The fall leaves crunched under Amy's feet as she walked through campus. The wind whispered through the trees, leaving a strange feeling at the back of her mind. It was a day much like any other since she'd first started college but after adjusting to dorm life for the first time, she was feeling restless. She felt like this often but could never quite figure out how to make the annoying feeling go away. A meeting with her advisor wasn't exactly the kind of fun "college-life" had promised her but finals were around the corner and the next semester's classes needed to be signed off on.
The first thing that caught her attention when she knocked timidly on the office door, was the size of the room. There was a tiny desk perfectly ordered with papers and folders, a small chair just a few inches from the swinging door, and not much else. The walls held frames with degrees she wished she could have one day and silly posters with dry humor and psychology quotes. She took in the little office for the first time and felt strangely at ease. What she didn't see there, however, was the professor who also happened to be her advisor.
"I'm here. Take a seat," she heard a deep voice ring out from behind her. When she turned to look she found herself a bit too close for comfort with nowhere to step aside. The sleeve of his jacket brushed against her arm as he maneuvered around her. Being so close to him made the room feel warm. Or maybe it was his smile that made her melt.
Once seated, Dr. Evans cleared his throat and shuffled papers around, trying to find a pen for the form she'd placed in front of him. His blue eyes darted up to hers briefly then changed their mind and focused on the paper instead. She'd seen Dr. Evans at the front of the class in a large lecture hall all semester but this was the first time she'd been this close to him. In class he was always cool and collected, witty and just a little bit cocky. Here, in this tiny office, she could see a vastly different version of him. She decided pretty quickly that she liked this version best.
"You're taking two of my classes next semester? This looks like a pretty full schedule for a Freshman," he mumbled, sliding his fingers over the paper as if they might fly away at any moment. "I can sign it but I wouldn't advise you to take on more than you can handle," he added.
Amy swallowed hard, feeling the tug of nervous energy fizzing at the back of her throat. The thought of protesting his advice seemed unwise, especially considering she secretly had no idea what she was doing yet.
His eyes looked up again, this time burrowing in hers. A glimmer of a cocky grin slid over his full lips but, ever the professional, he quickly straightened it out.
"I'm confident I can handle the schedule," she found herself saying, though her voice didn't quite match the words that came out. "I know what I'm capable of."
It was then he chuckled and leaned back in his chair. The look on his face was a mixture of doubt and annoyance. It was late in the day. She knew she had to be the last student to pass through his office before he could go home. Still, she didn't like the impatient look that was written on his face. In fact, a part of her very much wanted to toss his silly metal paperweight directly at his head. Instead, she crossed her arms and matched his annoyance with a look of her own. "Are you going to sign it or not?" She asked.
Something about the way she said that made his cockiness evaporate. He sat up quickly, causing the desk chair to squeak like a frightened mouse, and bit his bottom lip. After a long silence he said, "The behavior class can be difficult, lots of after-class work and data." When she didn't respond he swirled his signature on the paper and added. "If you have work study, I could use a lab assistant."
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As it turned out, being a lab assistant in a rat lab was just as exciting as cleaning soiled newspapers and sweeping up muddy footprints after a storm. It wasn't hard work necessarily, but the smell was unpleasant. Not to mention there was little to keep her occupied once the small list of tasks were completed. Her classes kept her busy this semester, just as she'd hoped they would, but the coursework still didn't banish that inexplicable nagging feeling. In fact, the cold weather had made it that much harder to deal with.
Dr. Evans poked his head into the room, scanning her work with tired eyes. His classes were over, and from the look of his rumbled shirt and messy hair it hadn't been the best day. "I don't suppose you've gotten around to the copies I need for tomorrow?" He asked before moving to wash his hands in the lab sink. She'd noticed a lot about this man over the last few weeks. He was clean, maybe a little too much so. He required all of his papers to be stapled a certain way and organized just so. He was also awfully fond of the color red. When she wore it around him, he tended to look at her for a little longer than normal. Amy wouldn't say she had a crush on Dr. Evans. He wasn't quite handsome enough for that. Not to mention he was much older than her. Still, there was something about him that made her want to...well she wasn't sure what she wanted to do, but it was fun to ponder.
"I put the copies in the folder on your door and everything else is done too. Number 14 is pretty jumpy today. I gave her a little more time on the wheel." She leaned in to study the lab rats, some acknowledged her presence, others dozed in their favorite corner. Before she'd started this work study, rats had been one of her biggest fears. Now she didn't mind them. In fact, their intelligence was interesting to observe. When she turned around he was on wash number two and not listening to a word she was saying so she continued. "Number 18 learned how to fly this morning. Might want to call someone about that. Put her in movies or something."
He grunted, nodding as if he had any idea what she'd just said. In the hallway, she could hear the last of the students scurrying out of the building. The heater in the room clicked and began to hum loudly, dripping onto the floor below she'd just mopped.
"Number 12 and Number 17 seem to have the urge to hump each other" She breezed, removing the lab coat that was starting to feel stifling. He was drying his hands with too many paper towels but still seemed distracted."I'll have to look up if rats can be lesbians," she added. Perhaps it was the last word that shook him out of his preoccupation but his eyes grew wide as he stared at her.
"Beg your pardon?"
"Oh I was just saying that two of the rats seem particularly fond of each other," she couldn't help but grin at the flustered look on his face.
"Ah, yes, well, female rats uh...they can use certain behaviors not as an intimate...that is to say...the females do that to assert dominance," he mumbled.
He chuckled nervously and shrugged, scanning her red top for a little too long before looking away. She had this overwhelming urge to study this strange man. What would he do if she pressed just a little harder on the subject? Would his face flush even more? Would that bead of sweat resting on his forehead be joined by others?
"Dominance," she repeated, enjoying the word on her lips.
Taking this as a question, he continued. "Yes, a lot of animals do it. I worked in a chimp lab a number of years ago. The data was interesting. Females were much more aggressive when first introduced to the troop. Then the whole group dynamic would shift. There was a lot of power play of sorts." He scanned her face more carefully than he had ever done before and swallowed hard before speaking again. "Do you have an interest in animal behavior?"
"Well, I am a psychology major, aren't I? And people are just animals who learned how to have existential crises. I'm sure we hump things to assert dominance too."
His sudden smile made her whole body feel like it was going to erupt but she tried very hard to keep her face a blank slate. "Aggression as dominance is an interesting concept. Especially when you look at the one being dominated in the interaction. It's something I've spent a great deal of time thinking about. In fact, once you understand the brain processes behind it..." he stopped short and waved his hand like swatting at a fly. "It's far too late in the evening for a lecture."
"So you've studied dominance and submission impulses in animals? I didn't think monkeys practiced BDSM," Amy said, trying to make him laugh. She didn't have any experience in that area but a certain porn site did stand out in her mind. Something about the act of inflicting pain during pleasure had always interested her. When she glanced up at him, his entire body was frozen but she could practically hear the gears in his head grinding against one another. One of the rats started to run around in its cage as if suddenly possessed by the energy shift in the room.
"You know what that is?" He finally asked. There was a faint squeak in his voice that she found oddly attractive. There was something about the way he was looking at her, like he was trying very hard to read her mind. It made her tingle.
"I know a bit. It has to do with power in the bedroom, right?"
He glanced at the door as if it might scream at him at any moment and fidgeted on his heels. "Not exactly. A bedroom doesn't need to be...that is...much like with animals, it isn't always about..."
"Sex?"
Dr. Evans nodded but didn't say anything else. Instead he started to pull down his sleeves and gathered his messenger bag. She didn't want him to leave. The conversation had just gotten interesting and she wasn't sure she could raise the subject again if it ended here. "I'd love to see the research you did on the subject," she said, feeling a little jolt of desperation run through her. Where had that come from?
"Oh?" He said over his shoulder.
"Sure. It sounds like it would be interesting to see certain stimuli occur in real time on a scan. I'm sure there are some fun studies that involve sexual behavior."
"Yes, well, I'm sure there are, but a university is no place for such things. I'm sure you agree. Enjoy your evening," he muttered before disappearing down the hall.
