Bent

Author's Note: The story below is 100% real. This series is intended to document my journey into submission at the direction of Miss Gia. All participants and activities described below are real. Much of the writing involves the psychological aspects of submission from the perspective of the sub, not just the physical interaction. If you are looking for an unadulterated over the top fantasy, this is not the story for you. If you want a true glimpse into honest submission... what it looks like... how it feels... the good, the bad, and the ugly... keep reading.

*****

"You are my Domme, Miss Gia, and I will respect the assignments you give me." Those were the words spilling out of my mouth, over and over again at her command. The needle she was pushing into my chest was about the 12th by my count. It was hard to tell for sure with the blindfold on. The needles frightened me, and they hurt, but the whip had been worse. I'd never been whipped with a single tail whip before... Until about an hour ago.

What a mess.

It was going to get worse.

How the hell did I get here?

Oh yeah, I decided to play with fire.

What a mistake.

The problem started exactly two weeks ago. She had strapped on a purple cock and made me worship it. Not just for a few seconds, but for quite a long time. She made me suck it and lick it like a dirty whore. Made me gag on it. Made my humiliate myself over and over telling her how much I loved that cock. By the time we were done my knees and my mouth were raw.

Then she grabbed my phone.

She took two videos of me being her dirty cock sucking slut. When she was finished, she told me to post them online before our next session. I mentally planned to do that Sunday night. I would have time.

Should have thought that one through a little better.

We always play on Tuesday. Not this week though. We had plans to play again on Saturday at a cabin on the lake. That session took a lot of planning to get ready for, and to be honest, I just forgot about publishing the videos. It wasn't meant as disrespect, it was just that I had it planned for Sunday originally and hadn't given it another thought. Normally getting it done on Sunday would be fine.

As we played that Saturday night, she knew the video had not been uploaded yet. She punished me for it. She made me humiliate myself for it. She locked me in a chastity device for it. When she finally let me take it off, she had mercy and let me cum, then made me humiliate myself licking it up.

I was still horrified though.

To forget something like that.

Even days later I felt like such a failure.

I don't pretend she owns the sub inside me. She DOES own him. She has for a long time now. How could I make such a mistake? She had punished me, but I thought I deserved more.

That was my mistake.

Thinking.

I have written this over and over, but I just can't seem to get it. Thinking is not my place. My place is to be her sub. The only thinking that should require is the thinking she assigns me.

I let myself think though. Dangerous thoughts. I thought that if I once again failed to post the video, she would punish me again. Give me what I HAD DECIDED I deserved. I even mentioned this to her. She just smiled and asked me if I really wanted to play with that kind of fire?

Our next session was almost a week and a half away. I was proud of myself. How brave of me to step up and take that punishment. How fucking noble.

What a fool.

I start get the vibe for a session about 2-3 days out. When it started to hit me, I thought about her words. "playing with fire". A little fear snuck in. That was OK. I like a little fear. But then something else struck me. How disrespectful of my Domme was I being? Holy hell, this wasn't noble. It was my way of taking control. It was too late to post the video now though. I would have to edit it (it was too long) and then post it. I just didn't have time.

As Miss Gia and I texted about session details, I could feel "pissed off Domme" right through the phone. I wasn't a little scared now. I was worried. Let's call it what it was... panic.

I texted her an apology. I meant every word. She gave what I could tell was a hollow thank you, and a challenge. If I was truly sorry, post the video before tomorrow.

I didn't have time, but I made time. I just can't use the "don't have time" excuse on her. She is too important. I was still terrified of the punishment to come. The terror was getting worse. I knew uploading the video wouldn't do a thing to lessen it, but I least I didn't feel as disrespectful.

Finally it was Tuesday. I wake up every Tuesday and the first thought in my brain is how much I love Tuesday. My day to be Miss Gia's bitch. Today was different though. I was still glad it was session day, but I was full on scared.

By the time I had the toys laid out and was sitting on the couch in just the panties she had instructed me to wear I was resolved. My head was in my hands as she walked in the door. I knew better than to look up. I just stared at the table in front of me as she started to unload her bag.

She casually tossed something in front of me.

A blindfold.

OK, I hate blindfolds, but I can live when that.

Then came the whip.

Single tail. Leather. Right in front of my face.

My heart skipped a beat.

She didn't talk long, but her words were stern. I had played a game, and she didn't like games. This was not a game to her, and that was a lesson she was about to teach me.

She made me lean over the couch with my hands on the back. She started with the crop. The first blow hit just below the small of my back. I felt like it cut me when it landed. The second hit just where the first had.

It wasn't long until I used the safe word. She called me on it and told me that would not fly tonight. She did show a little mercy and let me rest for a minute, but that was about it. I made the decision I would not use it again.

The beating continued.

I honestly don't remember the specifics of the beating that followed. I do remember the first lashes of the whip. How it stung. How it bit. The next thing I remember I was in the floor on my hands and knees. I wasn't in tears. I was worse. Crying out of control and screaming into the carpet. I would guess she had been beating me for 45 minutes or so. I had lost track.

She took mercy on me then. Mercy I didn't deserve.

The next half hour was a cool down. She let me massage her back. We talked about what I had done wrong. How I could fix it. How I could be better. It was beautiful peace, compared to the violence of the first hour. She was working her magic. Teaching me how good it was to please, after showing me the cost of not.

"You know your punishment is not over," she said.

I did.

Next came the needles. I had never seriously played with them before. She stuck them in the area around my nipple and up my chest. Maybe 20 in total.

The needles hurt, but it was a different kind of pain. The pain of the crop and the whip is powerful. Sometimes arousing, but usually it is the end of that pain that arouses me. The needles were different. I got rock hard while she worked them in.

The most powerful part of that punishment was that she didn't restrain me. She made me stay still for it. How powerful that was! I love to take it for her... whatever it might be at the moment.

My mind drifted away... I thought about all the times she had broken me to tears. I wanted that so badly. I wanted her to push me. I wanted her to make me scream. Make me beg. Take my safe word away. Harsh. Demanding. Screams. Tears. Real honest punishment with no mercy.

Dare I tell her how much I secretly long for these things?

No. She know it already I think, but the words would not come from my lips tonight.

"You won't be cuming tonight. In fact, you won't be cuming until we play again on Saturday," she said. I hated it, but I had resigned myself to that fact before she walked it the door that night.

"I'm going to cum enough for both of us between now and then," she announced.

My instructions were simple. I was to text her links to my favorite porn. I would watch it without cuming. She would watch it and get off multiple times. To reinforce this, she took me to the bed and had me "Practice". I pulled up a video and she let me touch myself. I was soooo close to cuming. I thought for a second about an "accident," but I just couldn't do it. I'm too deep in for that sort of disobedience now.

So here I sit... 24 hours later... working on the last part of my punishment. 1,000 words on our time together. Due by midnight. Actually, 1,584 words and counting. Done 100 minutes early. I don't know if the punishment and the teaching is over, but I know now that I have endured enough that at least I am forgiven.