This was the hard part. It always was. Since the moment, his daughter had been born at least. Mikael hated the 'good-byes' that came with this job. But this morning, he had more reason than ever to hate them. Watching as she tucked the blanket about Monika, he drew them both tighter into his embrace as if he could memorize the feel of them against his body. His wife and his child. He frowned.
Fuck! His children? Damn it, the thought had not even occurred to him last night. As much as he had promised himself he would not, he had entered the 'sperm wars' with his brother. As much as he loved her, and he knew he did, even if he could not yet bring himself to say those words to her, this one still bothered him.
A part of him had always wondered, been concerned that he was somehow to blame for Monika's condition. And the couple of articles that he had read online when he started researching autism after learning of Kirsty's job, the ones that postulated a link to genetics and in particular to the father, they still ate away at what might otherwise be happiness.
He knew she loved Monika. For the first time since his daughter began acting different, he was confident too that together they would find a way to reach her. Hell, they already were. But what if? He did not, could not even go there. Not now. Not with this gods be damned surprise trip already looming over him. But he knew too, it was something he needed to think about. Perhaps even something they should talk about, she of all people would know more.
And if? As much as he loved his daughter...as he loved her...was he prepared to vacate the field? To simply welcome nephews and nieces...to never share that physical bond with her? He remembered how beautiful Greta had been when she carried Monika. Even before, how hot the thought of Kirsty's body ripening with a child...even if it was not his, had made him.
He smiled, perhaps he should add pregnant and lactating women to his fucking fetish list. Thinking of how ripe her tits would get as her tummy grew larger and larger, he felt his cock harden. How the fuck was that even possible after last night and this morning? But it did. Yes, he definitely had to add that to his fetish list.
He would have a few days to play it all over in his head. Come to a decision, perhaps do a bit more research. But right now, he had something else to do as he stopped their little band. Their little family just inside the tree range that partially blocked the view from the boat.
"Why are we stopping here?" she asked as he turned her in his arms.
"We say our farewells here, elskling. Baby brother is having enough trouble with the jealousies that he never saw our fathers fight through. And you look enough like a woman, who had been well-loved all night as it is. I will not make this harder for him by hearing what I have to say to you now," he said as he bent and brushed a kiss over her lips.
He sighed as her free hand came up to caress his beard, he might have found another damned one to add to that list. Fuck it, she was his biggest fetish. "I have said this before... Jag är ledsen, I am sorry. We had agreed to give you more time before we went to sea. And I know you do not want to hear this, but my brother is just running scared."
He turned his face into that hand and pressed a kiss to her palm. "If you had the patience and wisdom to see through my walls, I am pleading with you find that to give to Sven too. What you see as rejecting you, I understand as the fear that it is, elskling."
He ran his fingers across the corner of the pure white bandage that covered his mark upon her. "Just as this is my promise to you, know that I will do all in my power to help him see that. To know that lov..." He stuttered over those words. He had been so fucking determined not to use them. Not yet. But what other words were there? What could even come close to what they had shared?
He sighed as he shook his head in surrender, "That loving you is worth the risk."
She nodded her head as those blue eyes clouded over once more, "I will try. That is all I can promise. It is just that..." She stammered as she jostled his daughter, their daughter on her hip. "Just that I could always see glimpses with you. When you were with her, when the bad boy fell away. I could almost see your pain hanging like a cloud over you."
He saw a tear trail down her cheek, "He won't let me in. I tried. Honest, I did. He just won't bend." Her voice was thick as he brushed the tear away.
He drew them closer and placed a kiss on their heads. First his little girl's light brown curls then her waves of flames. "Take care of her...and of you. No dropping. If you feel at all low, teary, go to Mama. She knows how to handle things. She will listen, make you her teas and probably feed you another of those trashy romance novels that the two of you seem to like so damned much."
She chuckled, "I would not knock those damned books if I were you. They got me interested in kink," her cheeks flamed that tell-tale scarlet as she stammered, "A few of them even got me hot for the idea of brothers."
His mouth dropped open in shock, "Holy fuck! You're joking right?" His shock was so genuine that he had been unable to even filter his language in front of his child. Who would have thought that women's romances could be so erotic?
She shook her head, "Nope, you ought to see a couple of the chapters in Raquel Graffen's books. She may not use words as dirty as you do, but the meaning is the same." She stood on tip toes as she whispered so that his daughter did not hear, "Chapter 10 of My Brother's Keeper, if you dare. I think you might find the menage action in that one quite erotic. And if you are talking to Bjorn anyway..." her voice trailed off as she drew back with an unusual smile on her face.
Had his wife just suggested what he thought she was? Sure, they all knew that eventually their marriage included that kind of sharing too. But that was down the line, once things were more settled. They were more secure in things... Was Kirsty actually suggesting that she was ready for that already?
He did not have the time to ask as Monika began to fidget and his parents appeared from behind him. Damn, did he have lots to think about on this trip. A few days might not be enough for him either. Especially to come to terms with the idea of watching his bratty baby brother make love to the woman he loved. They loved, he corrected himself. They all loved, he added as they broke through the trees into the clearing.
One look at his brothers' faces told him, this trip was not going to be a pleasant one. Which of his brothers was in a more foul mood he could not be certain? And though he understood how both of them felt, even though he shared Bjorn's jealousy and had known first hand Sven's fear, still he could not help but smile with her arm wrapped tightly about his waist and his daughter cradled in her arms.
***
Bjorn scowled as the small band cleared the trees. Seeing the woman, who had born, educated and raised him, on the arm of his uncle was an all too real reminder that nothing he thought he knew was real. But the sight of his brother with his arm wrapped so protectively around the woman he had chosen, the one he loved, his wife was even worse.
The deepest pain though was the look on her face. He knew that fucking look. He had seen it before...when she looked at him. The fact that it was his brother on the receiving end of it this time felt like a bad vampire movie where they ripped the beating heart from the creature, yet still it lived. That was how he felt in that moment...dead inside, ice cold and full of rage.
The smug look on his eldest brother's face as they finished storing away supplies for this trip only made things worse. Salt in the wound was too mild a comparison...rubbing alcohol was more accurate. "Short trip? Sure you do not wish to keep him from her for longer?" Sven goaded the bull.
Bjorn dropped the tool box that he was carrying...on his brother's foot. "Sorry about that," he half smiled.
Sven cried out on pain and stared at him with both hands fisted at his side. But the group was on board the ship before his brother could say or do anything. Both their attention were drawn to her. Bjorn swore under his breath. If what he had seen as they came out of the woods was not bad enough, she fucking glowed with their niece in her arms and their brother wrapped like a security blanket about both of them.
"You are late," his eldest brother rebuked Mikael. But the man was having none of it, as he ignored the remark and kissed his daughter. Bjorn knew that leaving the child always tore him up. He supposed he should be glad, they all should be, that this time at least she had Kirsty.
When his brother turned and kissed their wife, Bjorn wished he had not been so rash with the tool box. Mikael made a much better target than Sven. He strained to hear the exchange between them, but only caught "Remember what I said."
She bit her lower lip and tried to smile as she nodded, "Yes, Sir. I will try."
"That's my good girl," this time it was Bjorn, whose hands were enclosed in fists at his side as he fought for control.
Then she handed his niece to her father and turned to him. She stepped away from Mikael and Monika as Olaf went to find Sven and his mother said something to his brother. He swallowed the lump that threatened to cut off his airway as she stepped closer to him. She stopped just in front of him. Her hand reached for his as she laced her fingers through his and gave him a gentle squeeze.
"Promise me that you will be careful, please?" he saw the tears that she was fighting back just then and his heart melted a bit, the anger and tension drained away just a bit. How could he possibly be upset? Not with her anyway.
And with his brother? How could he begrudge Mikael any happiness and comfort that she might offer him after all he had been through? He felt like a truly selfish bastard at the moment, but he could not deny he was still jealous, just a bit anyway.
"I promise," he replied as he brushed the hair back from her face as the wind whipped it about them. He reached up to draw her coat closed tighter about her, when he noticed the white bandage peeking from beneath the edge of her top. He frowned, "You had an accident? What happened? Are you okay?"
