Back on Olympus, the much anticipated party celebrating the belated return of Persephone was in full swing. Amphrite, true to form, was already tanked, as Dionysius was being extra generous with the Nectar. With him around no one's goblet was ever allowed to remain empty. Everyone as always was having a fantastic time, but Persephone was not her usual ebullient self.
Turning to her sister-in-law, Amphrite was puzzled. "Persephone, you certainly do not seem yourself tonight. Normally we can't get a word in edgewise when you first come back as you are so relieved to be released from your prison, but this year your thoughts definitely seem elsewhere. I can tell you got up to some serious shenanigans this year, sooooo, tell me, did that gorgeous boyfriend of yours Demetrius come back for seconds? I am still waiting for my visit from him!" she laughed.
Persephone took a long swig from her goblet and sighed "No, I was just thinking about poor Hades and missing him, that's all. I wish he could be here".
"Well mark this date down for the history books why don't you!" cried the incredulous Dionysius "This is a first. In the countless years I have known you, I do not believe I have ever heard you say you missed him. Usually you are so relieved to get out of there it takes weeks of hard partying just to get you back to normal." Pausing to reflect on the scenes he witnessed between Hades and Persephone he added "Yet, I think I know what is different this year!" he knowingly winked.
Amphrite agreed adding "He's right, this is a first! So, did old gloomy gus rock your world this winter?" she giggled. Sighing heavily Persephone continued to sip on her drink, enjoying her party but her thoughts kept returning to her handsome husband and the image of him chained to the bed while she rode his face for months on end. It really had been quite a winter to remember!
On Arcadia, Artemis took out her bow and aimed it straight at the center of Demetrius's chest. It pained her to kill such a handsome specimen but his sacrilege must be punished. The laws against men visiting Arcadia were well known, and despite his stunning good looks, he must pay the ultimate penalty. The catterwalling and crying from Tiso and the other Nymphs only solidified her resolve to complete her grisly yet necessary task. His presence on Arcadia already had threatened the Nymphs virginity, and he was completely frozen and unable to move!!! Imagine the mischief he might cause if he were to emerge from his erotically induced coma. Obviously men were not worth the effort as just having one around obviously caused major problems. Plus, she thought, he has to die as he was witness to some pretty personal things (not to mention viewing her naked) and NO MAN should be allowed to see those things and live. Letting the arrow fly it found it's mark perfectly.
Back in the underworld it was eerily silent, much more than usual. All of the rogue spirits had been frozen in place by Hades to await judgement as he returned to his office to sort out what he was going to do with them. Sitting quietly and working intently at his desk reviewing his papers, the warm feeling of a 3 tongues licking his hand got his attention. There at his feet was Cerberus, all of his heads hanging down and six sad puppy eyes looking up at him quite remorsefully.
"Oh there you are! You are a bad dog! BAD BAD DOG!" he chastised, whacking each of the three noses in succession with the scroll of the dead. Hades was still quite angry over the destruction of his new Italian shoes and needed to correct his loyal yet obviously shoe connoisseur dog. Whimpering, Cerberus laid at his feet and wailed, sounding quite pitiful as he howled in such sadness at displeasing his master. Hades may be the God of the Dead, but even he had a soft spot for dogs, and Cerberus (like all dogs) knows exactly how to work the system. "Ohhhhh! Don't be such a Sad Puppy!" Hades joked, his heart melting at his cries, and he started petting each of his heads with great gusto. "You're a good dog, yes you are, yes you are, you are such a good good boy!" he grinned as Cerberus, relieved at winning back his masters affections, leapt up on his lap and began to lick his face profusely. Throwing him a bone, he pointed to the dog bed in the corner of his office. "Now, go eat your bone while Daddy works". Cerberus was now completely fixated on the enormous dog treat and everything else melted away, all was forgiven.
Back on Olympus, Amphrite pulled Persephone over to a quiet corner to talk. Persephone also was starting to feel the effects of her drink now, so she began to open up. As the evening progressed, Amphrite sat in stunned amazement as Persephone described how she had chained Hades up with the shackles of Hercules and proceeded to tease him all winter long, riding his face to literally thousands of toe curling orgasms as he moaned in desperation between her thighs. What amazed Amphrite most was how it appeared that Persephone and Hades had recharged their marriage, and reignited the sexual spark between them through her teasing and aggression. Growing envious at her tale, Amphrite began to open up about her problems with Poseidon.
"You are soooooo lucky girl!" the now drunk Amphrite slurred. "What I would give for that old whale dick of a husband of mine to dock a little tongue action into my southern port".
Shocked at her candor, both Dionysius and Persephone nervously laughed, the conversation becoming suddenly quite awkward. Dionysius, always a fan of gossip but not wanting to hear things he can't unhear, squirmed in his seat and decided to go retrieve another Amphora of Nectar. Excusing himself from the room seemed like a good idea since he figured that Amphrite and Persephone could use a little "girl only" time right now.
"You mean he never as in never ever never," Persephone interjected.
"Nope, NEVER!!!!!" an increasingly agitated Amphrite interupted. "I asked him to once, since his idea of foreplay is to roll over over and punch me in the arm and say, Ready? Trust me, old Tuna breath is no woman's idea of a romantic. To top it off you know what that fucker said to me?" Persephone shrugged. "He said my pussy smelled like FISH!!!! Can you imagine the fucking irony of that! The King of the sea won't eat his wife out because she smells like FISH! EVERYTHING IN OUR HOUSE SMELLS LIKE FISH! We live in the sea for fuck's sake!"
Artemis's eyes grew wide as something was obviously very very wrong. She had aimed the arrow properly, and had seen it enter his chest, but it only went in just an inch or so, a little blood had spurted out but then it spit back out onto the ground. After being expelled from his body there was no visible mark on him. Firing four more in rapid succession had the same exact result. Walking over to inspect him, she noticed something she had not noticed before. He had a very slight golden glow to his body. "You are IMMORTAL!!! HA! That explains it," she exclaimed. Turning back the Nymphs, she scowled as they all looked exceptionally happy that he was still alive and their interest and obvious affection for Demetrius confirmed her desire to cause his destruction. "OK, I can't kill you, but obviously you are NOT a God, since you are still in this zombie state. Obviously I will have to resort to another more creative method of punishment. I think life as a lowly grey weasel would be quite appropriate for you."
Raising her hands above her head, her eyes flashed red and the sky began to darken. Bringing them straight out in front of her chest, she pointed all of her fingers at his body as blue sparks shot out from her fingertips. Demetrius, still frozen was amazed he was still alive. Being shot in the chest at point blank range by her arrow definitely hurt. Not quite understanding what had happened he was sure he should surely be bleeding to death by now. The fact he wasn't and appeared to be relatively unharmed was the first absolute proof he had that he truly WAS immortal. His relief was short lived as he saw her take her stance, her eyes flashing and glowing red, he braced himself for her Magical assault. As she lowered her hands, he wondered what life as a weasel would be like.
As Hades quietly worked, a small feeble knock came on the door. "Come in!" he ordered angrily. Looking up from his desk there was Charon, dressed in his black robe now, and looking down on the floor. "Charon Charon Charon!" Hades scolded shaking his head. "I certainly expected better behavior from you." Saying nothing, he simply shifted his bony foot in a small circle on the floor. Lifting the bag of coins Charon had collected from the dead over countless eons, Hades dove his hand into the bag and took out about one fifth of the contents dropping them into a box on his desk. "I am docking your pay Charon for your indiscretion! So I don't want any lip from you."
"Yes sir" Charon answered back meekly, mortified to be caught in such a compromising position by his boss.
"And another thing Charon, I am sending you on a special mission to the upper world. Bring back Archimedes to me. I know he is usually a follower of my Nephew Hephaestus, but I have a few special engineering projects for him to do. For the life of me I am NOT mechanical. Hephaestus won't mind so I don't expect any trouble from him." Hades curtily explained, obviously still quite irritated at the skeletal lothario. Adding at the end sarcastically "And try to keep your bones INSIDE your robe this time will ya?"
Charon nodded his agreement quickly, wanting desperately to get out of that office ASAP. He knew he had gotten off relatively easily, but it still smarted having one fifth of his earnings docked. As he closed the door behind him he heard Hades add "Oh, and I am NOT covering travel expenses nor am I paying overtime for this trip, so keep that in mind when you fill out your time sheet and expense report next week. This fuckup is YOUR expense NOT MINE since this whole mess is your fault."