(As always, my thanks go to Lisa Jones for advice and encouragement with this story.)
Abi stood on the corner and thanked her lucky stars that it was mid-afternoon rather than night. A couple walked past, intent on their own business, but even so she found herself checking her watch and looking impatient. See that, look at me being huffy; because I'm wondering whether my taxi is going to arrive at last – appearances to the contrary I am not a prostitute! Got that?
Her 'date' was ten minutes late, and she was seriously considering calling a taxi for real. Another look around: just the pretty little thing sitting over a cigarette at one of the tables outside the unremarkable Victorian pub; her standing on the corner looking conspicuous; a couple of builders passing on the other side of the street and giving her knowing looks. She checked her phone for any message that might explain ...
"Buy you a drink?"
She looked around. The pretty little thing had finished her smoke and was standing a few feet away. What a strikingly deep voice for such a small woman.
"No. Thank you, no ... Sorry, I'm waiting for somebody."
"I know you are, Abi. Would you like a drink?"
Blue-green eyes smiling at her: not quite mocking but not entirely friendly either.
"But ..."
"You were expecting six-two and Doc Martens. Too much disappointment?"
Abi took in the small slight figure, the pretty dress and navy blue jacket, and almost thought it was. Until the woman raised one questioning eyebrow, and Abi thought back to the tone of the voice. Obviously in no mood to ask a third time, she turned and walked inside:
"Come on with you."
And so Abi followed her to a table in a secluded corner and they sat down. The woman opened her purse and gave Abi a fiver.
"Go over to that ludicrously attractive barmaid and tell her 'V would like a half please'. Thank her nicely and bring drink and change back to me."
Abi did exactly as she was told. She put glass and money on the table in front of her new companion. She wasn't sure if she should sit or not. Another note from the purse.
"Thank you, very prettily done. Have something for yourself, get change and load up whatever music you like as long as it's fairly loud. We need to have a chat that neither of us particularly want overheard."
Once again she did exactly as she was told. This was not quite what she'd been expecting. If truth be told, she had half-expected to be in cuffs or something by now, instead she was simply fetching drinks in what was obviously an entirely mundane pub. The woman sipped hers and ran her eyes calmly over Abi. Abi in turn looked at her.
Small hands; very short but flawless ruby nails; no rings or watch to spoil the natural contours. In fact she was not wearing any jewellery that Abi could see. Not even earrings, even though her chestnut hair was pulled back and exposing pierced lobes. Nothing at all that might distract your attention from eyes that were as beautiful and as harsh as cut gemstones. Her face was like a doll's; pretty and brittle-perfect, slightly inhuman. Somehow Abi felt as if she really was wearing those cuffs.
"Just to be clear, I don't ever drink and domme; so you're not getting any this afternoon ..."
'Getting any'? How inappropriate the casual small crudity seemed from that face. Abi was becoming decidedly uncomfortable.
"... Find it unsettling here?"
"Yes. I ..."
"Good. I don't do kink clubs, sweetie, I'm not exactly one of the 'community' ..."
She actually did sarcastic little air-quotes at the word. No, thought Abi, this was not at all what she had expected. The email correspondence had been long and detailed, she really had thought she had some idea.
" ... OK, listening carefully?"
"Err; yes."
"Miss."
"Sorry?"
"Think it through, sweet; don't disappoint me this early."
Ah, yes. Of course!
"Yes, Miss. I'm listening carefully, Miss."
"Once is good, no need to overdo it. First point, if you're one of those subs with unresolved maternal issues, would you please just drink up and go home. I will not suckle you; I will not fuck you while you call me 'mummy'. Sorry, I'm not a prude and I'm not a moralist; I won't despise it but I simply can't handle it. Is that clear?"
Abi felt about six inches tall. Every rational feeling told her no one could overhear their conversation, but still ...
"Clear, Miss."
"Excellent, two birds with one stone then: if you ever say 'mother' I will stop like I've run into a brick wall. Would you get me another drink please?"
She had barely touched the first. Abi fiddled awkwardly with her purse.
"Can I ..."
"No. Never, doesn't work that way."
She took the money she was given, bought another half and returned to the table.
"Thank you. Second point: if there are any incidents in your childhood ... To be honest, I would strongly advise you to reconsider; otherwise just tell me. No details, we can do that somewhere more comfortable if you want to, just yes/no."
"No, Miss."
"So why, Abi?"
"I'm not really sure, Miss. I don't know. I'm ..."
This was wrong. It was certainly demeaning, but far from the way she wanted or expected. No, fuck that! She was not going to apologise.
"... It just is. Because I want to."
All at once the eyes twinkled back at her with genuine warmth. What a cute little nose she had when she wrinkled it like that.
"Splendid, what I wanted to hear. Last question, are you proud, Abi? You know: capital P-type pride."
"I'm not ashamed, if that's what you mean. Why?"
"You're not paying me to be polite, sweetie. That going to be off-limits?"
Abi finished her wine. As a matter of fact she didn't like the word too much, because pride implies choices made or things achieved. Abi simply, unapologetically,
was
. She met the steady gaze across the table and recognised something in it from her own mirror. Insults never truly hurt from inside the family, do they?
"Not really."
"Alright then, I'll send you an email this evening. You can call me Miss Kavanaugh, by the way. Run along now, Abigail, you'll miss your bus."
***
**
Abi was a true fetishist: no quick trip to the fancy dress shop or browsing the mildly-dodgy parts of the web for her. She had gone to one of the better private school outfitters and purchased the real deal, costing her a considerable amount of money and not a little exquisite embarrassment.
Miss Kavanaugh's instructions were quite clear: there were no changing facilities at school; she could wear a coat to walk from her car to the door if she preferred; she
would
take that coat off as soon as she got indoors. Abigail folded it awkwardly over her arm and walked slowly up several flights of bare concrete steps and hoped fervently that she didn't meet anyone coming down. The plain door in the plain corridor was slightly ajar. She knocked politely, stepped into a spartan anteroom and closed it behind her.
Music came through the slightly open door to her left: something classical with a harp. Abigail took her seat on the plain wooden chair by that door, folded her coat across her lap, and for some reason she could not entirely explain felt acutely uncomfortable that there were no hooks to hang it from.
The music ended. The same piece began again, obviously set on repeat. Abigail waited and felt increasingly nervous, one disengaged part of her brain began to reflect that Abi was paying quite enough not to be ignored like ...
"Come."
She stood, placed her coat neatly on the chair and stepped into the study. Miss Kavanaugh was sitting behind a large and old desk, head down over some paperwork: black gown over austere dress, chestnut hair in a tight bun. Her left hand came up to wave vaguely in front of the desk. Abigail stood there and wondered what to do with her hands as Miss Kavanaugh continued to ignore her. After perhaps two minutes:
"Well?"
"I was told to report to you, Miss."
"Is that so? Academic failing or personal behaviour?"
"Personal behaviour, Miss. The ... err ..."
"Come along now."
"State of my underwear, Miss."
Miss Kavanaugh did a small imperious click of her fingers as she reached for yet another document. The meaning was entirely clear to Abigail without any need for explanation. She took them off clumsily, trying not to expose anything in the unlikely event Miss Kavanaugh looked up.
Abi, as we have said, was a true fetishist. Dabblers and tourists would have been tempted to let Miss catch them wearing crotchless or skimpy; but to Abi those plain and thick white cottons she guiltily laid on Miss Kavanaugh's blotter were the sexiest knickers imaginable.
Finally the pen was laid down. Miss Kavanaugh stopped the music in the middle of the tune, looked at the undies, and then at long last glanced at her.
"Abigail, isn't it?"
"Yes Miss."
"Explanation?"
"Sorry, Miss, I don't quite understand."
"Spontaneous? Or have you been filthy with yourself?"
It made her legs weak. She felt like one of those tiny jointed toy dolls, where you press the button underneath to relax the string and they just collapse into themselves. At that moment, she felt decidedly filthy.
"I haven't ... Spontaneous, Miss."
"Have you been having unsuitable thoughts about boys, Abigail, or do you just go around in a disgusting state for no reason at all?"
"No, Miss, I wasn't ... I wasn't thinking about boys, Miss."
She had been leaning forward on her elbows, looking infinitely bored at the whole thing. Now she sat back in the chair, and for the first time truly looked at the penitent in front of her. Abigail felt the eyes moving across her, felt them linger just a little on the front of her blouse and the tie hanging between.
"That, young lady, is entirely unacceptable. Nasty desires towards your classmates or silly little girl pash for one of your teachers?"
"I'd rather not say, Miss."
"I don't doubt that for a moment. You do understand I'm going to have to beat you about this, don't you?"
Somewhere far away a tiny part of Abi was floating high in the corner and looking down on it as an observer; thinking how curious it was that she did feel genuinely and deliciously ashamed to say it. How amazing that she could fall so deeply into her own dream and have it become real around her. How amazing; how thoroughly perfect.
"I'm sorry, Miss; it's ... There are stories, Miss. That you expect things after you've beaten girls ..."
Miss Kavanaugh walked round the desk to stand close against Abigail, mouth by her ear and speaking very low.