Simon Peters, 2021
Angela and Adam sat on opposite sides of a wide oak table. They had both dressed smartly for the occasion. Adam wore a light jacket and slacks with a white shirt and a blue tie, and Angela was in a dark grey business suit. Neither spoke to the other.
At 2pm precisely, a man in a dark grey suit carrying a clipboard entered the room. He greeted the two protagonists. "Hello. My name is Mr Michaels, and I am clerk to this court. My job is to make sure that you understand why you are here and that you know what will happen today."
"This court has been set up to fast-forward divorce proceedings under the new rapid divorce laws. You have applied to have your marriage terminated under these laws. The judge in this case has the power to end your marriage today, without a separation period, provided that certain important criteria are met. Have you each read the guidance for applicants document?"
Angela and Adam both indicated that they had.
"Right", continued the clerk. To summarise, the judge in your case has the power to issue an immediate divorce. Before he does so, he will question each of you to find out exactly why your marriage has failed. He will then apportion blame and may or may not sentence one or both of you to a suitable punishment. This is both to ensure that justice is served and to discourage frivolous applications. The sentence that he passes down can include corporal punishment. Do you understand?"
"Yes" said Adam.
"What, exactly, do you mean by corporal punishment?" asked Angela.
"Corporal punishment in this context consists of several strokes with a cane. The judge may allocate a total of not more than 20 strokes between you, and each of you may not receive more than 12 strokes. The cane used is similar to that previously used in private schools. It is designed to cause pain, but not permanent injury. There may be significant bruising that should fade within 2 or 3 weeks. You must accept that the court has authority in this matter before your divorce can be considered. Do you understand and still wish to proceed?"
"Yes" said Adam and Angela together, although Angela's reply was a little hesitant.
"Right" said the clerk, "All the proceedings, including any punishment, will be filmed and may be posted on the court website. The resulting video may also be offered to the public on a pay-per-view basis. If it is, you will receive 50% of the revenue, divided equally between you".
"Let me get this straight" said Angela. You can film us getting caned and then sell the video to the public?"
"Yes" confirmed the clerk. This both dissuades others from looking for an easy divorce and raises valuable revenue to fund the court. If you do not agree, you must say so now."
Adam and Angela remained silent.
"Right", said the clerk. "If you would both sign these acceptance forms, I can tell the judge that we are good to go, and we can get started. By the end of the afternoon, your marriage should be over. Once you have signed the forms, you are bound by the court and legally committed to whatever decisions are taken. If you agree with this, please sign the forms".
Angela and Adam both looked briefly at the forms in front of them and then signed. They returned the forms to the clerk, who smiled cheerfully. "Thank you. I will now inform the judge and invite a cameraman into the chamber to record the proceedings".
There was a recess while the cameraman came into the chambers and set up his gear. Angela and Adam were each given a cup of coffee and asked to wait. After about 20 minutes, the Judge came in and sat at the end of the table. He looked down at his documents and then spoke.
"Angela and Adam, I will now hear your testimony, apportion blame and decide upon any punishment that I feel is appropriate. Each of you will have an opportunity to argue your case. All discussion and testimony will be polite, with no shouting and certainly no swearing. If you do not follow these instructions, I am empowered to sentence you for contempt of court. This may mean additional strokes of the cane. Do you understand?"
"Yes" murmured Angela and Adam.
"Right", said the judge. "We will start by hearing from Adam. Please tell the court why you think that your marriage has failed and why you are seeking a quick divorce".
Adam swallowed, then began. "At first our marriage was excellent, your honour. We were very happy and had a great sex life. I was earning enough to pay for our mortgage and provide for Angie. But as time went on, the financial pressure grew, and I found myself working more and more overtime just to keep our heads above water. This meant long hours and when I got home I was sometimes too exhausted to attend to Angie's needs. She sought solace elsewhere and had a series of affairs. Things have now got to the point where our marriage is effectively over. Angie has been unfaithful more than once, and I cannot find it in my heart to forgive her".
"Thank you" said the judge. "When you were working overtime, what sort of time did you get home?"
"Frequently not until 10pm, your honour. All I could do was grab a bite to eat and go to bed. I hated the situation, but if I didn't work the hours we could not pay the mortgage, and we would have lost the house".
"Right" said the judge, "Your turn, Angela".
"Adam is right when he says that our marriage was excellent. But when he started working so many hours, I hardly saw him. He would come home and go straight to bed. Even if I joined him and tried to start lovemaking, he would just roll over and go to sleep. The physical side of our relationship was in tatters. I grew increasingly frustrated and sought sex elsewhere. I felt that it was all I could do. Adam should have realised what was happening and devoted more time to me. If he had, none of this would have happened."
"And how many affairs did you have, Angela" asked the judge. "Please remember that you are under oath".
"Three, your honour".
The clerk rose and told Angela and Adam that the judge would now take a few minutes to consider what they had said before delivering his judgement. "Please feel free to have coffee or tea in the adjacent lobby, but be back here in 15 minutes for the decision".
Angela and Adam went through to the lobby and each had a cup of tea. They did not speak to each other and avoided eye contact. After 10 minutes or so, they returned to the chamber and took their seats.
The judge returned, took his seat at the head of the table, and spoke.
"I have come to a decision", he said. Before I tell you what it is, I must remind you that you are legally bound by the jurisdiction of this court. The court has the power to enforce my decision by whatever means are necessary."
"Adam and Angela, I find that your marriage is irretrievably broken, and I will sign a declaration to that effect. As of 8pm this evening, you will be officially divorced. All material wealth shall be divided between you on an equal basis."
"I consider that neither of you has tried hard enough to try and see the point of view of the other, and you are both partly responsible for the breakdown of your marriage. I feel it only appropriate to sentence you both to strokes of the cane as a punishment and as a deterrent to others in your position. I find that you, Angela, were adulterous and are primarily responsible for the failure of your marriage. You will receive 8 strokes of the cane on your buttocks. While you, Adam, are less guilty, you should have tried to achieve a more appropriate life-work balance. You will receive 4 strokes".
Angela jumped up. "I get 8 strokes while he only gets 4? You must be joking."
"Sit down" said the judge. "I will forgive this first outburst. But if there is any repeat, I will sentence you to further strokes with the cane. We will now discuss the details of the punishment. Each of you can decide whether the other party is to be caned by an expert appointed by the court or by yourself".
"What is the difference?" asked Angela.
"Well" said the judge, "caning by an expert experienced in delivering punishment usually results in greater pain. That may be what you want. On the other hand, caning your partner yourself can help to satisfy a desire for revenge, even if the pain is not as great. It's up to you."
"I want Adam to be caned by an expert" said Angela. "Maximum pain".