The online dating world can be challenging at best down to completely frustrating most of the time. If you are a man, it is downright impossible to navigate. Too many pitfalls, not enough mermaids. Something I forgot as I have not been in need of this type of service for years but had recently joined a non vanilla "off the beaten path" website to quash a specific need. An alternative lifestyle website catering to power exchange or in plain English catering to dominants and submissives.
I am a European man in my late 50's, educated, world traveled, fairly bright (even if sometimes that brightness doesn't shine through) and dominant. I like being in charge or should I say:
"I liked being in charge."
I have been the dominant one in each and every relationship I have been involved in over the years. Nothing more thrilling than to slowly bring your partner to enjoy and crave some of the sexual activities I like. Nothing is more exhilarating than to push some of the limits and see your partner discovering new sensations, new pleasure.
But for some reasons, unknown to me at this time, I have felt the need to relinquish that power to another person, preferably a dominant woman who can show me the path that leads to submission and complete surrender. The pull to surrender has been in the back of my mind for a couple of years now and time has come to act on it.
Is it due to aging? Hormone imbalance? Stress? Repressed fantasies? Being in charge all day in my business? I do not have an answer for you or even for me! I just know I had a longing need, a vision in my head, a burning desire in the pit of my stomach... well not really the stomach... I am sure you can figure that one out!
So I joined an alternative lifestyle website trying to fulfill that Quest... and no... My name is not Don Quixote... But it could be... The odds of finding that golden nugget are lower than the ones to win the Poweball or a jackpot in Las Vegas...Close to zero. But like gambling if you do not play you have no chances to win... So here I went... throwing dices on a crap table and hoping for the best while I log in and set up my profile. I have always been a straight forward person and my profile feels dry to the bone. But what can I say... It is just me and as the say goes:
"You cannot teach an old dog a new tricks"
... Oh Boy! How wrong am I going to be on that one!
The first few days were spent browsing people's profiles and figuring out what I really wanted. Lots of profiles felt fake or manufactured. Some profiles have the same photos with different user names showing in various states, others read the same. I tended to stay away from profile without photos fully aware that some profile photo may be fake. Anyone can download a photo from the internet and use it as theirs. I did write an introduction email to broadcast as wide as possible to see who and what was out there.
With no expectation to begin with, I knew I wouldn't be disappointed despite the lingering hope... Just in case...Who knows!
A few answers came back following my first introduction. A few chats started. One sounded promising! Two days spent chatting. Hope rising. Until the crushing blow... Before we meet, I need to buy toys to use only with you. I will send you a link. I will need $$$$.
No... It was not about the money... It was about sending money to a complete stranger that would meet you once you send $250, $500, $750 to buy toys, rent a dungeon or just to show how serious you are. You can imagine that these chats stopped right there. A nicely written response I cannot mention here as I am afraid it might not be very appropriate to this audience and the chat stopped. After a while a pattern in the chats started to emerge and within a few exchanges I could tell where the discussion was going... Nowhere!
The thought of just cancelling the subscription due to the overwhelming numbers of fake profiles was just in the forefront of my thoughts. Why am I wasting my time, keeping my hope up when I have so much to focus on in my daily life? Can you spell
"Lust"
I had a business trip set up to go to Telluride in Colorado and one of the profile of a dominant woman was located in that city. The tagline was simple but full of sarcasm. Just my kind of woman. Unfortunately it looks like that person has not been online for a while but it never hurt to send an email. The worst that can happen is no answer.
To my surprise I did get an answer a few days later... First thoughts were... Is this another scammer? Doesn't cost anything to engage in a conversation and see.
Do you remember when I was talking about odds? Looks like I should have been playing in Vegas! The conversation started differently than all the previous ones. This one went on for a long time. Over a month! Close to two months!
Our exchanges were refreshing, exhilarating, funny, silly, genuine and true. Our chat covered the whole gamut of life without being sexual at all... Go figure... You meet on an adult website but do not talk about sex or fantasies but art, music, business, daily discussion we all have at the water cooler. I have read our exchanges multiple times and still crack up to some of the underlying jokes or quirky responses we traded. Our sense of humor almost identical.
What were the odds? Can someone remind me?
Part of me felt alive for the first time in a long, long time. I try to keep my mind out of the equation. Do I have questions, doubt and reservations? Yes... How can a virtual connection feel so real? How a 50+ years old human being can feel like a teenager again? A crush? An attraction? Hopefully mutual! But still virtual! The only shadow I see is my own reflection in my computer screen late at night when I cannot sleep. Her presence heavy on my mind but invigorating. Just the thoughts of her are making me a better man, more focused at work, at home. Doing choirs I would have pushed to tomorrow. Even if the virtual relationship were to end for any reason, she would be help in my memory and I would try to remember how good it felt.
The longing of a physical touch is becoming unbearable. The promises of finally being at the mercy of a dominant woman, in sight, but out of reach, frustrating. A mental torture inflicted by a cunning woman. The desperation she mentioned when we started chatting making a lot more sense now. The mirage in the desert! Hallucinations? Potential reality? The mind is a powerful tool and can play tricks on the best of us.
At some point you feel like a fish. Hooked and being reeled in but very slowly. Agonizingly slow. You would think the fish would fight but it was gutted of his will power, longing to be reeled faster. The only thought in his mind is to be guided, trained to please the person in charge of the pole. Waiting to be pulled into a net and molded the way its handler desires. Did I mention "desperation?"
And then the day came!
Out of the blue a message dropped in the inbox. The computer chimed. You rush like a well-trained Pavlov's dog knowing who sent you a message. Expecting the daily
"Hello... How are you today?"
Instead she sent that long awaited message: A time and an address followed by a wicked smiling emoji.
A message sent just before bedtime, knowing the effect it will have on her prey. Knowing his night will be mostly sleepless filled with thoughts of her. His mind restless with anticipation, anxiety and excitement preparing for a long awaited meeting.
The wait is over.
The virtual world is about to turned into reality. The screen about to disappear replaced by a leather-clad Goddess.
A dream comes through! So ... Why is fear, embarrassment and doubt creeping into his mind? Is he having cold feet? Buyer remorse? Knowing that the mental thoughts and emotions are about to become physical sensations. Pleasure might be turning into pain. Pain might be turning into pleasure. The appeal of the unknown fascinating him, drawing him to the edge of a cliff he knows will have no turning back. Just a straight fall to his knees at the feet of his new Goddess. The owner of his thoughts, his will, his entire being. Robbed from any free will except to will to please her.
Goddess wanted to make that moment special. After all it was going to be his first time kneeling in front of her. His first time submitting to someone and to her in particular. She was planning to keep him, to make him hers for weeks? Months? Years to come? The age difference is significant but the attraction is there and his willingness to become hers unmistakable.