Ganymede was standing backstage, sweat pouring off of his face. All of the Gods were now seated except for the final all powerful four, and it was his job to announce them so that the evening could officially begin. Zeus and Hera sat impatiently in the Ruby Room waiting to be announced. Ammon-Ra and Hathor had arrived but were in the sapphire room, not wanting to make their presence known until they had been announced, so things were already tense. Hera and the Egyptian Ambassadors had worked for months working out the protocol, and it was finally agreed that Zeus and Hera would be announced first and then Ammon-Ra and Hathor, saving the place of honor of being announced last for the pompous Egyptians. Zeus rolled his eyes in impatience, already hungry and bored as he was not one for such pomp and foolishness, but realized it was a diplomatic necessity. Finally, after everyone was seated, Ganymede stepped out onto the landing at the top of the grand staircase and addressed the room, all of the Gods turning their attention to his presence at the top of the enormous grand bejeweled mezzanine.
"Gods, Goddesses, Nymphs, Satyrs, and assorted dignitaries, may I have your attention please! All rise for his eternal divinity, God of the sky, Creator of the natural order, Master of the Thunderbolt, Bringer of earthquakes, We tiny beings tremb—"
Zeus, tired of waiting, entered before his cue, dragging the reluctant Hera onto the landing and down the stairs, instantly creating a burst of applause in the room. Winking, he turned to Ganymede, red-faced at this breach of protocol, and motioned with his hand to move things along quicker. "Thanks for the announcement Ganymede, but I think everyone knows who we are. Besides, the dinner looks delicious, so let's speed things up and start eating!" This last comment created even more applause to the obvious annoyance of Hera, now glowering ferociously as she was descending the stairs with Zeus.
Ganymede, already sensing the evening was off to a bad start, looked straight into the burning red eyes of a furious Hera being escorted to her chair by her husband. She had spent WEEKS planning this, and already Zeus was wrecking it. Her eyes narrowing and lips pursing she glowered at Zeus. Ganymede turned back to the crowd and cleared his throat. After the applause died down, he took a long sip of water and took out the scroll that had been written for him by his Egyptian counterpart.
"Divinities, we lowly worms on earth tremble" he started. Ganymede, reading a few words ahead, felt his blood run cold. Looking at the length of the prepared statement, and the words it contained, he realized this was going to be a very long and difficult night and wished on the wrath of Lord Chaos he had read this scroll first before now performing it cold. If he had, he might have been able to temper it down a bit, but it was too late, he had to read the script as written.
He continued "and writhe in our odorous filth in awe of his magnificence, the all-powerful Ammon-Ra, and his wife, the most BEAUTIFUL Goddess on earth HATHOR. Her presence and beauty against whom all other women are like furry flea bitten rodents scurrying in the sewage of human excrement, wallowing in the putrescence and disease left behind by the waste of thousands of unwashed slaves. AVERT THY EYES from their divine presence we commandest thou. Droppest thou to thy knees in deference to their awesome Power and Magnificence. Supplicate thy unworthy and pitifully weak will to their divine Justice. Oh shallest we droppeth to the ground weeping in joy that they consent to allow our continued humble existence to continue despite which it mars their divine sight. All hail he whose strength holds up the sky. All hail he whose breath gives life to all beings. All hail.."
As Ganymede droned on, Pan, standing next to his pal Dionysus whispered into his ear "It's a good thing we had those Chulupas beforehand. This might take a while!"
Laughing, Dionysus whispered back "No one could ever accuse the Egyptians of being overly humble or subtle!"
Four hours later, the candles in the palace were significantly lower, pools of wax dripping onto the table. The privately commissioned and very expensive ice sculpture of Ammon-Ra and Zeus, showing them embracing in friendship, had taken over a week to carve. Now it looked more like a blob of two wrestling Centaurs rather than a work of art representing powerful and handsome Gods, as it was rapidly melting. Euphrosyne, her feet aching from having to stand so long, shifted her weight back and forth, noticing out of the corner of her eye Apollo sneaking peeks at her cleavage as her tits swayed back and forth in her low cut gown as she shifted her weight. Gazing down his Toga, she smirked as she saw the tell-tale result of her erotic efforts, a tremendous bulge aching to break free from its silky prison, and one she was so going to so enjoy tormenting once this dinner FINALLY got started.
Ganymede continued to drone on, his face now red, his legs shaking in exhaustion as he kept turning the seemingly endless scroll in his hands. "All hail the master of Pine Trees, whose great green boughs scent the lands of the North. Behold the King and Creator of the noble sea scallop, whose delicious bounty feed the earth with their rubbery goodness..."
Hera anxiously stood next to her husband and watched his neck as they both stood listening to this seemingly infinitely long introduction. They had been married a long time, so she knew his every thought before even he did. She could read him like a book, and the little blue vein on the back of his neck now began to throb she knew there was trouble. This event sent her an unmistakable alarm bell. Zeus was pissed and getting even more pissed as each minute ticked by. This evening was very important and was meant to restore relations between the kingdoms, but now she feared it was going to have the opposite effect.
Zeus and Ammon-Ra hated each other with a bitter boundless passion. Ammon-Ra thought that Zeus was an oversexed nouveau rich redneck from the backwaters of lands teeming with butt fucking shepherds, who also had been caught seducing his innocent daughter. Zeus thought Ammon-Ra was a pompous overbearing effete idiot who ruled over a land of perfumed cross dressing sissy boys. There was a kernel of truth in each other's beliefs about the other, but Hera had to admit, the Egyptians were not off to a great start repairing relations with Zeus. Pompous displays and abject snobbery angered Zeus more than anything on earth.
Ganymede finally was wrapping up, sweat pouring off of him like a waterfall as he was nearing the breaking point of his stamina. "Oh Great Ammon-Ra, in whose hands all life depends, oh great and Holy Eternal God, whose birth and existence gives existential meaning to life, and without whose divine intervention we lowly creatures would still be mired in the muck and filth of the primordial ooze. We beg and plead for your magnificent mercy, pitifully lying prostrate like the lowly dung beetle squirming in the excrement of she-wolves, look kindly on this humble and unworthy display of our affection, respect and worship for your greatness by sitting at this lowly and vulgar table condescending your divinity to indulge in our meek, unworthy, wretched and paltry gifts. WELCOME!"
Once he finished, Ganymede collapsed, joining at least a half dozen other Gods and almost all of the Nymphs who had passed out several hours earlier from sheer exhaustion.
Ammon-Ra, standing at the top of the stairs looked down at the crowd and yawned. "Zeus, Hera, thanks for the invitation. This picnic looks quite lovely, but I think Hathor and I may be a bit over-dressed." Walking down the stairs he waved his hands in the air, magically transforming both he and his wife into new garments. Gone were the glorious golden and diamond encrusted toga and gown they were wearing replaced by more casual wear. Ammon-Ra now was garbed in flip flops, black board shorts and a white T-shirt emblazoned with the words "No Fat Chicks" on the front. Gone was his wife's diamond and ruby encrusted gown replaced by orange satin short shorts and a black tube top, barely large enough to contain her considerable breasts. As they descended the staircase, Egyptian servants swept the stairs before them for dirt while simultaneously tossing rose pedals before their feet. Other servants, each holding braziers of burning sandalwood and cedar swung censers around the Gods as they stepped forward, filling the room with their sweet and spicy aroma.
As they descended, Ammon-Ra continued speaking, his large black beak squawking out his words. "I must compliment you Hera on the party. How could you have known that Hathor and I are so weary of overly fancy displays, and this sort of rustic shindig is like a tonic to us, such a delightful change from the luxury we usually are surrounded by. Nothing could be more appropriate, especially considering WHERE we are, that we kick back and slum it up a bit with the locals. This hall so much reminds me of my rough and simple hunting lodge in Ethiopia, it is almost like I am back on vacation!"
