Chapter Six
Submission
It was a week before either George or Charlene was able to give the last of the eight fantasies more than a passing thought. George had just won a new contracting job and was knee deep in the process of getting the necessary permits and hiring the right sub-contractors. The crisis pregnancy center had received its seemingly annual request for detailed donation documentation for some of their supporters, a consequence of audit season. Putting everything together kept Charlene (among others) busy five days that week. On top of that, third grade reading assessment had started and the need for volunteers was high there too.
The couple, weary from their responsibilities each day, made time for each other instead of trying to work through anything else, let alone something as emotional as one of them whipping the other. Their dinners seemed to take longer than normal as George needed to release the frustrations he had every time he was forced to deal with the city bureaucracy. It didn't help his nerves any that he also had to deal with state level flunkies (a state grant was paying for part of the work). It was Saturday before he was able to open Wiseman's book. With Charlene putting in another afternoon at the clinic, he opened the book and perused its contents.
Considering what the subject matter was, it was a very practical book. He found that the section on bondage, for example, had suggestions for knots he had not used. While the bow line and taut line were good knots, they had potential problems with anything involving suspended positions. There were also some ties that spread the pressure from struggles or weight.
The section on whipping and spanking confirmed the saleslady's comment at Erotic Boutique. Their selection was not even half of what was available. He found the array of potential ways of inflicting 'erotic pain' a little overwhelming at first. Hell, he had trouble getting his mind wrapped around the idea of erotic pain. The fact that he and Charlene were planning just that did not make it easier to do so. However, the easy style of the book made it approachable.. He found that Janet and Betsy had been right. The bull whip, which belonged to a large class of whips called single tails, was one of the most dangerous, thanks to the ability of the end to break the sound barrier.
Multi-tailed whips, including the famous cat-o-nine-tails, were probably the most varied in their potential effects. Variations in the length, thickness, and material used to make the tails, drastically affected the pain and potential for injury (scourges, technically part of this group, were never used in 'play' since they has sharp metal embedded in them). Some cats could actually be less painful than an open hand spanking! Technique had its place as well. Overhand strikes produced more pain than a twirling motion that George had trouble visualizing.
Looking through other parts of the book was an eye opening experience. He had to smile at the concept of safe words. "Been there, done that," he thought to himself. He grimaced at tattoos and piercings, neither he nor Charlene having a liking for those increasingly popular forms of body art. Branding caused him to blanch. The only thing less conceivable to him than someone wanting to brand someone they cared for was the thought of someone allowing it to happen. He had read most of the book by the time Charlene had returned.
"Hi honey. What's that?" she asked, seeing the book.
"Uh, I picked this up last week. This Wiseman guy wrote a book on how to do things like tying people up and whipping them safely."
Charlene's mouth hung open. "There's an instruction manual for whipping people?"
"Yeah, I guess that's what this is. He seems to know what he's talking about."
"But, you don't write a manual for something only a few people do."
"I imagine not. I guess we're not as weird as we thought we were."
Charlene sat down on the sofa next to George and took the book, looking at it herself. "Hmm. Safe, sane, consensual. I was beginning to wonder about the sane part of what we are doing. So this sort of thing is not crazy? What does he say about whipping?"
"Apparently, our best option is some sort of cat-o-nine-tails." At her look of surprise, he hasted to explain. "They aren't all made the same way. Some are incredibly soft and won't cause serious injuries, even when swung hard. There are places we won't want to whip, like the face, but they can be safe, even gentle."
"Gentle? How can a whipping be gentle?"
"I'm not sure. It sounds like a combination of material and technique. Maybe it's like the difference between a spanking with clothes on or off. At this point, I'm willing to give it a try. If you are too?"
Charlene gulped and started to perspire. "George, I'm frightened."
He put his arm around her. "I know. If you don't want to, we won't. But you have been frightened before and have gotten through it, even enjoyed what scared you."
"I know. But this feels different somehow. It's like we're going to open a door that can't be closed. I think I'm afraid that I will like it."
"...and if you like it, you'll want to try it again."
"Yes. I don't think I will be the same person after this one."
"Dear, everything we do changes us in some way. Remember how frightened you were of accepting Christ? You knew it would change you in a fundamental way and weren't sure you would like the change."
"Yes, I remember. I was right too. It changed me, more than anything else ever did or could."
"Not accepting him changes people too. Remember Steve Miller? He changed too, after he rejected Christ. It was more subtle than your change when you said yes, but it was a change."
"Yes," she responded, the word coming out slowly as she pondered what he was getting at.
"Every decision changes us. The choice for us is not, do we change by acting this one out, but which change will we experience, the one that comes from yes, or the one that comes from no?"
"But I don't know what I'll be like after."
"No you don't. Not after either decision. What I do know is that I will still love you with all my heart, no matter what you choose. And the choice is yours to make. It's your body going under the whip, not mine."
"I need time. I can't choose right now."
"No problem. I understand that it's a hard decision to make. You take all the time you need. If you need to talk more, we can talk. When you're ready, you tell me what the decision is."
"Okay."
The weekend passed with no decision on her part. Charlene struggled with the whole idea. As she looked at the fantasy, it dawned on her that it wasn't exactly the pain she was frightened. It was the reasons that she was accumulating for saying yes. Part of her wanted to say yes simply because it was one of George's fantasies. It being HIS desire seemed to make it hers. She was beginning to see accepting the whipping as an expression of love towards George. Was that even possible?
Tuesday night, she had an idea. If there were so many people out there that did this that someone felt the need to write an instruction manual, maybe there were other sources of information out there as well. Charlene followed several conservative political blogs. She found herself wondering if there were blogs by people who let themselves be whipped or those who did the whipping. Wednesday, she called into the clinic, saying she would not be available that day.
Getting on the net, she started a search on google. The first thing she realized was that she would have to disable her blocking software. It seemed that Cyberpatrol considered sexual games as inappropriate. It took about 15 minutes to narrow the search down enough to get an assortment of blogs by 'submissives' and 'dominant' that she could look at. The first thing that struck her was the incredible variety. Hetero, gay, bi, multiple subs, multiple doms, part time, full time, varying levels of monogamy. The levels of activity involved seemed to be as numerous as the number of blogs.
Some were hard to take. There seemed to be no... relationship between some of the people involved. Some of it was very much like casual sex, only, it was casual dehumanization and objectification. Some, however, seemed to confirm that the feelings she as having were not unheard of. One, written by a young lady calling herself Cherry (Charlene smiled at that one), was very clear on the emotions that were involved when she 'submitted' to her dominant. Her 'Daddy" (that term bothered Charlene, making her think of pedophilia, even though that was clearly not happening here) clearly loved her and wanted what was best for her. Cherry trusted him enough that she accepted his actions and directives even when she did not understand them. Another, written by a wife that submitted to her husband, echoed her feelings exactly. That lady, who called herself pure-blue, submitted because she loved him deeply and felt that doing so was right for them.
What struck her was the sheer enormity of the blogs written by people in a 24/7 submission. They didn't play so much, as they lived this life. There were only a couple of blogs written by part timers, as she thought of them. Those blogs talked almost exclusively about the physical sensations involved in 'scenes.' When they did talk about their reasons, it ended up being about personal satisfaction. There was nothing wrong about that, it just did not speak to Charlene.
Charlene knew now what her decision would be. If she said no, she would always wonder what it would have been like. Yes, she was afraid of how she would react, what she would become once it had happened. She was more frightened, however, of not saying yes. While reading the blogs, she had become aware of an emptiness inside of herself; deep inside. She no longer wanted to do this, she needed to.
That night, she told George. "I want to do it, the whipping fantasy," she announced once dinner was done.
