Application for a Whipping

By the numbers I am 5'10", 172 lbs, relatively slim, generally supple, with a patina from age and an active life. My bottom, unfortunately, is small and not very meaty and I have the basically tubular torso so common to males.

Describe your general medical history. Information which could impact scenes would include heart, circulatory or neurological conditions, communicable diseases or infections, back or joint problems, disabilities and so on:

I'm in good health. Only thing troublesome is that I can throw out my back if I try to move in too many planes at the same time.

Describe your mental health. Areas of interest to Me would be histories of abuse in family or relationships, use of controlled or recreational substances and whether any problems you recognize have been addressed in therapy or some other way. If you are aware of suffering from PTSD, let Me know that so I can avoid triggering responses which might jeopardize our respective safety:

Mental health is problematic; here I am soliciting someone to whip me, so it's kind of disingenuous to say I have sterling mental health. I don't use drugs; occasionally numb out with alcohol but never get sloppy drunk. My father abandoned the family when I was about 15, I'm the only one of his eight children who stayed in touch with him (albeit at arms length). It is a complex story with some lingering issues, but it was a long time ago and I have been able to put it in perspective. I have tried therapy three times in my long life, and though I got a few important insights, the practitioners were so not me that it wasn't much help in the long run. PTSD has been suggested, but if I have it, it is the mild sort that happens in normal life, nothing compared to the original diagnosis "shell shock". I have thought a great deal about my psychology and the expression of masochism and anal submission in myself, and in many ways have concluded that it is a personal balancing mechanism--whatever its origins and development.

Your hard limits: no blood, no extensive skin damage, no ball busting, no needles

Soft limits: I am sure I will discover some, but don't have any in mind

(I respect the use of a safe word. However, I prefer clear communication and I monitor those in session closely. I find that a sub will err on the side of stoic rather than safety and by the time they need to safe out, they don't have the ability to.) Safeword if any:

I don't like safewords. I tend toward the stoic side. I count on you to know when to pull back and when to intensify.

Describe your best/worst experiences:

One of the best was the first time I engaged a domme when I was 42 and visited the Dominion in LA. The mistress walked me through all the awkwardness, gave me a vigorous taste of different positions and implements, and I left glowing with the breakthrough of finally having the experience I had been imagining since childhood. She was compassionate, and I think a bit excited to take my masochist virginity.

Another was with a gay man who was going to spank me, and somehow in our emails he mentioned figging, so I prepared a plug of ginger root. He spanked really hard and painfully and I embraced it and just stuck my bottom out for more. Then he said he should open me up a bit before inserting the plug, and his hand took me to sensual and emotional places that I had never experienced. We met several times, and it was always good--no sex, he just like dominating men those particular ways. [I know you do not engage in that kind of play, but you asked.]

The bad experiences have been with pros who are distracted, too deep into their own trip maybe, and sort of just go through the motions. I had one experience in PDX where I should have run, it was so dark and gothic, and she was so spacy that I couldn't get into the session because I was thinking all the time about what she might do.

Describe one or two of your strongest, recurrent fantasies:

The most dominant fantasy that I have had in varying particulars for much of my life is to be sent for a severe dose of corporal punishment on my bottom, decided by someone else, over which I have no say. Variants are being sent to the headmasters office, sent to the stables with a sealed note for the groom, taken to the Chateau at Roissy to be used like O. These days it often involves being directed to a dungeon, entering a room where I strip and put on a hood that masks my face, and ankle and wrist cuffs. Rendered anonymous I am led to a spanking bench, horse, post and secured. And as I am exposed and helpless, someone whispers-"this is really going to hurt." The fantasy ends there, because I don't want to be brutally beaten, but artistically and sensitively which will also hurt.

My first concrete fantasy of corporal punishment came from The Story of O when she was first take to Roisy, and then when she was whipped by Anne Marie and her thoughts expressed--O had never really understood, but she had finally come to accept as un undeniable and important verity, this constant and contradictory jumble of her emotions: she liked the idea of torture, but when she was being tortured herself she would have betrayed the whole world to escape it, and yet when it was over she was happy to have gone through it, happier still if it had been particularly cruel and prolonged.

I also have fantasies about short discrete punishments like a birching, lying on a bench and having a switch worn out on my bottom, being over a trestle and absorbing two dozen from a single tail that leaves beautiful welts. I like the implements. So sometimes I just want a five-minute punishment to try something.

This probably makes me sound much more macho than I am. The greatest satisfaction comes from being punished just a little harder than I can bear, not proving anything about how tough I am.

State whether you understand that direct sexual contact will not be part of our sessions together:

Absolutely

Include anything else that you would like to add that you feel is pertinent:

I am a masochist not a submissive. I visualize a female demon inside that needs to have me hurt. If I give her want she wants, life is easier, in balance. Sometimes I can give myself over to her and feel her satisfaction at having me whipped.

I try to be honest in these statements to give you a sense of who I am. I don't like to line out scenes, but rather take things as they come. I'm sure there is much more to communicate.