Candles flickered in the darkness as I watched my master enter the room and slowly walk to me. I knelt on a thin pillow in front of his chair that he allowed me, waiting for him to come to bed. I had prepared the room just how he liked it and had finished all I normally did for bed and any service that had been requested of me. Everything was in readiness for master, including me. I wore nothing but his collar and the white-gold-stud earrings he had given to me for the three piercing I had in each ear. My long blond hair fell over my shoulders and down my back, to my hips.
Many nights master would have me dance for him, but he hadn't requested that I dance and had instead told me that I was just to wait for him. I wasn't sure what he had planned for me on this cold winter night, but as always, I was prepared for anything. It was my place, a place I had willingly chosen, as submissive to be prepared to meet any need my master had.
It had taken some time for me to accept my submissiveness and the need I had deep within my inner core, to be submissive. I hadn't known just how submissive I could be until I met master and in fact, had anyone suggested I was submissive before him; I would have told them they were crazy!
I had met master at work where I managed of a large trucking office and he was one of the drivers. At work I was in a place of authority with a great deal of responsibility and there was nothing submissive about me until I got to know master and he helped me understand myself and life in a way I had never been exposed to or knew of. For anyone who knew me, they wouldn't believe how I now lived my life outside of work, family and friends.
Master had helped me see past the social thinking of dominance and submission and helped me to see how very beautiful the lifestyle of bdsm was. I had learned to see how people were naturally dominant and submissive and how some flowed from one to another, all at varying degree's and also how much society functioned in a dominant/submissive structure. Once I saw the beauty of it all, there was no turning back for me. I came to an inner peace from the knowledge I had gained and within my own submissiveness to master. I felt more at home in my own skin than I ever had and that was saying something, since I had always felt comfortable with myself. There was a depth to my acceptance of myself than I had never known before and I knew I had only touched on the surface of it all!
Master came and sat in his chair where I knelt and smiled gently as I closely watched his expressions for any indication of what might be going on with him. I longed to meet his needs in every way and I had learned to anticipate his needs. I had been in training for the last six months and was proud of myself, for master was very pleased with how quickly I learned him and learned to obey and serve. Master had taught me many things and although I knew there was a great deal more to learn, I knew he was pleased with my efforts. It had been a difficult process at times, as I struggled to retain my independence and I had a rough time answering to him. I often with a look or word opposed him, not understanding why I was to act as he dictated or do a certain thing. I soon learned that I was only seeing one aspect of things, when master had in mind, many.
Each night I prepared the room for master to sleep in, but I didn't remain in the room and though I wanted to remain, I slept in another part of the house. I had wanted to make love to master from the start, but he wouldn't allow it. Somehow he seemed to know exactly what I needed and when, despite my own thoughts about it all. In my life before master, I would have been sexually involved with a man I had gotten to know so well and wanted, but master had shown me the many benefits of waiting for such things. Although I knew that in this too, I had only touched the surface and through it all, I had learned a great deal.
I hungered for satisfaction of my sexual wants and that hunger would rise up at times to consume me, but so far I had been able to hold back and shut down. I had to shut down or go insane! I was very sexual and had had a very active sex life before master and he wanted to temper me and take my focus off sexual things and self. Still there had been times when I couldn't shut off and my body was alive with need that seemed to overwhelm and made me think I couldn't do it. Yet, I was able to control it with his help and I hadn't had any problems with it all in the last two months.
Master stroked my hair, looking into my eyes as if he could peer into my soul. I actually felt as if he was touching my soul at times. He knew me. He knew me well and better than I had ever known myself. He controlled everything in my life, from what I ate to what I did and although I had fought him in the beginning, I learned quickly to trust him, for when I did; I found a peace I had never known. There was a hunger in me to please him and to make him proud of me. I couldn't explain the need, but it was very real. When his gentle brown eyes looked at me and his warm and tender smile touched me it took me into and through so many emotions, I still couldn't define them all. All I knew was that is was comfortable, safe, challenging and exciting all at the same time!
I loved him.
As master watched me and I him and he stroked my fine and smooth hair, I wondered what he had planned for me. I knew that he had something different planned, but had no idea what it could be. I had given up trying to figure out what he was planning because that was often based from selfish thinking or desires and I slowly accepted a new focus in life and all things. Master's wants, needs and service in meeting them. I went from thinking of myself at most times, to thinking of master first and foremost, with very little thought to myself. I was human and did think of self, but my self importance had diminished considerably. I loved myself, but wasn't focused on self. There was a huge difference! So as master stroked my hair and I wondered, I didn't wonder out of selfishness, but more out of curiosity and a need to please him.
"Girl." He softly spoke the name he called me that made me all tingly inside.
"Yes master?" I whispered as was expected when I spoke in his bedroom.
"Come sit in master's lap girl."
I happily nodded my head and said yes sir, and slowly moved from my knees to stand and then ease myself upon his wide lap. He didn't often call me to his lap, so when he did, I felt a rush of excitement and sometimes I couldn't help but feel some expectation of what was to come. I settled upon his lap and he guided my arm around his neck, stabilizing me and bringing me to a closer fit against him.
Master kissed my temple and held me closer than he ever had and I couldn't help it, but my body jumped to life. It was as if, instantly, I burned in need for him! He laughed and I knew that he knew exactly what I felt, for we had been through many situations just as this one. I smiled in unaccustomed shyness and continued to watch his face.
