Chapter 1
She closed her eyes and let her mind drift back to that Sunday. It had been late in the evening when she found out. Looking back, maybe her finding out was what he had always intended; maybe he couldn't bring himself to confront her with the issue head on, so left a trail; the light left on in the office, the computer not closed down, browser history not cleaned off. It was the sort of invitation that a curious and intelligent woman would find difficult to resist.
She laid back, splashed some of the bath water over her breasts and took in the smell of the scented candles. That Sunday was now six weeks ago. By the end of the week after the discovery she had checked out all the sites he had visited, made notes, followed threads, and compared experiences. Two days later she had made the decision to talk to him.
Lauren knew there would never be a right time or a right place, just the best time and the best place. It turned out to be three days later. They had eaten late, shared a bottle of wine and the mood music just seemed right. It helped that she had drunk an extra glass of wine to normal; sometimes that's all it takes. She nuzzled up real close, ran her fingers through his hair
"Steve," she said quietly stroking his arm
Maybe it was the way she said his name, but suddenly he felt tense, unsure. He looked into her eyes but they provided no clue. Her face too was a total blank
"Yes."
His voice sounded distant, detached, as if he were preparing himself emotionally.
"You remember the other night, the night when you left the computer running - - - ."
She paused, turning away to compose herself before she continued.
"Did you mean me to go to those websites?"
For a while he looked away, said nothing, before eventually turning full toward her.
"Lauren, I think we need to talk."
She looked deep into his eyes and spoke with the gentlest of voices
"Yes my love, I think maybe we do."
At first they talked around the issues, rather than about the issues. They each picked their words carefully, each probing the other; testing sensitivities; checking on boundaries. He explained how he felt, explained that he had felt that way for a long time, just kept it to himself, fantasised. He explained as best he could why he thought he felt as he did. This was the part she found most difficult to understand. She mainly listened, comparing it to what she had learned from the websites, recognising his feelings and thoughts from what she had seen. He spoke quickly as if he needed to get it all off his chest in one go, release all his pent up emotions, make her aware of his fantasises. All the while he spoke his eyes were directed at the floor; then suddenly it was over and a strange peace seemed to envelope the room.
She took hold of his hand and gently squeezed it, her voice now little more than a whisper
"I guess we all have our little quirks," she said, "we just need to work through them - - - if we can."
He nodded slowly, his eyes still downcast.
At the beginning, when she first viewed the postings on the websites, it had all seemed so bizarre, so way out, that she had wanted to pinch herself to check that everything was real. Much of it, even now, she still found strange and unreal, but also she felt a strange intrigue, a desire to explore beyond her normal boundaries; to visit and experience the unknown.
"In order for me to fully think this through, you will have to tell me truly your needs," she said, "only then can I make the decision you require. You speak of female domination and I fully understand that you are not unique in having these fantasises, but from what I have seen these seem to vary from one person to another. There is much written about feminisation, is this something that turns you on?"
"No, it is not something that interests me."
For the first time in a long while his composure seemed to be improving.
She smiled, "good, that is a relief. And what about cuckolding?"
"That is more difficult."
"I see, but is it something, were I to be interested, that you would consider."
"Consider - - - yes, possibly, although it would be difficult."
"Difficult, but if it was my wish, you would consider it?"
"If it was your wish then I could not deny you your pleasure?"
"So, should I wish to pleasure myself with another man's cock, you would not deny me that pleasure."
"Your pleasure is all that matters."
"Really - - - wow."
A wicked smile crossed her face.
"Of course everything is about control and domination, how would you see that working out on a practical day to day level?"
"That's a difficult one. I think emotionally I will always want you to dominate me." He paused. "I guess what I am trying to say, is that sometimes, in fact much of the time, it will be kind of passive; just an awareness between the two of us without any physical expression."
"And what about the other times?"
"I think they would be more overt."
"How do you mean?"
"To me it is all about you expressing yourself; your dominance, your control."
She remembered the regalia; the rituals; the strict obedience required that she had read about
"You mean by me requiring you to kneel before me, address me as mistress, that sort of thing?"
"Yes."
"And that is important to you?"
For the first time in a long while, he looked directly into her eyes and held her gaze.
"Yes, without signals we cannot move from the passive stage to the overt stage and it is the thought of the physical expression of your domination that turns me on."
She nodded slowly, then rose from her seat beside him on the floor and walked across to the window. She stood quite still, looking through the fading light into the distance; across the fields and beyond them to the small copse at the top of the lane. He looked intently at her as she turned back toward him, then her heard her voice.
"I now understand what female domination means generally and to you in particular. Now I need to think things through, make sure of my own feelings, then I will let you know my decision. Give me just a few days."
