If there's one thing I've learned in all of this, it's that words can seduce the mind and body as swiftly as fingers to flesh. At first, he was nothing more than words to me, month after month, streams of words in bold type, waiting in an e-mail inbox. I followed them. They told me to touch myself, lay spread wide and naked, let my camera tell the story. They said leave my panties at home when you go to work, and remember me as your bare pussy catches a draft in the hallway. Lock the bathroom stall, and make yourself come for me while unsuspecting co-workers wander in and out. Think of me when nobody knows.
They told me to hurt myself, just a little. Whenever I was a bad girl, or when I was insubordinate and didnβt follow his instructions to the letter, and get a taste for pain.
I wandered into it. Iβm unsure where it started. I left a few words, interspersed, on his internet diary. Then I surprised even myself. I put on my best skin and left on my stockings, sending him a picture of my naked body, lying on the bed while I smiled invitingly at him. One little snap and flash, sent to the right address. He took notice. From somewhere on the other side of a digital line, there were words from him, and they were getting more demanding by the minute.
Following his words was like gaining new purpose. I was learning new tricks, and getting off in new ways. He was never there to lay a finger on me, but the words could sting or arouse me at will. Days I failed him, I'd find myself in the corner, clamps hanging from my pussy lips, contemplating my crime. Days I pleased him, I'd find myself coming for him beneath the sound of his voice in my ear, promises of a whip to my chest, his cock in my ass.
I had never had a cock in my ass. But with him, I wanted to feel everything. He sent me out to prepare for him, in case the day ever came. First, I used a little anal toy, snapping pictures of the first taste of it. Tingles in new places spurred me on, and I found myself playing with a bigger one. Hurting, then aching, and then a distinct new pleasure I had to have. I played with it daily on his command. A little movie took place of photos when it came time for me to show him how accomplished I'd become. And I came for him, over and over.
But we hadn't ever stood face to face.
When the word said "fly", I found myself hundreds of miles from home. My white skin glowed a strange shade of red beneath the lights of the cheap motel. I stayed there, unsure if he would even come. After checking in, avoiding the hungry eyes of the filth in the hotel bar, I waited impatiently for his visit; the bed in the next room squeaked and knocked against the wall, making me jealous.
I laid out the toys he asked for, in order, cleaned them one by one: the leather tassels of a hand whip, the clamps for my nipples, scarves to bind my hands, to shade my eyes. And then the bucket of ice heβd requested I fetch from the machine in the hallway. Nervous delight had me throbbing, alone, waiting. He'd made no commitment to meet me here. He only said fly. Stay here. Lay the toys out.
Be a good girl
, I told myself. I might be lucky.
I was as good as I could be, but the things I needed to atone for could not be solved by my own hand, things like insubordination, lack of focus, tempting him, my lust being the worst of all.
It was a sleepless night and an eternal morning. I fetched the ice once an hour, to pass the time. Just before the stroke of noon, I heard footsteps on the other side of the door, stopping there and casting shadows against the bright crack between the bottom of the door and the carpet. His familiar voiced called out, "Slip the key under the door." I moved to twist the knob, hands shaking, and then was stopped cold by the palm of his hand smacking against the wood on the other side. "The key, under the door," he said again. I slipped the key from the ring, and pushed it under. His words were angry, and I meant to please.
He took the key from my fingertips. His hand was close enough that I could feel the heat of his flesh. The reality became striking, and I stood there, nude as I had been instructed, waiting for the sound of key in the lock. It didn't come. He called out, "To your corner, mi'ja. Face the wall." I hesitated, looking at the shadow his feet cast beneath the door, and then hurried to my place.
I laid my head against the peeling wallpaper. The pigtailed braids he had requested swooped down against my cheeks, and I bit lightly at my lips. The click of metal against metal sounded, and a door opening sent shivers of nervous excitement through my exposed body. I had to concentrate on the peeling wallpapered flowers exposing plaster, whispering to myself,
do not to turn around, do not disobey.
The door shut. It locked. His presence in the room was overwhelming, but I squeezed my eyes shut.
Do not turn around, do not disobey
. His warmth radiated as he came up behind me. His hand pushed over my shoulders, and even beneath his slacks, I could feel him, his cock hard, pressing against my thigh. He pulled the scarf around my eyes, knotted it against the back of my hair, so tight I couldn't move my eyelids that were clenched shut. It didn't matter. I could smell him: a mix of sweat, shaving cream, and a touch of gasoline. His breath permeated mouthwash and whiskey.
He pulled me backward, spread my legs further apart, and shoved my body forward till my face knocked back against the wall. My breasts swung, nipples erect. The muscles around my stomach went taut. "Brace yourself," he warned, and I pushed my hands against the pealing shreds.
There was a pause. Quiet. I felt the whoosh of air before his open hand came down on my bare ass, a jolt and crack of sound breaking the silence. A slight delay of shock came before the pain shot through me, and his hand came back again. He spanked me harder, faster, with a deeper grab on impact, pushing into my flesh. The injury became warmth, my ass turning red, flushing across my body in waves. The pain was so good; I could feel warm, wetness begin to drip from my pussy down my thighs. The smell of my sex hung thick, like the excitement tinged with violence. His voice spewed obscenities like pet names: cunt, whore, little slut. My tits lunged forward from the impact of each spank, moving like the lungs in gasps. Crying out, pain became pleasure.