impervious exterior lies a compassionate heart- not heartless."
"I resisted writing to you because I thought it might do you good to have a break from being toyed with... I can scratch very deeply if I'm not careful." The newly healed scars on my heart tingled with remembrance.
"I see you've become a lot more confident," he added, "Perhaps I should reward you or maybe I should punish you -- teach you your place. Perhaps you think you've already found your place and have nothing more to learn. I wonder."
I loved this little dance back and forth. Me, acting as if I had some power, which, maybe in a way I did. But ultimately, like two wolves trying to determine the Alpha, I knew very soon I would be lying on my back in submission -his jaws clamped tightly around my neck.
"More confident yes, that's true. You know that I like to provoke you, poke you....more hostility, lust each time. As for reward or punishment, that's not up to me to decide. As for learning, I have so much to learn. So much more...." I exhaled.
"Taste yourself and describe it to me. For your next lesson, I shall teach you humility. I have decided that you need to remember how to obey. Will you submit?" he asked, the gauntlet thrown.
"My taste....warm, exotic, sweet, vanilla melting on my tongue. As for your scratches, they seem to have disappeared. My fair white flesh is begging. I submit." And there it was.
Get ready.....Wait for it.....
"Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it," he returned, "I want you to take some fruit, chop it into pieces, rub each piece all over your sex and devour it. Then I want you to come for me, screaming my name. I'm glad those scratches have vanished. Maybe it's time to cause some new ones. Then, with the addition of a little salt, you'll have an education. Lessons you won't forget." he responded darkly, in true Michael form. "I have a task for you -- within the next two days I want to see you in a satin blouse. A gold one I think unless you prefer another colour? Also, I'd like to know if you still have your wedding dress?"
Whaaaaaat? Cut up fruit? Rubbed all over my body? I shivered. It's not only "on"; it's full speed ahead- no polite build-up this time. He had launched an emotional speed ball and I sucked it all up -like a word slut junkie.
The next morning, I went to the grocery store to pick out what I needed. This was an absolutely delicious task and the orgasm that followed was one to remember. I sent him a narrative of my experience and pictures of me lying on my bed, my naked body adorned with strawberries and cherries.
"How beautifully you fulfill my expectations ma petite esclave," he replied. "Which taste did you like best? Les cerises? Les fraises? As you know, the sweetest taste for me is the flavour of your "submission."
"The flavor of my submission...." I sighed, his words seeping into my every pore.
He asked me to meet him on video chat and I had a feeling of absolute dread! All I could think of was my previous failures on cam. I knew if I didn't try to relax and give in to his requests, I would lose him. So, I poured myself a glass of wine. Yes, I was still 'working' and it was two o'clock in the afternoon, but I was going to do whatever I had to do to hold on to him.
I did as he asked. He played with me like a toy and told me to undress. Starting to feel a buzz, I was actually enjoying it for the first time. Somewhere during the chat, he mentioned that he would call me.
Pause. Rewind.
Did I read what I think I just read? A call?
"Michael, how are you going to call me?" I gasped.
"You sent me your phone number." I had forgotten-I had sent him a formal work email for fun, and my contact info was included.
"If you want to call me, I have a secret number." I bought one of those pay as you go phones just for this reason, but never expected it could actually happen. The video chat got hot and heavy, and I finally surrendered to him, completely.
I wasn't sure what I would wake up to the next morning. I had bared everything and I mean- EVERYTHING- on cam the day before and even though I didn't regret it, it was one of those moments where I was feeling embarrassed to face him, not knowing how he would feel about me now. However, a lovely email awaited me.
"Delicious memories of yesterday. I tried to call your number from my office, but I wasn't able to make it work. I am going away for the holidays but will contact you when I return. I look forward to seeing you in a gold blouse, I know you won't disappoint."
During the break, I went out of my way to take beautiful pictures for him. Wearing a black satin blouse with backgrounds of gold satin material, thigh high stockings and his initial in rhinestones adorning my pussy.
He was pleased. "You look sensational, as always. I'd like you to tell me the story behind the photos and also to explain why there isn't one of you buttoned up. Perhaps I should punish you?" he said.
My stomach fluttered wildly. Starting to feel the pull, I gently reminded myself that he was on his way out.
**********
We were at the end of a long, enjoyable chat one day and with trepidation I asked, "Michael, consider this....leave me a phone message before you leave work? We don't have to chat. I just want to hear your voice."
"What would you like me to say?"
"Anything....anything would sound delicious with your beautiful accent." I was literally sitting on pins and needles, waiting to see what he would say.
"If the phone rings, I insist you pick up and say, 'This is Jennifer.'" he said.
"Okay, but why?" Oh my God, we're going to chat?? Fuck!
"Because I also want to hear your voice and I am in control."
"Mmmm, yes you are." I can't even tell you how nervous I was waiting for the phone to ring. How very high school! I had bared my body and soul to him but the thought of actually speaking to him on the phone was terrifying!
Ringggg......
